CaliGuy Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/85967/dating-secret-exposed-why-nice-guys-finish-last This is essentially what "No More Mr Nice Guy" is all about.
jerbear Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Interesting. Goes with the NC and doing your own thing after a "dumping" which makes the "nice guy" more interesting with his own passions and hobby. Good article along to pair with No Foolin's thread.
heartoutside Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I'm glad i just read this....I have the book and have read it a billion times. It helped me get through the crap with my ex, and probably is the reason she tried getting back together. But now I find me self doing the same crap with this new girl....but I was reminded by this article that I'm doing "IT" again.....just in time!
Author CaliGuy Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 I'm glad i just read this....I have the book and have read it a billion times. It helped me get through the crap with my ex, and probably is the reason she tried getting back together. But now I find me self doing the same crap with this new girl....but I was reminded by this article that I'm doing "IT" again.....just in time! Not sure if I recommended the book to you, but it should be read before you start dating someone new again just as a reminder. Always ask yourself this question: "Am I doing this to win her over or am I doing this just because I want to?" That's a good rule to go by. Having your own passions and hobbies helps build confidence as well. With this last girl I was dating, I did everything right except a little backsliding here and there. In the end, it wasn't me being a nice guy, it was simply her insecurities that led to the demise. But that's OK by me. One more wrong woman out of the way
Tony T Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Interesting you should bring up the subject. I found a series of amateur, yet very well produced, programs on youtube about the trials of a nice guy. The series consists of three shows, less than ten minutes each, but they dramatize the nice guy process and what he goes through. I thought it was worth the watch. Go here: Part I: Part II: Part III:
heartoutside Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Caliguy, yeah you suggested it to me way back when almost a year ago. And I've caught myself back sliding a lot....but I'm catching myself which is good. Before, I wasn't even aware of the behavior. I don't know if you've read the thread I've started in "dating" "1st date mess? Or not?" but after I just re-read that, I can't believe I spent the night with my friends worry'n about her freakn out over a text or for whatever reason and I'm glad I was reminded of No More Mr. Nice Guy....
Stockalone Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I haven't read the book, but maybe I should. Give somebody an inch, and he will take a mile. You don't even have to be a door mat. If you are straight forward from the start and do "nice" things because you like doing them, there is a very good chance that the woman will try to walk all over you. It doesn't even matter if you don't let her walk all over you. You can have as much spine as you want, you will only be seen as the nice guy because you did all those "nice" things. It seems like a lot of women are only going to respect you if they spend some time in limbo wondering if you actually like them. An honest, straight-forward approach oftentimes doesn't work. Frankly, I think it is insane. Being honest and showing a woman that I like her as soon as I feel that way makes me needy? WTF? And showing just the right amount of interest to keep her guessing makes me the exiting mystery man? I don't understand it at all, but attraction seeems to work that way for many women.
Author CaliGuy Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 I haven't read the book, but maybe I should. Give somebody an inch, and he will take a mile. You don't even have to be a door mat. If you are straight forward from the start and do "nice" things because you like doing them, there is a very good chance that the woman will try to walk all over you. It doesn't even matter if you don't let her walk all over you. You can have as much spine as you want, you will only be seen as the nice guy because you did all those "nice" things. It seems like a lot of women are only going to respect you if they spend some time in limbo wondering if you actually like them. An honest, straight-forward approach oftentimes doesn't work. Frankly, I think it is insane. Being honest and showing a woman that I like her as soon as I feel that way makes me needy? WTF? And showing just the right amount of interest to keep her guessing makes me the exiting mystery man? I don't understand it at all, but attraction seeems to work that way for many women. You just have to show a woman that she is not the center of your life. Once you do that, the nice guy in you will go away. Have interest OTHER than a woman.
shadowplay Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 There's no earth-shattering revelation here. It's just "Why Men like Bitches" rehashed for the opposite sex. People like confident, self-respecting people. It's as simple as that.
Stockalone Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 You just have to show a woman that she is not the center of your life. Once you do that, the nice guy in you will go away. Have interest OTHER than a woman. I can go months, or even years without a date because I am not interested enough in the women I meet. That makes it hard to not show the interest in those few women who I date and find very interesting. I started to treat dating like it is a military operation. Plans, contingency plans, evasive maneuver to keep me from showing too much interest too soon. Probably not the best solution to my problems but it works in that I no longer get the "nice guy speech" from women I date.
jerbear Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 There's no earth-shattering revelation here. It's just "Why Men like Bitches" rehashed for the opposite sex. People like confident, self-respecting people. It's as simple as that. For me that is the truth, hence I tend to like Type A bitchy women; it lets me be me and I know where some of the boundaries are. I can poke and prod just to PO her. No walking on egg shells. Granted when you put two Type A's together, one of the two will be more A than B. In my opinion it is all about balance and that is sometimes hard to do. If I get a call from hottie I'm going to take it; but I have to realize that I have my own life, hobbies and to do list. Can't just drop it for her. Pretty much how to go from "nice guy" to a balanced guy. Not easy I say.
backto1 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 The whole problem with Mr. Nice Guy syndrome is that it's called Mr. Nice Guy syndrome. It's not about being "nice" or an "egotistical meathead." It's about, as everyone has said, being a confident, happy person. I really think it's pissed off nerds that gave it the name Mr. Nice Guy syndrome. No matter a person's place in life, they will naturally try to rationalize it to be the best. For example, you get the socially inedpt, nerdy guy who sees confidence in others but calls it arrogance. This isn't true for everyone of course, but I think that's where a lot of the problem comes from. If you are genuinely confident and happy with your position in life, it will show no matter how nice you are. But that's assuming that being nice doesn't include ridiculous amounts of comments, texts, phone calls and 100% availability.
OpenBook Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I started to treat dating like it is a military operation. Plans, contingency plans, evasive maneuver to keep me from showing too much interest too soon. Probably not the best solution to my problems but it works in that I no longer get the "nice guy speech" from women I date. :laugh: I hear ya, Stockalone! My strategy (as a female) is more like a doe in the forest. Deer-In-Headlights look on my face, ready to bolt at a moment's notice. It works EVERY TIME. Men are absolute suckers for that. I cannot figure out why.
Author CaliGuy Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 The whole problem with Mr. Nice Guy syndrome is that it's called Mr. Nice Guy syndrome. It's not about being "nice" or an "egotistical meathead." It's about, as everyone has said, being a confident, happy person. I really think it's pissed off nerds that gave it the name Mr. Nice Guy syndrome. No matter a person's place in life, they will naturally try to rationalize it to be the best. For example, you get the socially inedpt, nerdy guy who sees confidence in others but calls it arrogance. This isn't true for everyone of course, but I think that's where a lot of the problem comes from. If you are genuinely confident and happy with your position in life, it will show no matter how nice you are. But that's assuming that being nice doesn't include ridiculous amounts of comments, texts, phone calls and 100% availability. I agree with this. 100% availability says "I don't have a life." Giving gifts, too many texts, phone calls, etc says "I need to earn your love." All you gotta do is be confident in yourself. Learn to love and accept who you are and it will NATURALLY attract the right significant other to you.
mixwell Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/85967/dating-secret-exposed-why-nice-guys-finish-last This is essentially what "No More Mr Nice Guy" is all about. Good article. You'd be surprised how many guys DON'T know this.
sid3 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I must have read a different book. Most of what I got from Glover's book is pyscho babble about how one's parents treated them and such. The most visited theme was spending time in male groups bonding. I am not putting the book down, in fact I will have to read it again. Actually, as soon as I finish typing this. I've read alot of books, but I found this one to be kind of difficult to read. Probably due to my repressed childhood memories. Good article CG, thanks for sharing it.
Nemo Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Go here: Part I: Part II: Part III: It has a happy ending!!
Calisto Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 As a female, I disagree. I am a sucker for a lovesick puppy. Why not love a guy who is crazy about you? That said, I don't think there is any step-by-step way to be a total stud and get the girl. Follow the book because this dude has written a book...ummm, ok, but who is he? I treat a guy I'm dating well and I date guys who treat me well. I don't see how this book is really going to be lifechanging. It's just some guy out there who wrote a book. Doesn't mean he knows everything and if you follow it to a T you're going to have a perfect dating life. Also those articles they feature on yahoo.com are not really true journalism. It's entertainment and not to be taken seriously.
Calisto Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 With this last girl I was dating, I did everything right except a little backsliding here and there. In the end, it wasn't me being a nice guy, it was simply her insecurities that led to the demise. But that's OK by me. One more wrong woman out of the way Yes, that's right, this book is going to make the woman flawed if she doesn't return your phone calls or isn't as into you as you are into her. So if you follow this book "step-by-step" and it doesn't get you the girl, she is the one who is "insecure" and flawed. Yep, got it. So if you conform to this book and have a strategized personality of the perfect confident man, you will have dating success! If the woman doesn't want you after you follow the book step by step and don't "backslide", she is insecure and flawed! To heck with having your own personality and being YOURSELF to meet the right woman, forget that crap! Smoke and mirrors is the way to GO!
Author CaliGuy Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 I must have read a different book. Most of what I got from Glover's book is pyscho babble about how one's parents treated them and such. Yes and he makes very good points about being "mothered" and "babied" and not going through the ritual of being a MAN. That's the problem with kids today, they're babied and end up being metro-sexual wussies. (which isn't attractive to women, btw.) The most visited theme was spending time in male groups bonding. I am not putting the book down, in fact I will have to read it again. Actually, as soon as I finish typing this. I've read alot of books, but I found this one to be kind of difficult to read. Probably due to my repressed childhood memories. Good article CG, thanks for sharing it. Keep reading the book. The male bonding is essential because it many ways it teaches you the confident (borderline cocky) behavior that leads to being the kind of man than women want. Mysterious, not always available, self-assured and definitely NOT needy. I always recommend "No More Mr. Nice Guy" to those men who think they are just good guys but really door mats in disguise.
Author CaliGuy Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 As a female, I disagree. I am a sucker for a lovesick puppy. Why not love a guy who is crazy about you? That said, I don't think there is any step-by-step way to be a total stud and get the girl. Follow the book because this dude has written a book...ummm, ok, but who is he? Do you remember a time when a guy was "ga ga" over you, tripped over himself to please you? You may think that is attractive now but in reality it will turn your stomach and make you push him away. Women don't want wussies, they want men. The book is written to help men become men and exorcise the wussy in them. I treat a guy I'm dating well and I date guys who treat me well. I don't see how this book is really going to be lifechanging. You're not a man. You do not understand the rituals and rites men go though to really be MEN and not boys. Kill the inner boy in these wussy men and you get REAL men. Confident and self-assured. Not jerks but GOOD men. It's just some guy out there who wrote a book. Doesn't mean he knows everything and if you follow it to a T you're going to have a perfect dating life. A: It's DOCTOR Glover (He is a psychiatrist) B: No it doesn't mean you will have a great dating life, there are still some things to learn. But what it does do is help you to grow up and be a man and to help men from ruining relationships before they start. Also those articles they feature on yahoo.com are not really true journalism. It's entertainment and not to be taken seriously. So what you're saying is your opinion matters and nobody else's does? All advice should be taken with a grain of salt. One should take the advice in the context of their own personal situation and make adjustments accordingly. But the overwhelming opinion is that if you are a door mat nice guy, you will lose with women. And being one of those men in the past, I can say from my OWN experience this is abslutely true.
Author CaliGuy Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 Yes, that's right, this book is going to make the woman flawed if she doesn't return your phone calls or isn't as into you as you are into her. So if you follow this book "step-by-step" and it doesn't get you the girl, she is the one who is "insecure" and flawed. Yep, got it. So if you conform to this book and have a strategized personality of the perfect confident man, you will have dating success! If the woman doesn't want you after you follow the book step by step and don't "backslide", she is insecure and flawed! To heck with having your own personality and being YOURSELF to meet the right woman, forget that crap! Smoke and mirrors is the way to GO! Calisto, you don't get it and that's fine. You don't know my situation and that's fine too. The book had nothing to do with our situation. I am 39, she is 22. She's still immature, still doesn't know what she wants and yes, she is VERY insecure. For example, she won't eat anything but water and yogurt or nuts. She's deftly afraid of getting fat (she was overweight as a child). She sometimes makes herself throw up if she feels guilty about eating. She doesn't believe that anyone could love her. She doesn't believe anything a man tells her. She's been hurt in the past. I could go on and on but you get the point. Right now she's broken and not capable of sustaining a relationship with anyone including me. Why don't you read the book first, so you're educated on what you're talking about, then come back and voice your opinion? That would make much more sense than haphazzardly criticising a book you don't know anything about.
Tomcat33 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 There's no earth-shattering revelation here. It's just "Why Men like Bitches" rehashed for the opposite sex. People like confident, self-respecting people. It's as simple as that. EXACTLY!!! I couldn't agree more!! Furthermore, I think that when Miss Masini went under the knife to look like the stretched out troll that she now does, the doctors cut into her grey matter hence this "brilliant" article she came up with. Sheeesh did you guys see her picture, she is the scariest thing since this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/asteridesign/8716497/ The huge fault I find in articles like this for either genders is that it is geared towards those people that are the complete polar opposite of what these types of articles profess, so what tends to happen is that when a clueless person tries to adapt this attitude as their own they completely mutilate the concept making themselves be a cartoon version of what the concept represents for. You either have it or you don't and if you don't then you need to understand these concepts with great clarity unless you want to make a complete mokery of yourself. What these types of articles also fail to point out is the great importance of BALANCE, you cannot adapt any one concept and make it your own to an extreme because that is what makes people fall into ridiculous behaviour. Personally I have no time for cocky-wanna-be guys because most guys that "try" to be cocky don't know the meaning of cocky. They think rude and azzhole-ish means being cocky. I prefer an extroverted, selfconfident man that has his life going on who is not afraid to express himself and compliment if he feels like it, over a "cocky" guy who plays it like he is confident but who is really acting arrogantly trying to overcompensate for his insecurties and deep fear of being seen as a nice guy. You can't fake being cocky, you either are a wise-guy or you are not. I tend to like wise-guys but the real deal, ones that are classy and know how to playfully win women over without being overly sarcastic or arrogant or ignorant. but that's just me... and then again I don't look like a plastic monkey like Miss Masini...so what do I know....
Tomcat33 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 The book had nothing to do with our situation. I am 39, she is 22. She's still immature, still doesn't know what she wants and yes, she is VERY insecure. Dude are you dating a woman 20 yrs younger than you? She is still immature!?!? what do you expect she is 22 for god's sake. She's the immature one?
Author CaliGuy Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 Dude are you dating a woman 20 yrs younger than you? She is still immature!?!? what do you expect she is 22 for god's sake. She's the immature one? Once again, if you don't know me it's very easy to criticize. She is the one who showed interest in me first. She is the one that suggested we go out. In some ways she is mature, in others she is very immature. But you don't find that out until you start dating.
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