sid3 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 After a month of n/c my ex sends me the "I'm sorry and I miss you" text. When I didn't reply quickly she called, but I didn't have my phone on at the time. So I called back thinking it was the polite thing to do. While chatting for a few minutes she confessed that she was sorry for her flaky behavior and was wanting to work on it and that I was to call her as soon as I got back into town. So I called, and of course I got her voicemail. I left a short message. That was yesterday. WTF? I've never had someone contact me just to ignore me. Her lack of respect is what led me to asking her not to text me anymore, and that I was tired of the mind games. I'm wondering if anyone else has had this happen to them.
Trialbyfire Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Sid, ego does some pretty screwed up things to people where they rubberband back and forth, wanting back, then rejecting. I will generalize though. Once a flake, always a flake.
Author sid3 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 Seems your right T, always a flake. What threw me for a loop was the apology.I will have to remember words are worthless and actions are what really matter.
BillClam Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Not always true, but yeah, it sounds like such in this case. Maybe she does miss you, but perhaps not in that sense, or very much in that sense, which is what's making things hard for her at the moment. I, or nobody here knows her as well as you do, so it's up to you to decide what you want, whether it be to tread lightly, go for it, or decide that she's playing games of the mind. Good luck dude.
PandaStillLovesBunny Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Yes, I had a girlfriend who always demanded that I be the one too initiate conversations. I caught her once "stalking" me on MSN (she would sign in when I signed in, sign out when I went to "appear offline;" trying to get my attention without putting forth any actual effort) after she had dumped me, but every time I'd go to talk to her she was "busy" or "she'd have to take a nap" or she's just not answer or sign off and then try to excuse it by saying that her internet connection had died. I mean, if you really want to try to make it work again, why aren't you doing anything about it? Would you apply for a job and flake out when they called for an interview? But then again, after re-reading your post, she might just be bad with this kind of thing. You said that you couldn't get back to her quickly enough, and that she had to leave a message for you, so if I would venture a guess, I would say that she's trying to handle this in a very bad way "returning the favor" - she thinks you didn't answer on purpose, and now she's lashing out at you by doing the same thing. It's sort of a "well, let's see how he likes it!" At its heart, it's quite self-centered - she probably believes that you still love her as much as she wants you back, and that by making you wait, she's "giving you a taste of your own medicine." She's probably expecting YOU to call back, as some kind of "test." Considering how you sound, I'm guessing that this is not the case - that she's the one chasing, and you're waiting to see if there's any benefit to going back. Unless she changes this behaviour, I wouldn't suggest giving her any quarter. You can still behave as you do - be polite and prompt, calling back when you can. But if you call her once, don't call her again until she responds. You have the high ground here - she wants you back, and you're making the effort to come to some kind of amicable solution. Use it. An ex does this because she's a little narcissistic. She wants you, but falsely assumes that you also want her the same way - and that you know how to play the game. Someone like this needs a wake-up call.
vivrantflo Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 After a month of n/c my ex sends me the "I'm sorry and I miss you" text. When I didn't reply quickly she called, but I didn't have my phone on at the time. So I called back thinking it was the polite thing to do. You had it right by not responding to her text.. that text was the line she threw out to see if she still had you on a string. You gratified that (and broke 1month NC) by calling her back. Don't worry about being polite.. thats silly... she's your ex. You owe her nothing... You called her back!! Is she being polite to you??? No. While chatting for a few minutes she confessed that she was sorry for her flaky behavior and was wanting to work on it and that I was to call her as soon as I got back into town. So I called, and of course I got her voicemail. I left a short message. That was yesterday. Well, you had the upper hand by performing NC for a month... she took it right back, by asking you to call.. and then not answering... making you wonder what she's thinking.. and why she's doing this... which is exactly what she wanted. She needed her ego stroked, and you stroked it man.. Unless she's at your door begging you for another chance... you have no reason to talk to this chick. She's laughing at your attempt at NC cause she knows that all she has to do is call, and say she misses you to get a response. Don't let her know she has that power. Go NC and stay there. You don't need this chick playing games with you.
Author sid3 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 Thanks for the reply to my thread V. Good advice. I am certain your right and she just wanted to feel as though she's in control by having her ego stroked. I'm not going to worry about being polite next time, I'm just going to ignore any future attempts she makes to contact me. I'm not going back to square one because I replied to an apology and I miss you. Instead I am going to use it as evidence that my ex is an emotional retard. Actually, I don't regret calling her back, I think it just shows I am and have always been straight forward. Guilt can keep her company. I'm done.
Calisto Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 It's only been a day. You admit to not replying to her right away, yet when she doesn't reply to you instantaneously, she is disrespecting you??? This makes no sense. Also she is your ex. If you were still together there might be the expectation that she would reply the same day but it is not a situation were you are still together romantically. There really are no "rules" in this situation because you aren't together. I can't agree and say she is being disrespectful and whatnot. After a month of n/c my ex sends me the "I'm sorry and I miss you" text. When I didn't reply quickly she called, but I didn't have my phone on at the time. So I called back thinking it was the polite thing to do. While chatting for a few minutes she confessed that she was sorry for her flaky behavior and was wanting to work on it and that I was to call her as soon as I got back into town. So I called, and of course I got her voicemail. I left a short message. That was yesterday. WTF? I've never had someone contact me just to ignore me. Her lack of respect is what led me to asking her not to text me anymore, and that I was tired of the mind games. I'm wondering if anyone else has had this happen to them.
Author sid3 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 I should have clarified, I didn't reply to her text and call right away as I was in the hospital with my ill father for almost four hours when she called/txt and I didn't have my phone with me. I replied when I first saw her attempts to contact. She's an ex because she would say she'd call, then pull the disappearing act. I can deal with the lack of interest, but the wishy washy, ignoring, and such is not what I consider worth putting in any more effort into. I was moiving on, albeit slowly, I was making progress. To have her contact me only to go an ignore/disappear again is disrespectful in my opinion. If having the expectation for a person to act like an adult is too much, than I guess I'm guilty.
Calisto Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Uh, well, maybe she is in the hospital or something came up. I think expecting her to return a call the same exact day is a bit much. It's only been a day. I should have clarified, I didn't reply to her text and call right away as I was in the hospital with my ill father for almost four hours when she called/txt and I didn't have my phone with me. I replied when I first saw her attempts to contact. She's an ex because she would say she'd call, then pull the disappearing act. I can deal with the lack of interest, but the wishy washy, ignoring, and such is not what I consider worth putting in any more effort into. I was moiving on, albeit slowly, I was making progress. To have her contact me only to go an ignore/disappear again is disrespectful in my opinion. If having the expectation for a person to act like an adult is too much, than I guess I'm guilty.
vivrantflo Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Sid, she's playing games. When she was texting you and calling you.. and u returned her call.. she picked up right away didnt she??? Like I said earlier.. she got what she wanted from you... gratification.. so now, she's not so much in a hurry to respond to you. She knows you still care. Go back to NC, unless you wanan play her games.
Author sid3 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 Yes when I returned her first call she did reply right away. What has me really confused is that she said she was wanting to work on her lack of effort responding, returning calls etc.Then at the end of the call she thanked me repeately for talking to her. I guess that was because I had asked her not to text me last month. I'd like to add, before I called her when I got back into town, she texted me a few nights prior just before bed to say 'hope you had a good day". So she had made several contacts with me, then when I get home and call like she asked, I get steamrolled by her silient treatment again. Your right V, I don't want to play her games. Although I feel like asking her why the blow off treatment, I'm just going to suck it up and go back to where I was before this happened. I'm sure I'll hear from her again. I will have to ignore it next time. I'm not going to be the ego booster for anyone.Unless she is at my door begging for a second chance, I really don't have a reason to talk to this chick.
vivrantflo Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I'm just going to suck it up and go back to where I was before this happened. I'm sure I'll hear from her again. I will have to ignore it next time. I'm not going to be the ego booster for anyone.Unless she is at my door begging for a second chance, I really don't have a reason to talk to this chick. If you stick to this (and I know you will) You're gonna be golden man!! I believe in you. Good luck
Author sid3 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 Thanks again V. I've read your other posts, you offer sound advice. The wondering why would drive me crazy. Instead I'm going to put the energy and effort to meeting someone else. I'd rather be single and looking than single and pining.The fact that my ex had been in a really abusive relationship doesn't give her the right to treat me like crap. I'm thinking the best way to handle her ignoring me is to respond in kind. Last time she did this I sent her a text asking her not to text me anymore, this time, silience...she'll have to wonder if I'm mad, indifferent, looking for a new hoochie etc.
wareagle Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I agree with vivrantflo, bitch is playing you! You took the bait now the ball is back in her court! That's ok though, go back nc and stick with it! Like I read somewhere else on this board, if she want's you neither hell nor high water will keep her from showing you she wants you back! Remember actions speak louder than words and a text and a voicemail aren't valid actions in my book!!
Author sid3 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 I found it easier to move on when the ball was in my court, how do I get there
Author sid3 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 Thanks for the advice K. Now that she wants to meet has me questioning what I want from it. N/c did two things, it gave her a chance to miss me, and it gave me time to see I have some faults when it comes to this particular R. I should correct my previous post, I actually think it is easier to move on when the ball is in the ex's court. When nothing is expected from you it is alot easier to focus on yourself, jmho
selena_cat Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 You had it right by not responding to her text.. that text was the line she threw out to see if she still had you on a string. You gratified that (and broke 1month NC) by calling her back. Don't worry about being polite.. thats silly... she's your ex. You owe her nothing... You called her back!! Is she being polite to you??? No. Well, you had the upper hand by performing NC for a month... she took it right back, by asking you to call.. and then not answering... making you wonder what she's thinking.. and why she's doing this... which is exactly what she wanted. She needed her ego stroked, and you stroked it man.. Unless she's at your door begging you for another chance... you have no reason to talk to this chick. She's laughing at your attempt at NC cause she knows that all she has to do is call, and say she misses you to get a response. Don't let her know she has that power. Go NC and stay there. You don't need this chick playing games with you. Is it true you have the upper hand when you do NC? mines almost 4 months,and many times i feel he's keeping away even though he was the jerk. Its good to be encourage
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