Noos Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Do it. It is one of the best things you will ever do in your life - you will feel so much better, stronger and in control. You will need - one significant or potential other who has treated you poorly; one break up; your favourite beer (I chose Coopers Ale but Becks should work just as well); a television series on DVD that you haven't watched before - like Scrubs or Will and Grace; books, newspapers and magazines; exercise; a pen and paper; a comfortable bed; some will power. Okay, you feel bad but they've hurt you and they have done so intentionally - they don't want to be with you or they do not see your value. You CANNOT convince them otherwise with words or sex - it's a fundamental mistake to believe you can. What you should do: No contact of any kind - that means e-mail, phone, letters, talking. If you need to retrieve something from their place or need to work out bills or something - get a thrid party friend to act on your behalf. Drink a couple of beers on the couch while you watch tv on DVD - a well written comedy is best - not Sex and the City though because it will make you think too much about being single. Try Scrubs or That 70's show and work your way through every episode you haven't seen. it's a distraction from your thoughts, the comedy makes you happier, and it makes you focus on something else. Do not get drunk - a hangover and depression is the worst combo. Drink a couple to calm your stomach and for enjoyment but do not get fuzzy headed. You will be tempted to ring them or email them to tell them what you think or to get more answers as to WHY? from them. Do not do this. it will show them that they have the power in the relationship and that they can treat you as they like. Please, save your dignity - you're not desperate - they've just lost the best thing that ever happened to them and they just don't know it yet. Use the paper and pen to write down what you want to say - it's cathartic - but do not send it or say it. read over it and once you've got in out of your system - tear it up. Repeat as required. Exercise - something that gets the heart pumping and makes you sweat - afterwards you'll feel better for the endorphins, you'll feel clearheaded and you'll sleep better. Get a lot of sleep - you've had an emotional shock. Your body and mind need rest. Start reading that book you've wanted to read for ages and get at least 8 hours a night of solid, REM, dribble-on-the-pillow sleep. In your waking leisure hours, if you don't feel like hanging out with friends and family, read the papers, books, magazines, do crosswords or Sudoku - keep your mind occupie but not overworked. Use your pen and paper to start planning all the things you want to do, an educational course, a shopping trip, a healthy eating and exercise plan, a holiday - whatever...plan yourself a treat or make plans to do something you've always wanted to do. repeat this pattern for six to 12 weeks. It is hard for the first 4 weeks. But if you follow this plan you will save your dignity, show that you are not desperate, and most importantly heal and feel better, stronger, more in control and hold yourself with your head high. It is better to be single than to be with someone who does not appreciate your true worth. Go talk to a psych if you need to and get some meds to get you through very very bad break ups. there is no shame in seeking help for emotional issues - the world would be better off if we were all forced to take stock and become more self aware and work through our issues. Good luck. And if you're like me, your ex will suffer the consequences of their actions and become miserable because they let you go. His loss, okay? Cheers!
serratededges Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I know that this is true, since I usually do the breakig up, but it sztill feels like I am so empty. Thank you for the advice every bit of support helps.
sparktonSS Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I agree with most of your great post! For me, exercise makes it worse. Lifting or cardio...both made it worse for me. The thing that does work for me which is exercise related, is a KILLER hi intensity run. I mean the one where you can only run two miles max, and then you run three. That really gets my mind off of everything and anything. Also, no contact is not the best course of action in all cases. It very much so should be a case by case decision.
foxh1234 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Do it. It is one of the best things you will ever do in your life - you will feel so much better, stronger and in control. You will need - one significant or potential other who has treated you poorly; one break up; your favourite beer (I chose Coopers Ale but Becks should work just as well); a television series on DVD that you haven't watched before - like Scrubs or Will and Grace; books, newspapers and magazines; exercise; a pen and paper; a comfortable bed; some will power. Okay, you feel bad but they've hurt you and they have done so intentionally - they don't want to be with you or they do not see your value. You CANNOT convince them otherwise with words or sex - it's a fundamental mistake to believe you can. What you should do: No contact of any kind - that means e-mail, phone, letters, talking. If you need to retrieve something from their place or need to work out bills or something - get a thrid party friend to act on your behalf. Drink a couple of beers on the couch while you watch tv on DVD - a well written comedy is best - not Sex and the City though because it will make you think too much about being single. Try Scrubs or That 70's show and work your way through every episode you haven't seen. it's a distraction from your thoughts, the comedy makes you happier, and it makes you focus on something else. Do not get drunk - a hangover and depression is the worst combo. Drink a couple to calm your stomach and for enjoyment but do not get fuzzy headed. You will be tempted to ring them or email them to tell them what you think or to get more answers as to WHY? from them. Do not do this. it will show them that they have the power in the relationship and that they can treat you as they like. Please, save your dignity - you're not desperate - they've just lost the best thing that ever happened to them and they just don't know it yet. Use the paper and pen to write down what you want to say - it's cathartic - but do not send it or say it. read over it and once you've got in out of your system - tear it up. Repeat as required. Exercise - something that gets the heart pumping and makes you sweat - afterwards you'll feel better for the endorphins, you'll feel clearheaded and you'll sleep better. Get a lot of sleep - you've had an emotional shock. Your body and mind need rest. Start reading that book you've wanted to read for ages and get at least 8 hours a night of solid, REM, dribble-on-the-pillow sleep. In your waking leisure hours, if you don't feel like hanging out with friends and family, read the papers, books, magazines, do crosswords or Sudoku - keep your mind occupie but not overworked. Use your pen and paper to start planning all the things you want to do, an educational course, a shopping trip, a healthy eating and exercise plan, a holiday - whatever...plan yourself a treat or make plans to do something you've always wanted to do. repeat this pattern for six to 12 weeks. It is hard for the first 4 weeks. But if you follow this plan you will save your dignity, show that you are not desperate, and most importantly heal and feel better, stronger, more in control and hold yourself with your head high. It is better to be single than to be with someone who does not appreciate your true worth. Go talk to a psych if you need to and get some meds to get you through very very bad break ups. there is no shame in seeking help for emotional issues - the world would be better off if we were all forced to take stock and become more self aware and work through our issues. Good luck. And if you're like me, your ex will suffer the consequences of their actions and become miserable because they let you go. His loss, okay? Cheers! Great post, well said. NC is the only way for me. The problem is she contacts me every month or so and it screws me up for a few days. I am getting better though.
df273 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Well thought out post. It all makes sense, but realizing it does is another course. When you are stuck in that shock period, you don't think right. This may not make sense for someone in shock. Once out of it tho, this is the way to go it seems.
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