justine4 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I didn't go through the whole chasing/begging scenario whenever we ended at the end of April. We basically ended because when he sent a text, the night before his mum went into surgery and his stress level was code red. The text said "i'm withdrawing again & finding it tough to want to hang on and ur prob feeling the same way in some way2. Just don't want us to string each other along anymore". Him sending texts on similar lines to this (there where a few asking what did I see in him, doubting himself and things in his life etc) wasn't out of the ordinary and normally I'd ring him and we'd talk, he'd feel better, thank me for calming him down, tell me how much he loved me etc and things would be fine. However, on this occassion I flipped. I rang him and said I know that his mum is v ill and I understand that emotions are running very high however, he couldn't flooring me with texts like this. I told him I wasn't going to try and talk him around and how frustrating it all was. Only a couple of days before he'd even booked and paid for a weekend away for us to go in July, told me how lucky he was to have me, how serious we where etc. Let me just say that I never ever pushed him in our relationship. I didn't make plans for the future as he has low-self esteem and commitment issues, therefore I didn't want to 'scare him off!' He was the one who did all the planning, told me he wanted to spend his life with me, asked if I would consider having baby with him etc.... (SORRY, I'M WAFFLING HERE AND NOT GETTING TO THE POINT. I DO HOPE YOU'LL CARRY ON READING AS I REALLY NEED INPUT HERE) My question is - because I didn't do the 'please don't leave me, you are the love of my life (which i believe he is)' etc will he think i am moving on and thats it between us? He has very low self-esteem and therefore may well be thinking this. The real truth is that i'm still devastated. He's the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, is on my mind constantly all day, and the last thing I think of before going to bed. I'm still tearful after 8 weeks and I've never experienced this depth of loss ever in my life before. I'm so desparate to get back together with him. I know his mind is all over the place with his mum at the moment, and he doesn't cope with stress at all, and I know that maybe as time goes on and his mind is in a better place, he'll be more able to think about us. It might also be worth noting that he has suffered from severe depression before and I don't think he'd want me to see him in a 'hole', even though I'd be there for him, no question, he'd feel like it showed him to be weak, needing the support. I haven't contact him at all since we seperated, but he texted me regularly to give updates on his mum etc. I responded, but brief responses. The thing is, now we're 8weeks down the line. What if neither person makes a move because the other thinks they're going to get rejected? Has anyone experienced this and lost the other person altogether? Apologies for the long text. Good job they don't charge us by the word lol ...
ate_the_paint Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I think there's a chance but only if one of you makes a move. You won't win a game of chess by having your pawns stare at each other. Ask him (it's not begging if you force him to answer) if he wants to come back. That will pretty much end all the confusion for you.
Author justine4 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 I think there's a chance but only if one of you makes a move. You won't win a game of chess by having your pawns stare at each other. Ask him (it's not begging if you force him to answer) if he wants to come back. That will pretty much end all the confusion for you. Thanks ATP. Thats kind of what I was thinking too. The last time we texted was 2weeks ago now, it's the longest time we've gone. There was no reason for him to text. He asked if me and my two daughters where doing well and thanked me, again, for the great times we'd had. I replied and asked how his mum was, and got no response. I texted him then the following day to say i hadn't received a reply and he apologized, said he'd sent one back immediately, and resent it to me. We chatted via text for the rest of the day, and the last text was from me to say I was thinking of moving to a different county(wouldn't make a diff to him anyway as he lives 2hrs away from me) and that I'd come to realise in the last few weeks that maybe one of the reasons I'd been so happy for the last 1.5yrs when we where together was because I'd also been getting out of the very small town where I live and seeing new places with him. I didn't want it to sound like thats why I'd been happy and not because of him, but that I wasn't moping around feeling bad (which I am) and was doing something in my life. He said it would be hard for me with no family around if I moved and would be easier with someone. I replied it would be easier with someone, not on my own, but i'd always make friends wherever i went. That was 2 weeks ago, and neither of us has sent any more texts. Am also concerned that several texts that he sent haven't got through to me, and what if he has sent any more texts without me receiving them since we ended, and has got the impression I've ignored him?
kizik Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 What if neither person makes a move because the other thinks they're going to get rejected? Yes. Fear of rejection is what's keeping me from calling my ex. And you know why? B/c I would get rejected. And there's no way of knowing if YOU would get rejected either. In some way, you already have been, b/c of the breakup - feelings of rejection and unworthiness usually occur on both sides, no matter who did the dumping. I can tell you this - I'm not going through that again with this girl. Each time you put yourself out there, you have expectations, and whenever you have expectations that are not met - you are getting "dumped" all over again. So, all you can do is not contact him until you truly start to care less about him. And eventually you won't care about him at all.
Author justine4 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 Yes. Fear of rejection is what's keeping me from calling my ex. And you know why? B/c I would get rejected. And there's no way of knowing if YOU would get rejected either. In some way, you already have been, b/c of the breakup - feelings of rejection and unworthiness usually occur on both sides, no matter who did the dumping. I can tell you this - I'm not going through that again with this girl. Each time you put yourself out there, you have expectations, and whenever you have expectations that are not met - you are getting "dumped" all over again. So, all you can do is not contact him until you truly start to care less about him. And eventually you won't care about him at all. I don't think that'll ever happen. I think I'll always care about him. I could've gotten over it a lot easier if there was loss of feelings from either of us, or if one of us had been unfaitfhful. But that isn't the case. My big question is how, if you don't put yourself out there (like I say, I didn't do the begging and pleading for him to return) how do you know? I am trying to weigh up whether I'm strong enough to take the rejection (if that was to be the case, and I don't think I am) or whether I live regretting not trying? He is a trouble man. Before all the problems with his mum came up, he was struggling with handling life, but know his mum is really sick, he doesn't cope very well at all. Why can't life ever be simple? A year ago I was flying to Tunisia for a week of pure bliss with him... oh, I wish I could turn the clocks back...
TrustInYourself Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 It's pretty simple to call and ask how he's doing.
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