kizik Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 You invaded my mind today. And I couldn't get rid of you. I talk a lot of advice about banishing thoughts of one's ex - but I couldn't get rid of you, no matter how many times I tried. I keep telling myself - I should be over you. Well, f*ck should. Each day is different. Some are better, and some days, like today, are worse. The thoughts of you that entered my head today were of your beauty and your crystal-clear voice. None of that negative stuff came into play today... so, unfortunately, I couldn't get angry at you. At my mom's house for dinner tonight, I saw a picture of us on our anniversary. We were happily posing for the camera. Your long, gorgeous hair, precisely pinned. Our smiles. All of this reminded me of your beauty. When I drive through town, I look for your car. When I go to the post office, I nervously hope you or your parents are not there. [They will say this thread belongs in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex" section. F*ck that.] I'm not nearly over you. I've had several days in which I blocked you from my heart. But I still love you, despite what you did to me. To us. And I am not ashamed to admit it. It's OK that you still invade my heart and mind. What could one expect, after 3 long years? You don't just disappear so easily. I'm not going to guilt myself into thinking I should be over you already. I'm not. I'm not over you yet. And that's OK.
iwish Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 It is perfectly ok Kizik, you are one of the strongest people on here and i admire your strength. We all have our bad days and there is nothing wrong with missing someone. Just life your chin up, smile and try to stop thinking about her for a bit. Tomorrow is another day.
ioncebelieved Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I think that is just it!!! I feel the same way and for so long I have been telling myself I should be over it. You are right!!!! It is okay NOT to be over it yet and with that in mind I shall do even better with my feelings, NC, and moving on. "I'm not over you yet-and That's OK!!!" ME TOO!!! Perfect!!
foxh1234 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 You invaded my mind today. And I couldn't get rid of you. I talk a lot of advice about banishing thoughts of one's ex - but I couldn't get rid of you, no matter how many times I tried. I keep telling myself - I should be over you. Well, f*ck should. Each day is different. Some are better, and some days, like today, are worse. The thoughts of you that entered my head today were of your beauty and your crystal-clear voice. None of that negative stuff came into play today... so, unfortunately, I couldn't get angry at you. At my mom's house for dinner tonight, I saw a picture of us on our anniversary. We were happily posing for the camera. Your long, gorgeous hair, precisely pinned. Our smiles. All of this reminded me of your beauty. When I drive through town, I look for your car. When I go to the post office, I nervously hope you or your parents are not there. [They will say this thread belongs in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex" section. F*ck that.] I'm not nearly over you. I've had several days in which I blocked you from my heart. But I still love you, despite what you did to me. To us. And I am not ashamed to admit it. It's OK that you still invade my heart and mind. What could one expect, after 3 long years? You don't just disappear so easily. I'm not going to guilt myself into thinking I should be over you already. I'm not. I'm not over you yet. And that's OK. Well said Kiz, I agree with you. I think the key for us is to control the thoughts and not let them control us. Of course we are not over them, 3 years for you, 8 for me, I just don't want to sit and wallow everyday anymore. When we have bad days we just have to ride them out knowing better days are coming.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I'm not. I'm not over you yet. And that's OK.It is OK. You don't have to force it. It takes strength of character to admit that.
sid3 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Any emotionally healthy person wouldn't be. It hasn't been all that long K, so your right where you should be. Stick with the n/c and it will get better. Although most here would like some contact with an ex, it's not always what it's cracked up to be. After a month of getting on with my life and coming to terms that it was over, I get a text, then a call from the ex. "I'm sorry and I miss you" Umm, ok. So Like a fool I call her back and she promises to work on the flaky behavior. "Call me as soon as you get back in town" Like a fool, I did. Now I sit having left a voicemail yesterday afternoon. I guess I should be angry, but actually I feel more disgusted. I wasn't bothering anybody, yet she chose to send a little more hurt my way. Why? I don't know. I was nothing but good to her. I imagine she was looking for an ego boost. Apparently, I provided it for her. The point is, getting contact is not always the best thing for us. Not being over someone too quickly is ok. Consider yourself fortunate that your ex has enough respect for you to leave you alone.
ioncebelieved Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Consider yourself fortunate that your ex has enough respect for you to leave you alone. Mine really does not (respect that is)! Just the other day after a week or so of NC, she sends me an IM and asks me to turn on my web camera. It was a LDR anyways and if she wanted to see me so badly it could happen. That was messed up what your ex did to you!! You like me in my situation could analyze it until the cows come home, but why continue basting in misery???? Cheers my friend!!
dharris27 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 this is beautifully written. And i think i need to be okay too, that's the first step to getting over it. Self acceptance.
ianandris Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Amen, bro. **** should. Who said it's a good idea to banish thought of an ex from your mind? IMO, the important thing is not to dispense with the idea of your SO, to pretend as if you no longer love the person, to pretend that they weren't a huge, important part of your life, but to move beyond that love. Avoiding thoughts, like avoiding places or avoiding activities that remind you of your ex, does nothing more than temporarily distance yourself from the emotions you feel. Those emotions won't go away, they need to be processed. You process them by experiencing them all the way through. Feel it all, bro, and never be caught up in what you "should" be feeling or thinking. Do what you know to do, but let your emotions run their course. Allow yourself mourn your loss.
stlnsmile Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Kizik, there are no should be's in any of this. We all hurt, and we all get over things as we will. I still hurt after 6 months. Most days are good, some really aren't. Today is not a good day for me after another rejection from a guy. It blows my self esteem into the ground. Don't beat yourself up Kiz....no point. Time is all you have. It is your friend, and as time goes on, you will move on to a point where those days just become less. Maybe once every 3 months instead of once every three days. Its okay Kiz...you'll be alright. So will I:)
Author kizik Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 Thanks, everyone, for your encouragement and responses. I think it helps to know that there WILL be pain... but I CAN HANDLE IT. I've gone through the worst - the immobility, disbelief, lack of acceptance. Crying at every little memory. And I'd be lying if I said things weren't notably better since those few weeks of the breakup. But I'm not OK yet. And I'm only in control up to a point. Fox, I've been trying to push those thoughts out of my head, but they still find their way in somehow. And it's OK. I am strong, and time will take care of things.
foxh1234 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Thanks, everyone, for your encouragement and responses. I think it helps to know that there WILL be pain... but I CAN HANDLE IT. I've gone through the worst - the immobility, disbelief, lack of acceptance. Crying at every little memory. And I'd be lying if I said things weren't notably better since those few weeks of the breakup. But I'm not OK yet. And I'm only in control up to a point. Fox, I've been trying to push those thoughts out of my head, but they still find their way in somehow. And it's OK. I am strong, and time will take care of things. One day at a time man, you and I will laugh about this a year from now when we both have hot new GF's and great lives again. Wait and see. I had a pretty hot date last night, first one since the breakup. I had not been out on a date in 8 years!!! It went very well and should lead to another. The same thing will happen to you once school starts or maybe even sooner. I think you are doing great and I am very proud of you.
northstar1 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 One day at a time man, you and I will laugh about this a year from now when we both have hot new GF's and great lives again. Wait and see. I had a pretty hot date last night, first one since the breakup. I had not been out on a date in 8 years!!! It went very well and should lead to another. The same thing will happen to you once school starts or maybe even sooner. I think you are doing great and I am very proud of you. Good for you man. I'm trying to get to that point of wanting to get out and date. Soon.
Author kizik Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 One day at a time man, you and I will laugh about this a year from now when we both have hot new GF's and great lives again. Wait and see. I had a pretty hot date last night, first one since the breakup. I had not been out on a date in 8 years!!! It went very well and should lead to another. The same thing will happen to you once school starts or maybe even sooner. I think you are doing great and I am very proud of you. Congrats on your date, Fox! That's exciting stuff. You're right, I'll be laughing about this crap in no time. Thanks for being proud of me, bro. Your encouragement is invaluable. -k
ate_the_paint Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Awesome kizik. I'm brand new here (less than 24 hours) and already posts like yours are making more sense than my own brain is able to right now.
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