Stupid Crazy S!ht: Another Update

[Nemo]

Nemo I am going to be really blunt with you, this "it is time of profound learning about yourself and pushing yourself to your limits" crap is the most ignorant thing I have ever heard. If you want to push yourself and learn more about yourself and really test your limits go volunteer with kids that have incurable diseases. Go to a foreing country in a completely different continent to a culture completely different than yours and spend a few months there and learn to relate to a bunch of people who's language you don't even know or food you can't even recognise, learn a new language, be a volunteer at a home where mentally challenged kids are taught, if you REALLY want to push your limits and find more about yourself THAT's the way to do it.

Fair enough. But that sounds more like pushing one's limits of depression and frustration, more than a voyage of self-discovery. What you're describing is a very valuable contribution to society, but none of that would be possible without a sense of perspective. And that perspective is forged in one's early twenties, partying hard and soaking up every last drop of the pure pleasure that comes from releasing all one's inhibitions, and living life on the edge. Without this perspective, future generations would lack the creativity, vision, and purpose that is needed to deal with the critical issues of tomorrow. Self-discovery is a basic rite of passage, and we should not encourage it's curtailment by labelling people with problems they clearly do not have. Life is too short to live in ignorance of one's limits. Surely you understand that?

[Trialbyfire]

Nemo, while I understand what you're saying about everyone having fun as a younger teenager and adult, this is spook we're talking about. Not to insult spook but I see her constantly headed towards disaster, always on the brink. A high-risk lifestyle with impulse control issues or whatever you want to call it, makes for some deadly consequences, if luck doesn't fall her way.

[Art_Critic]

Nemo, while I understand what you're saying about everyone having fun as a younger teenager and adult, this is spook we're talking about. Not to insult spook but I see her constantly headed towards disaster, always on the brink. A high-risk lifestyle with impulse control issues or whatever you want to call it, makes for some deadly consequences, if luck doesn't fall her way.

 

Having fun as a young 20 something more time than not involves drinking and I also see where nemo is coming from..

 

Her college days are over though.. she now works a good job.. it is time for her to start to ease back on the partying and she doesn't seem to be able to do that..

 

She has posted at least on 2 occasions that she was cutting back or even quitting her drinking but she has done neither..

 

She has also posted that All of her relatives are Alcoholics and have died from liver disease.. She posted her brother is a drug addict..

 

Alcoholism has been proven to be hereditary and she has even mentioned that she should pay more attention to her family history but she doesn't..

She continues to drink...

 

If anything drinking thru your college years can take a budding Alcoholic and turn them into full blown problem drinkers..

 

If she had posted before that she had her partying and drinking under control I might think differently.

You don't have to look very far into her posts on LS to see the posts promising to stop or reduce her drinking..

 

This is classic behavior of someone who being a budding Alcoholic is having trouble keeping their drinking under control.

 

She has also posted before about having blackouts or not remembering how she got home..

 

I haven't been trying to condemn her.. I'm just looking at all her posts about her drinking and coming to a conclusion that she needs to either quit or cut back...

 

She reminds me of how I drank when I was her age...

[Tomcat33]

Fair enough. But that sounds more like pushing one's limits of depression and frustration, more than a voyage of self-discovery. What you're describing is a very valuable contribution to society, but none of that would be possible without a sense of perspective. And that perspective is forged in one's early twenties, partying hard and soaking up every last drop of the pure pleasure that comes from releasing all one's inhibitions, and living life on the edge. Without this perspective, future generations would lack the creativity, vision, and purpose that is needed to deal with the critical issues of tomorrow. Self-discovery is a basic rite of passage, and we should not encourage it's curtailment by labelling people with problems they clearly do not have. Life is too short to live in ignorance of one's limits. Surely you understand that?

 

Perspective is sitting by the bedside of a child that has a year to live who deteriorates by the second consumed by Leukemia yet he still finds it in himself to be filled with joy every time you walk into the room to read them a story.

 

Perspective is getting so wasted out of your mind you wake up in some stranger's house wearing their clothes, thinking they are yours, and thinking it is your house after roaming the streets all night high as kite thinking there is some conspiracy against you and everyone wants you dead. Beind so messed up that you snap and you stay in that state of paranoia for a week straight. But when people told you to slow down you wrote that off because you were only having fun (this happened to someone I know)

 

Perspective is sitting at the table of an adult that has lived for most of his life under communism and he pulls out a National Geographic magazine neatly wrapped in a cloth and they proudly show you their prize because their hunger for knowledge and personal improvement supercedes their need to earn money and when they recount facts of the places they would like visit around the world, having no access to public literature you are mesmorized one human being could be so driven to learn so much when it's not even for monetary gain.

 

Perspective is getting a phone call on a Tuesday hearing that a friend, one whom you've had many a crazy drunken nights with, has hung himself and had left this world without giving anyone a clue he would. Yet we all thought it was just another party night like no other when we said good bye to him on Saturday night.

 

 

Perspective is in being in a town so poor that people alternate to have electricity. You walk out from a sticky hot room that feels like 100F into the night whis is in fact 97F and you hear singing and clapping and walk out to the end of the road and find that the town's people are dancing and singing to the tune of one man's guitar playing while two men drum on wooden crates. And everyone one is happy and laughing and dancing, your in the dark with some rikety candles a bunch of stray dogs and sweating buckets and yet you've never felt better.

 

Perspective comes in many forms Nemo, and I am not denying that there is great fun to be had in experimentation with drugs or alcohol I would be a hypocrite to say otherwise but when a person feels concern for their own actions and they start to question why they do what they do, then that is when you use perspective to measure what they're reaching out for.

 

Perspective is what some of those people who were pushing themselves to the limits partying because it was the thing to do, even though it didn't quite feel right, could have used more of. Had they had more perspective on things, perhaps they'd be amongst us and chatting with us today.

[sb129]

Thoughtful post Tomcat.

 

I find it interesting that there seems to be an international divide on this thread regarding attitudes to binge drinking.

 

The antipodean way of thinking that everyone parties hard in their 20s and grows out of it is definitely the one that I myself grew up with, and it is similar here in the UK. Many, many people who have alcohol problems by definition dismiss them because "everyone else does it". I personally am not much of a drinker now, but I definitely spent alot of my early 20s wasted and got through it, although i wouldn't say i am proud of some of those times.

 

From what I can gather, it is much more socially acceptable to be a non drinker in the US, and that people seem to be much more open about alcoholism and its treatment etc.

 

Its an interesting observation.

[nocturnal_kiss]

Jonathan Swift, 1730s, during the Irish potato famine:

 

 

I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom a very great additional grievance; and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

 

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection. I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.

 

I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend or his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants; the mother will have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child.

 

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.

[Replicant]

She is off the pole. This is her first job that she is using her education to do, the one she was SO excited to get etc etc. I would hate to see Spookie jeopardise her brand new career over something like booze or a guy.

 

I gathered she was off the pole already, this is a commendable stride forward but one she made through decisions on her own to change. Back on topic I see workplace relationships as problematic (or potential to be), a certain line never to be crossed. Especially if she's just starting out as an intern. Proceed with caution like i said before.

 

Spookie's a smart girl, i think she'll make the right decisions in time through growing up. Just like the majority grow out of the hard partying phase. So i'm not going to judge a girl in her early 20's for doing such. It's absolutely not out of character to see this, give or take how much they push the limits (Consumption) at the time in question varies per person as does the fallout from such. As well as i did not get the impression she enjoyed going into work the next day half snapped, as in her original post. So live and learn.

 

While advice from those whom were past alcoholics/drug abusers or the direct opposite being those whom chose never to do such past/present or future tense. While the advice may be sound based on experiences/morality i agree. It's coming from your perspectives, and things that altered your lives..She's 22 give her the chance to do the same.

[sb129]

Fair enough- I learned the hard way that going into work with a hangover is hell, easy to forget those days though isn't it.

[Nemo]

Fair enough- I learned the hard way that going into work with a hangover is hell, easy to forget those days though isn't it.

That's why it's important to take lots of pictures.

[sb129]

That's why it's important to take lots of pictures.

 

They are under lock and key, and thankfully none are in digital format.

[Tomcat33]

Thoughtful post Tomcat.

 

I find it interesting that there seems to be an international divide on this thread regarding attitudes to binge drinking.

 

The antipodean way of thinking that everyone parties hard in their 20s and grows out of it is definitely the one that I myself grew up with, and it is similar here in the UK. Many, many people who have alcohol problems by definition dismiss them because "everyone else does it". I personally am not much of a drinker now, but I definitely spent alot of my early 20s wasted and got through it, although i wouldn't say i am proud of some of those times.

 

From what I can gather, it is much more socially acceptable to be a non drinker in the US, and that people seem to be much more open about alcoholism and its treatment etc.

 

Its an interesting observation.

 

Yes you know that IS interesting. You must be in the UK SB129, correct? I often wondered what is considred an alcoholic when the UK culture heavily revolves around drinking socially. I mean how can you tell an alcoholic from a non one when everyone does it much more so than in North America?

 

An exboyfriend of mine was British and every time we had family gatherings there was a lot of drinking, like let's say it was Sunday Easter dinner we were celebrating, if we arrived at 2pm the drinking would start pretty much then and go on all afternoon and past dinner. I seriously could not keep up and in fact would not start my drinking until dinner was served because it was just too much for my poor liver to handle, LOL not to mention the last thing I wanted was to make an azz out of myself infront of all his family. But I had my concerns at times and yet after I got to know them really well it seemed like it was so second nature for them, and not a "problem" at all. Though I still have my doubts and I think they would not have discussed it openly had they thought they indeed had a drinking problem....?

[Tomcat33]

They are under lock and key, and thankfully none are in digital format.

 

 

Or you can do as my brother in law does. A few weeks ago we were out at an art exhibit event and it was open bar and the group of us had quite a bit to drink, some photographers from local papers were taking pics of us and kept asking us for pictures. Well they asked us for our names since and he lied about his, we asked him "why in the world would you lie about your name!?!?" and he said "well incase the alcohol consumption really translates in the pic and someone I know sees it then I could always lie and say it was some guy that looks just like me"

[Star Gazer]

An alcoholic cannot change, but is he an alcoholic? I don't think anyone who drinks, even to the point of excess, is automatically a terminal alcoholic. Some people go through periods in their lives when they do this kind of thing and then, for one reason or another, change their lifestyles.

 

While there is a difference between alcohol abuse, and alcoholism, both are alcohol problems, no matter how you look at it.

 

When I was dating the alkie, I coulda swore you gave me advice quite contrary to the way you're leaning now. I wish that thread hadn't gotten lost in the LS disaster.

[sb129]

I am in the UK, but I am from NZ.

 

Binge drinking is a huge problem here, and it features in the news for one reason or another at least once a week.

The news usually focuses on the HUGE strain that binge drinking places on our National Health Service (70% of A&E admissions are alcohol related, rise in rates of cirrhosis in people under 40, 11 year olds with alcohol problems, middle class drinkers drinking far too much at home, that kind of thing).

 

In some places, not only is it socially acceptable to get totally trashed at least two nights a week- its expected. Booze is taxed, but you can always buy it cheap, and there are often lots of gangs of kids getting wasted in parks.

 

The social scene here revolves around pubs- but many pubs are places where you can hang out, eat, read etc as well as have a drink, not necessarily get wasted.

 

I think people do drink alot here, and that attitudes towards that are casual because its so ingrained in the culture.

 

However, there are aspects of life here that can be pretty depressing, so maybe thats why too.

[spookie]

Hey homies,

 

I'm really sorry for starting this very lively thread and then skipping out on it. B quit the internship and moved out of TT's room, so I practically moved in, and we've been working every day 7-4 and connected at the hip 4-7.

 

It's been great.

 

Do I have a drinking problem? Hm. I think I do, but that it isn't out of control. Why?

 

Someone without a problem would not have the urge to chug beer when no one's looking. TT has apparently been trying to curb his own drinking, so he called me out on mine Tuesday night when I got done with beer #3 in less than 10 mins (which is usually par for the course). I appreciated his concern, and in attempt not to look like an alcoholic switched to Diet Coke, but when he went to the bathroom the first thing I thought was, I better throw back a few while he's gone.

 

It's just so much easier to be drunk. I like being around him sober, I really do, but he makes me a little bit nervous sometimes, especially when we're just starting to hang out, and when I am drunk I don't have to think. Which is so much more comfortable for me.

 

Anyway, I did supress my urges. After the first beer, anyway. I got drunk that night but it was the sort of drunk where you're tipsy for half an hour, not still hammered the next day. That's an improvement, I think, when you combine it with the fact that it was the only night this week I drank anything.

 

We ended up going to Six Flags the next day and buying season passes so the rest of the week involved a lot less beer and way more rollercoasters.

 

Since this thread was started with the intention of talking about TT, I have another concern I'd like to bring up.

 

He invited me back home with him for the long weekend of the Fourth of July, basically to meet his parents. I was excited at the prospect at first, but tonight I met his sister, and she made me feel really bad about myself. She's one of those very classy, feminine girls who have their s!ht completely together and I felt like everything I said was inappropriate. I mean those bonding-time stories about pretty much any part of my past are out of the question as far as conversations go because I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH ANYONE. I didn't grow up in the suburbs, I don't have any grandparents, pets, or cousins, my parents are crazy, I dropped out of high school, I went to college but all I got out of it was an abortion and a half-assed stripping career, and on and on. I think I have lots of good stories, but most of them are awkward and inappropriate and I feel like if the person is the least bit conservative they automatically peg me as the enemy (or at least, not marriage material for someone's little brother).

 

So, I don't know. Do I go? From TT's and his sister's stories, their family is very... traditional. I think I'd have an awful time having to watch everything I say lest I reveal who I am, and tbh his sister's got me kind of second-guessing the entire relationship now. I've attempted to fit into someone's family before and at the end of the day it was like trying to fit a square peg into a circular hole. The entire experience made me feel led on and stupid. He ended up dumping me for a sorostitute.

 

I tend to think, when I open my eyes, that they all will.

[shadowplay]

Don't be intimidated by his sister. Your life experience makes you cool. She may "have it together" more than you, but she's probably not as interesting.

[Prodigal Princess]

Have you talked to TT about this?

 

I'm sure he has lots of stories about how imperfect his sister and the rest of his family is, and that will help allay your fears.

[spookie]

Well, I hung out with her some more, and I'm actually starting to like her. The three of us went to play pool and we had a great time. He was also affectionate toward me for the first time in public, and in front of her, so :rolleyes::rolleyes:.

[Nevermind]

I did supress my urges. After the first beer, anyway.

 

I thought you had 3 beers and had one in secret, when he went to the loo? How is that supressing your urges?

 

Don't be intimidated by the sister. His feelings are what counts.

[Ssheena]

"he's shy when he's sober and an ashshole when he's drunk"

 

Hmm... change the he's to she's and you have the OP...