Shygirl15 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Ok, guys, I know I have bitching and whinning a lot lately but this is serious. I haven't told my new boyfriend of six weeks, that my son is autistic. I'm still kind of waiting for the right moment, it's not like I'm keeping this fact away from him. Have I waited too long? I don't know, because seriously we haven't really spent much time together. We haven't even kissed for God's sake, not to mention intimacy. However, he seems so interested in LTR with me. I read somewhere that during early stages of dating, things like medical conditions should not be discussed as it can be a total turn-off. I tried at some point to bring up stories about my son, hoping to casually mention that he's autistic at some point, but he seemed somewhat disinterested, so I never had a chance. We are talking about a single guy with no kids whatsover here. However he's so loving and caring towards me. I like him a lot, he's matured and present the kind of security I need from a guy. I really want to keep this guy. Please advise? Drop the bomb now, or wait till.. a little later maybe? Thank you guys.
jerbear Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Has he met your son? I do not like the idea that he seems disinterested when you talk about your son. You and your son is a packaged deal. In a LTR, to get and keep you means getting the son also.
Author Shygirl15 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 I don't think it is a good sign that you tried to bring up stories about your son and he was disinterested.[/quote] Yeah, he wasn't, much to my dissapointment. However, I also wasn't really interested in kids' stories before I had my own child. So I kind of excused him..
Author Shygirl15 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 Has he met your son? I do not like the idea that he seems disinterested when you talk about your son. You and your son is a packaged deal. In a LTR, to get and keep you means getting the son also. No, he has not yet met my son. I really, do not want to confuse my son especially in his condition, so I was waiting until we are kind of 'solid', to introduce my BF to my son, who is non-verbal BTW.
jerbear Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 No, he has not yet met my son. I really, do not want to confuse my son especially in his condition, so I was waiting until we are kind of 'solid', to introduce my BF to my son, who is non-verbal BTW. Don't know what to say. It is hard for a guy to date a woman with kids. It is also hard for a guy to visualize life in a packaged ready made family with kids in a LTR. My opinion is to see his reaction when meeting you son. I'm giving the benefit of the doubt, that your BF maybe in denial and that he can not "digest" the son information. It is much easier to make a decision when a faceless person is involved. In your case, it is the introduction that can make or break the deal.
ibisflight Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 NO... do NOT wait until he meets your son to tell him. It is unfair both to him AND your son. Tell him now........ tell him you and your son are a package, that you would like him to meet your son, that due to the circumstances you want to be SURE he won't cut and run when faced with a medical issue before you let him meet your child. IF he has an issue, let it be only you that gets dumped and not both you AND your son. IF he has an issue, don't be sad... be glad the S O B is gone.
Jilly Bean Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I think you need to tell him, and tell him pronto. He already seems pretty disinterested in your son, but he deserves to know, and he deserves full disclosure. Wouldn't you want the same in return? Personally, I'd be pissed if someone withheld this from me. It's one thing to accept someones child, its another if the child also has a disability.
Author Shygirl15 Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 NO... do NOT wait until he meets your son to tell him. It is unfair both to him AND your son. Tell him now........ tell him you and your son are a package, that you would like him to meet your son, that due to the circumstances you want to be SURE he won't cut and run when faced with a medical issue before you let him meet your child. IF he has an issue, let it be only you that gets dumped and not both you AND your son. IF he has an issue, don't be sad... be glad the S O B is gone. Thanks a lot Ibis for advice. Surely very helpful. You know, I feel like I have introduced my son to one too many idiots, and the minute he starts warming up to them, is the same minute I have to dump them. So I'm not keen to introduce him to anymore people anytime soon. However this guy seems different. So I don't know..
Lauriebell82 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Thanks a lot Ibis for advice. Surely very helpful. You know, I feel like I have introduced my son to one too many idiots, and the minute he starts warming up to them, is the same minute I have to dump them. So I'm not keen to introduce him to anymore people anytime soon. However this guy seems different. So I don't know.. What do you mean by "I have to dump them?" Do you have a lot of relationships that fail after they meet your son?
Author Shygirl15 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 What do you mean by "I have to dump them?" Do you have a lot of relationships that fail after they meet your son? I believe I introduced 2 of my ex-BFs to my son a little too soon. Failure of these 2 relationships had nothing to do with my son, and in both cases, I was the one to break up with them. They both seemed to accept and like him a lot.
Author Shygirl15 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 I believe I introduced 2 of my ex-BFs to my son a little too soon. Failure of these 2 relationships had nothing to do with my son, and in both cases, I was the one to break up with them. They both seemed to accept and like him a lot. Just to add on, these two exes both have kids so it was very easy mentioning this issue to them. The guy in question is single with no kids, hence making it harder; plus I have noticed he has little to no interest towards kids. However, he's very good in all other areas, very gentle and caring, financially and emotionally very stable. We had another date yesterday and spent almost the whole day together, and once again I failed to bring the up this topic with him. I now feel like I'm hiding this fact from him.
blind_otter Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I personally think that it's a good idea to disclose this kind of stuff relatively early in a relationship. I agree that, since you are now spending a lot of time with this guy, you really ARE hiding this stuff from him. I would tell him ASAP, before you get too emotionally invested.
BrooklynBridge Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Ok, guys, I know I have bitching and whinning a lot lately but this is serious. I haven't told my new boyfriend of six weeks, that my son is autistic. I'm still kind of waiting for the right moment, it's not like I'm keeping this fact away from him. Have I waited too long? I don't know, because seriously we haven't really spent much time together. We haven't even kissed for God's sake, not to mention intimacy. However, he seems so interested in LTR with me. I read somewhere that during early stages of dating, things like medical conditions should not be discussed as it can be a total turn-off. I tried at some point to bring up stories about my son, hoping to casually mention that he's autistic at some point, but he seemed somewhat disinterested, so I never had a chance. We are talking about a single guy with no kids whatsover here. However he's so loving and caring towards me. I like him a lot, he's matured and present the kind of security I need from a guy. I really want to keep this guy. Please advise? Drop the bomb now, or wait till.. a little later maybe? Thank you guys. Ummm, quick question: How do you have a boyfriend of six weeks and not even kissed yet??!! That seems very weird to me......
Author Shygirl15 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 Ummm, quick question: How do you have a boyfriend of six weeks and not even kissed yet??!! That seems very weird to me...... I guess because he's so deep into his Faith, we have been moving somewhat slow in that area. We have done some soft core stuff though, and yesterday for the 1st time he kissed me.
sfsassy Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 I actually have a disability myself. Can't walk, and have a speech disability. I can't pretend that I don't have it. (Well I guess I could online, but not that type of girl. I do think it takes a special person to date either a disabled person, or a parent of a disabled person . I'm of the opinion that you should tell someone very, very soon after meeting them. Some people will freak, but do you want those men in your life? You are a package deal, and your son is going to need more care throughout his life, so guys need to be cool with that. If you just want fun, that is one thing, but if you think there could be potential for a LTR, tell the guy. I know a bit about autism. and I really think you should tell the guy before him meeting your son. If he is cool, then have him meet him. If he is hesitant, but willing to try, wait a bit. If he is very hesitant, or very freaked out, you don't need him in your life. Good luck, and keep us posted.
trubella Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 well i have a 7yr old autistic son. and i have always been upfront about my sons condition in the early stages of dating. i think its best to just lay the cards out on the table, so i know if theyre ready to bail over this or not atleast my son and i wont be affected by it. i told my bf on the 3rd date about my sons autism and he understood, but he didnt actually meet my son until recently. and we've been together for 6months now, guess im a little cautious. but i totally understand why you're scared to say, ive had guys bail once i told them. but there are some out there who are completely understanding, like my current bf. i think should just say it and see where it goes from there.
Author Shygirl15 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 well i have a 7yr old autistic son. and i have always been upfront about my sons condition in the early stages of dating. i think its best to just lay the cards out on the table, so i know if theyre ready to bail over this or not atleast my son and i wont be affected by it. i told my bf on the 3rd date about my sons autism and he understood, but he didnt actually meet my son until recently. and we've been together for 6months now, guess im a little cautious. but i totally understand why you're scared to say, ive had guys bail once i told them. but there are some out there who are completely understanding, like my current bf. i think should just say it and see where it goes from there. Thanks a lot Trubella, glad to know we share a similar situation, very comforting. I'm not sure what's happening this time; I'm always very upfront with guys too on this issue. I guess it's because I have always dated guys with kids, so we tend to talk about our kids very often. My BF is religious and a very kind person, and I know I shouldn't be worried too much about this, but still for some reason I am. I am going to mention it to him tonite. I actually have a disability myself. Can't walk, and have a speech disability. I can't pretend that I don't have it. (Well I guess I could online, but not that type of girl. I do think it takes a special person to date either a disabled person, or a parent of a disabled person . I'm of the opinion that you should tell someone very, very soon after meeting them. Some people will freak, but do you want those men in your life? You are a package deal, and your son is going to need more care throughout his life, so guys need to be cool with that. If you just want fun, that is one thing, but if you think there could be potential for a LTR, tell the guy. I know a bit about autism. and I really think you should tell the guy before him meeting your son. If he is cool, then have him meet him. If he is hesitant, but willing to try, wait a bit. If he is very hesitant, or very freaked out, you don't need him in your life. Good luck, and keep us posted. Thanks, sfsassy. Decided to mention it to him tonite, over the phone (?). Will keep you all posted..
sfsassy Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Thanks, sfsassy. Decided to mention it to him tonite, over the phone (?). Will keep you all posted.. I think it might be harder for you this time because you really care about him. I don't know if the phone is the best choice, but it probably isn't too bad. Of course I DO have a speech disability, so I'm a little phonephoic, Much prefer to have these types of talks in person.
trubella Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I'm not sure what's happening this time; I'm always very upfront with guys too on this issue. I guess it's because I have always dated guys with kids, so we tend to talk about our kids very often. My BF is religious and a very kind person, and I know I shouldn't be worried too much about this, but still for some reason I am. I am going to mention it to him tonite. I totally get that, my bf doesnt have kids either, but i just hope u didnt wait too long to tell him and he took it ok. hope everything turned out alright. let us know.
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