soulseeker Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 My bf and I are talking about moving to another city together. (paraphrasing here) He asked me what my feelings are about living together. He said that he assumed that if we moved together, that we would live together. He said he sees this as a higher level of commitment than just dating. He also said that he is ok with us dating/living together a year more-ish, but that is not all that he wants. He told me that we both want families and obviously see each other as the potential to fill that desire. Then he told me that he had this clear picture of a house and us raising a kid there. He asked me what my ring size is. I am psyched that he was so open with me about his feelings. I feel the same way about him. I am not so sure on the cohabitation deal. I have done it before, and it left a sour taste in my mouth. I did tell him that it is a big decision for me, and that I dont want us to live together just to save money. (that was not a reason he gave, just my input). I also said that if we are not ready to live together (we've been dating 7 mos) that it doesnt mean anything is bad about/wrong with our relationship. He agreed, but kinda seemed slightly disappointed. Mostly, I do kind of feel like when you are married, you build compatibility/trust, but when you cohabitate, you test these things. Thoughts?
Lauriebell82 Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 7 months is a little soon to be talking about living together, let alone MOVING together. And you are talking about marriage, houses, children? Hmm, I think you may need to slow down a little bit. I personally have no issue with living together prior to marriage, I live with my boyfriend right now and I absolutely love it. I suggest that if you are going to move together, you may just want to get seperate apartments for the time being. That's a lot of pressure on a fairly new relationship. The pressure of changing both your lives with a move and sharing an apartment could cause some problems. Get to know him a little better, then make a decision from there. What are your feelings about cohabitation? Is it something you would be open to trying again as your relationship progresses?
Author soulseeker Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 I dont know. It's been 8 mos. By the time we move (?) it will have been 10-12 months. Yes, it is fast. I have been thinking a lot about this. My ideal situation, would be to move and one of us get a 6 month lease. That way the pressure is off and after 6 mos, we can move in, if we feel like it. As I type this, it feels like the right answer Thanks for questioning it.
inloveandhurt Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Be firm, you are not moving with him. Of course you are going to miss him and want to call him 10000x a day...whatever. Being without a bf for a while is better than looking for a new apartment in a new city after a breakup. Don't say anything about marriage, then he's going to feel like this is just a trick to get him to commit. Just say that you want to stay in the city you're in and you don't want to move on something that's a gamble. He'll say that he loves you so much...agree with him...acknowledge all he's done for you...but don't move. Tell him that if you're meant to be together, it'll work out later.
Author soulseeker Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 Be firm, you are not moving with him. Of course you are going to miss him and want to call him 10000x a day...whatever. Being without a bf for a while is better than looking for a new apartment in a new city after a breakup. Don't say anything about marriage, then he's going to feel like this is just a trick to get him to commit. Just say that you want to stay in the city you're in and you don't want to move on something that's a gamble. He'll say that he loves you so much...agree with him...acknowledge all he's done for you...but don't move. Tell him that if you're meant to be together, it'll work out later. Actually, I'm the one who wants to move to the other city. He'd be following me. FWIW, I NEVER bring up any sort of commitment talk. He's the one that brings it up.
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