kyta Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 this is my first post to the site, i feel for yuo i really do, i am going through the same now, 4 wks ago me and my partner had a break as she said she was feeling down, and nedded to got to her family to sort her head out, as she felt so low, well she came home after 2 wks and looking great, all happy, but said it wasnt me its her, she wants to b on her own, so i left her alone for a wk, anyway a wk later 2 wks ago, i went round to take soem of her stuff round, an excuse to talk to her, i thought the kids would b at school and she would b alone, beast time to talk, when i knocked on the door her daughter answered it, not at school nor her sister, had friends rounds sleeping as well, the house was a mess, and there was a bong on the kitchen side,i asked where mum was and she said in bed, i walked upstairs and the bedroom doors was pulled shut, we never shut the door up, yes u know whats coming, i opened the door and yes she was asleep and next to her was some guy, we ended up saying thing to each other, i broke her phone cos she had called the police, (b4 i had said anything or done anything) i asked her why, and she just looked at me, but to cut this short, i ended up getting arrested, criminal damage, theth as i took her bracelet, (not to keep but till she paid the money for the credit card she owed on) and 2 common asluts one on the daughter, i put my hands on her shoulders and turned her in to the front room, and i did grab my x partner byt the jaw and said hopw could u do this then let go, when the police arrived they arrested me, i ended up hitting one of the police who went to grab me, i am on bail now waiting for court, im not allowed to contact her, im not even allowed in her town, i have to bee in by 9pm and not allowed out till 8am. Well the long and short of it is im fu*ked,i cant even see my friends as they all live in her town, im totally alone now, i do c a cpl friends, so not totally alone but feel it, and she doesnt even care, 7 yrs of tking her on with her 5 kids, giving everything, putting up and trying to help her with her depression, everything, i use to take the kids to school while she slept 18 hours one day, i wouldnt argue with her, i would just go and calm down if there was a problem, but i have found out from her sister last cpl of days talking, that she has cheated on me at least 6 times b4 all this, i allways felt left out, she nevr wanted to do anything, unless her sister inlaw wanted to go out on the piss, or clubbing, i let her do what ever she wanted, never stood in her way, never said she couldnt do anything. This new guy smokes pot snorts coke, has no job, no car, no money and she is giving him her money, he is 9 yrs younger than her as well, its been 2 wks no of no contact by either of us, i have the statement from the police and she even lied in them about what happened, why canu love some one so much and all they want to do is destroy u and them selves, she has 5 kids she should b looking after but she never bothers with them, except to give them money, im am dying her myself, i have lost 17lb in 2 wks, i dont know what to do with myself, i just feel like dying, no i feel like im dead, i know all the answers to what i have to do, i ahve tried to change the way i think, and it has helped a bit. But the truth is my heart wants her back, but my head tell me no, im still clinging on to her, i want to let go, the thought of her happy pleases me, but not happy that im suffering for her, im not angery with her, i feel sry for her and the kids, i just feel so lost and alone, i dont feel like im worth anything now, i feel ugly, yeat i know im not, i ahve everything to give, and willing to give it all, i never wanted anything from her except to see her smile and be happy, everything i did was for them, i lfet my life behind and made her life mine, now shes gone i my life is empty, i nkow i need to think of myself, but i just dont feel like i want anything but her, god im so confused, yet she seems to b happy, or so my head is telling me, new guy all fun, laughts and jokes, drinking, kids doing what they want now, why why why why, all i keep saying. Ill end this long post and rabble now so hopefully i havent bored anyone to much, but it can allways be worse, im just hoping i waont go to prison for this when i go to court, as i will then lose my home as well. Ill say sry for the ramble now to you all.
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