soyou Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Pain is still here with me every moment. It has been two weeks. I still feel like I just broke up yesterday. Weekends are always hard time for me since I have a lot of free time and stupidly I use most of my time missing him and upsetting myself. Yesterday morning when I was working, he sent me an msg in yahoo "Hi". My heart was about to break down. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him but pretended "I dont know you. Sorry". Then he just said nothing. He destroyed my whole morning. I had tried to hold all the feeling inside and to not miss him. Suddenly, he disturbed me... I could not focus on working more. My tears were just falling. My colleages asked me if sth was wrong. I lied that a close friend of mine got a serious accident and was now in hospital. I tried to make myself busy today by going shopping and hanging around. It just did not work. When I came home, alone by myself , I feel so down again. I wish I could work during the weekend so I dont have anytime to think of him. Things are just going wrong with me. There are many fishes in the sea, why do I just like this ugly, ****ty fish?
ianandris Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 No easy answers, girl. So many people say it's a bad idea to think about your ex. They say you should just pick yourself up and move on. Busy yourself. Kick it with friends. You know. All good things and worth doing (especially spending time with other people). The important thing, though, isn't to keep your ex out of your mind, but to think about things constructively. You've been hurt. It sucks, and it sucks bad. We're going through it, too. It hurts, and you can't rush through the pain, unfortunately. You can't erase the time you spent, the happiness you felt with that person. The feeling of contendedness and comfort. You're completely justified in missing him. Feel everything you need to feel. Let yourself feel it, too. Don't be self critical through this process. This is a grieving process as real and substantial as any grieving process. Let it runs its course. But, at some point, when you've felt what you need to, you will need to accept that this person is not, and will not be a part of your life anymore. As soon as you do, as soon as you completly, honestly do, you'll begin to feel better (it may seem counter-intuitive, but it's true. Without accepting it, you'll always be missing the person, pining for your SO. Accepting that it's over enables you to move on.) Life goes on. Life will get improve. You'll be happy again, and soon. You'll meet other guys. You'll have companionship again. You'll have love again. You'll find a beautiful fish that'll love you and take care of you better than the one you just lost did. Things will work out. You'll feel better. I promise. But, before anything else can happen, you have to confront and accept the fact that your SO is gone and won't be coming back. It's the one hard truth that will move you past the hump. But don't rush it. Take it easy. Feel things. Let yourself feel things. It's the only way to heal. I'm so so so sorry for your loss. For your pain. I wish I could be there to give you a warm hug.
df273 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I agree with IAN. Im in a similar situation. my girlfriend asked me to leave after 3 1/2 years together, 3 yrs living with eachother. Im on week 4 of being out of my home. Tomarrow i am getting my belongings. What i have found to help me through this so far is go out with friends, and occupy your free time with things you enjoy. I'm in the mood right now that i never want another woman ever in my life again. I'm sure i will be out of this eventually, but in the mean time, im letting myself be me. I've been living with my brother, working on our relationship together. When im alone i usually can only think of her, so i eliminate my alone time. It's hard, but seems to work. I know how you are feeling. It's hard to beleive sometimes, i know, but things will get better. Reframe from contact and keep you mind busy. I wish you the best of luck, and just know, theres many out there feeling the pain you are feeling.
sunshine111 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I feel for you. it took me 12 months to get over my ex. I hated weekends too. I found the only way was to stay in bed and sleep! Then I started internet dating and have met some lovely people, had a few relationships which helped me get over the ex in the early weeks of the break up and it worked. I am completely ex free, i may have broken a few hearts in the process but I don't have any regrets.
ianandris Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Oooh, sunshine. I'm one of the guys that was used to get over an ex and, to be frank, it SUCKS. Please, don't ever advocate hopping into a relationship until you're completely ready to. Breaking someone's heart is nothing to be proud of or flippant about. People's feelings should be treated with respect. It's absolutely unfair to break someone's heart just so you can heal more quickly. Soyou, heal first, then date. Don't date before you're ready, EVER. Oh, and, typically, if you have to quantify your actions with "I don't have any regrets" it means you acknowledge that you've done things you very rightly should feel regretful about. Fact is, whether you admit it to yourself or not, you probably do harbor regrets about walking over other people's feelings for self interested reasons. I STRONGLY advise against such behavior.
kyta Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Oooh, sunshine. I'm one of the guys that was used to get over an ex and, to be frank, it SUCKS. Please, don't ever advocate hopping into a relationship until you're completely ready to. Breaking someone's heart is nothing to be proud of or flippant about. People's feelings should be treated with respect. It's absolutely unfair to break someone's heart just so you can heal more quickly. Soyou, heal first, then date. Don't date before you're ready, EVER. Oh, and, typically, if you have to quantify your actions with "I don't have any regrets" it means you acknowledge that you've done things you very rightly should feel regretful about. Fact is, whether you admit it to yourself or not, you probably do harbor regrets about walking over other people's feelings for self interested reasons. I STRONGLY advise against such behavior. I totally agree.
sunshine111 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 men do it all the time. I didnt intentionally hurt people. I wasnt about to spend at least 6 months in pain when I didnt have to. I let the guys i dated know that i still had feelings for my ex and they willingly got involved. I am still friends with them, it didnt end nasty I just couldn't fall in love. I would have done anything to heal the pain I was feeling and it work for me.
ianandris Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Who cares if men do it all the time? That doesn't make it okay. You said you would have done anything to heal the pain you were feeling. I can't endorse that kind of advice. There are some things that you just. shouldn't. do. I completely understand the desire to have that closeness with someone else, and there's nothing wrong with dating, but getting emotionally involved with someone else before you're ready to is not the right way to do things.
sunshine111 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Yes I agree, but sometimes we don't do things we should. The original post was having difficulty getting over their ex. Everyones advice was just to keep busy... keeping busy is very hard 24/7. I offered my advice, it helped me.. When we're hurting its very hard to put others before yourself. I know it was wrong but it helped me and the original post was asking for help. In my experience the only way to get over an ex you loved is to try and mask the pain you feel in seeing other men.
Author soyou Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 Kisses to all of you, especially for Ian. Thank you so much for your kind words. Even though it's not really easy at this moment to let go totally and to move on comletely, I am feeling a bit better today. Still, cant help checking my emails about 50times a day with a skinny hope that there might be something or explaination from him. When I really have to go pee or take shower, I am so tupidly worried that he might be online, wants to chat with me but I am not there to chat with him. Tomorrow, everything will be routine again, work, work, and work. I dont love my job so much but it consumes my time and keeps me so busy that's what I really need at this moment. I have a feeling that he will call me tomorrow or bump into me in yahoo (my intituition is never wrong). What shall I do? 1. Ignore and talk nothing to him 2. Throw **** words on his face 3. Act like a casual friend 4. Beg him for love
ianandris Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I'm glad you're feeling better. That's how it goes. Each day is just a little better than the one before it and, before you know it, you're on the other side of the experience. The correct answer is number 3. He broke your heart, so he doesn't deserve a glimpse into it anymore. Getting mad at him or begging him is the WORST thing you can do. Guard those feelings. Be casual, as though he didn't impact you in the slightest. Solid no contact isn't a bad idea, either. It's definitely what you should do if you don't think you can handle talking to him nonchalantly without slipping into number 2 or number 4.
sultry33 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 totally agree with ian.. busy busy.. and dont date tioll your ready.. plus of course answer 3
df273 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I'd stick with ignore it. Unless it is something imperative, such as emergency or some other incident, i'd stear clear of contact.
berny72 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 be strong and hang in there. Don`t talk and just wait if it`s something important.
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