jande23 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I've been married for almost seven years now (together for 11 years). I love my husband. However, that being said --- there's a guy at work that I'm attracted to. Its been over a year now, that we've worked together. It seems like there's a mutual attraction -at least I think so......? He'd often pop into my office to say hi, or adjust the tempeture, etc. He's always friendly, smiling, etc. He's often given me compliments like 'that was cute', or 'I like the new haircut'. In fact, one time he went out of his way to tell me that I looked like an attractive celebrity on a TV show. We seemed to run into each other a lot. The thing is that he's in a serious relationship -he has a child with his significant other, and she also works at the same company. However, it was a harmless little flirtation. The last few days though, its completely changed. I haven't run into him as much, and there's been a couple times that he was near my office but did not stop in to say hello. We've barely said two words to each other, and it almost feels as though he's deliberately avoiding me. The last interaction we had, was with his girlfriend, him, and myself. He complimented my hair cut and she actually complimented the outfit I had on. But since then, its been different. Could I have misread all the signals? It certainly seemed like there was a mutual attraction, but now I'm wondering if I just imagined it..... Its not that it really matters, as it couldn't go anywhere anyway, but I'm more concerned that I could've been that off the mark in reading the signals, kwim? Any thoughts? Why would he seem to run hot and then turn cold so quickly? Confused.....
carhill Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Welcome I'm not really confused. His GF and he had a talk after your last interaction with them. She said some things to him which took the smile off his face. I'd say to remain friendly and professional and just leave things alone for now. People and relationships change. Better to have left a positive impression, IMO.
Author jande23 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 Do you think I somehow overstepped a boundary or something? I don't recall having said anything that could've been misconstrued. We talked about how big their daughter had gotten, but that's about all.....
saraispiel19 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 my question is: why are you so worried about it? if it was harmless flirting (flirting is not harmless everyone knows it leads to emotions and wanting to "follow through" with them)and he stopped then it shouldn't bother you it was afterall harmless. I myself think this is just the tip of the iceburg. Yes, it's true it's nice to get attention from people other than your mate but when someone puts a thread on a website wondering about it is another thing... ho hum just a thought..
Author jande23 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 You're absolutely right. The fact that I'm this concerned about it -whether its confusion over whether I interpreted things correctly, or not - is obviously a sign that I must've crossed some line somehow. So its better to make sure it stops now. Thanks!
Stockalone Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Do you think I somehow overstepped a boundary or something? I don't recall having said anything that could've been misconstrued. We talked about how big their daughter had gotten, but that's about all..... It doesn't have to be something you said the last time you saw them. You mentioned that all of you work for the same company, maybe someone gave her a heads-up about her SO being flirty-friendly with you. She might have picked up on the attraction you both seem to share for each other and decided that this has to stop. She probably gave him a firm talking-to and told him that "harmless flirting" (if there is such a thing) is someting she isn't comfortable with or will not tolerate it and that he should no longer be as flirty-friendly around you.
saraispiel19 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 You're absolutely right. The fact that I'm this concerned about it -whether its confusion over whether I interpreted things correctly, or not - is obviously a sign that I must've crossed some line somehow. So its better to make sure it stops now. Thanks! no problemo i wouldn't want to see another marriage fall down to pieces.
Author jande23 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 I would've never let it come to that! But as you said, if its occupying this much of my thoughts, its not completely harmless, now is it? Thanks for the wake up. Hopefully, I'll be able to stop analyzing each interaction, and let it go.
carhill Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Oh, I forgot about your H. See how easy that is to do I think he'd be a great source of advice and support regarding how to keep your working relationship professional and avoid "harmless flirtation" dynamics (more than one interaction makes for a dynamic IMO). A great test would be for you all to go out together as two couples. I've gone out with my wife's male clients and SO's/W's on occasion and we've had a great time. Actually wish I could do it more
saraispiel19 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 .... I've gone out with my wife's male clients and SO's/W's on occasion and we've had a great time. Actually wish I could do it more oh carhill you are just awful!
carhill Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Oh, that sounded wrong. "My wife and I" went out with them. She's a hair stylist, hence "clients"
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 You're getting an ego feed from this guy and not knowing if he's feeling what you feel is driving you crazy. Either way it doesn't matter because you're married. Reverse the situation, imagine your husband doing this. How would you feel? Wouldn't it bother you that he wanted to know if another woman had the hots for him, found him attractive and wanted to have sex with him? Focus that energy into your husband - Forget the co-worker.
J2FT1 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 my question is: why are you so worried about it? What I thought when I finished reading the OP's post.
Recommended Posts