serratededges Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 So I am going to be 27 years old in august and though I have been dating for almost fourteen years now, I was dumped Monday night. Though I am generally fearful of committment (other than monogomy) I always tell the truth and if I break up with someone I give clear consice reasons. He just says that he "doesn't see long term potential" aka "I don't care about you even though you care about me". We only went out for two months, though he treated me wonderfully. Though he is a good person, I keep feeling anger. Apparantly I have gotten through denial and I am now doing anger and isolationism. I was never clingy, we never fought, had great sex as often as possible, and did the whole meet my family/ friends thing (well he introduced me to his). Then all of a sudden this and i wish he was a jerk, or wanted another girl or something that made sense. I have spent days crying (though I only did for 2 minutes in front of him, immediately accepting it and appearing held together). I feel so sick to my stomach like my air was sucked out. I was so content and he was too from what he said but obviously not. So this is day one of no contact at all, i am doing things for myself, but it hurts so badly. God bless my poor friend's hearts because by the end of the week they will be sick of hearing it. Also, I now realize why so many of my ex-boyfriends either did not want to be friends at all or wanted to be friends after a while. We were complimentary to each other, supportive, passionate, fun, and I just wish I could actually put my finger on what the issue was. Either way I know i can not make him feel something he does not and 99.5% sure it is over completely no matter what. Any tips for handling the pain and rejection of being dumped. Its a first time for me and hopefully but doubtfully the last.
saraispiel19 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 ah your 27 you have a good head on your shoulders you'll be okay, being dumped sucks, so i've been told. I've seen friends go in and out of icky situations and well yours sounds like the guy was perfect and he just got cold feet thats all-- i think he'll come around (one day) and tell you why (i honestly think he's a commitmentphobe since you guys took the "right" steps and he just feld!). hey your still young so have fun out there cry some but just remember if he made you cry he's not worth it :-) good luck to ya keep us posted.
kladia Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 This sounds like the exact same thing that happened to me, only we had been dating for over 2 years instead of two months. I think guys have more trouble articulating their feelings than girls. Females are generally better at explaining WHY they fell out of love, where guys just find they don't feel it anymore and are at a loss to explain why. Hence all the sort of bs it's not you it's me, I just don't see us being long term lines. IT DOES GET BETTER. Keep busy, go out with your friends, start a new hobby, exercise. Have a beach weekend with a good friend. All these things helped me a LOT. You'll be sad, then rebound between angry and sad for a while, but your emotions will on average be less and less strong. I still think about my ex all the time, but not so emotionally as I once did, and I've come to an acceptance about things. Life will go on, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time (and it didn't for me for a long time). I can honestly say I'm happy now though, not in the same way I was when we were together, but not any less...if that makes sense.
SeraBella Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 About 5 years ago my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because all of his friends were getting married and it scared him. Everything about our relationship seemed great, we rarely fought, compatible personalities, we were there for each other, always had fun, our families got along, my parents treated him like a son, his treated me like a daughter, he talked about the future (I avoided bringing up the future because I knew he was a commitment-phobe), etc. I wish I could tell you that it only took a short time for me to get over him completely, but it took a very long time. In a matter of weeks I was able to function again, and in months I was able to function a little more. I think because there was no reason, I couldn't find closure and move on...I wished he would have done something hurtful so I could call him an ******* and be done with it. I started dating just a few months after the breakup, but for me, it was a few years before I was able to date long-term again, but I still think of him, and miss what we had. I'm sure part of missing what we had is that I have yet to meet another man I connect with like that, and I haven't had another relationship that compares. Surround yourself with friends and hobbies you enjoy. Try to keep your mind off of him, and focus on yourself. If you're able to eat, eat all of your favorite foods...go to restaurants he didn't like, go places you went to before you were with him. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy...retail therapy usually helps me.
joejoechen Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Getting over a break up is always the hardest move, especially if you really want to pick yourself up and you've pressure from keeping your friends and all to know it, so they won't worry about you.. I have been through it. Well, I guess you will have to pick up the phone now, make appointments with your friends and family, movies? dinners? If you really want to get back along with him, don't pest him yet, take the time, find out what's in it? I mean, there certainly is something for him to have such a change right? Joe
Author serratededges Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 Well I'm not going to bother him and I am doing no contact. I wish i did know the reason, but with it or without it, its over. I just wish it made some sense. I am off to bed now since I work nights and I hope that day 2 gets better.
ianandris Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 It'll make sense in time. For now, though, just feel whatever it is you need to feel. Be sad, angry, vindictive (don't act on that one, though), desperate, relieved, disappointed, whatever it is that's in your heart. Feel it fully and completely. Don't feel more than you have to, (you can't rush it) but don't choke back your feelings is what I'm saying. If you experience them fully and completely now, it'll be easier to manage them later on, and they won't come back as often. Spend time with other people, too. Hugely important. It's been a little over a week and a half for me, similar situation (first love of my life dumped me after 2 months. Super quick commitment. Made marriage plans, the whole nine, then she decided that she never actually loved me.), but I'd be having a MUCH harder time with things if I didn't have friends around to keep me busy. Don't hide yourself away. Just do things, even when you don't feel like it. The good news is you and I don't have as much time invested into the relationship. Lots of strong feeling, perhaps, but time has an emotional weight of its own that you can't erase. Thankfully, neither of us have to battle that burden. It's still incredibly difficult, but there is that. I know it's hard to see it right now, but it gets better. I'm only 1.5 weeks into it, but there's a world of difference between where I am now and where I was on day 2 and 3. Still working on getting over her, but I'll get there, and you will, too. If you are honest about things, let yourself feel what you need to, spend time with friends, and are patient, you'll be on the other side of this before you know it as a wiser, more careful, more complete person. I've learned things from this experience that I know I wouldn't have been able to learn otherwise. Even though it sucks, and it sucks bad.
claycald Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 in time u will realize his reasons. i was with my first girlfriend for two years, she randomly broke up with me. she cried hard and kept jumping around on excuses. she literally begged me to be her friend. i ended up going NC for 8 months then decieded to get in touch with her. i finally understand everything. so just give it time and u will understand
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