kaykin1975 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 I have read a lot of threads in this forum, and I have gotten a lot of good info from them. But most of them deal with bf/gf. I am wondering if anyone here got divorced and then got a second chance and if so, can you tell me about it. I am in no way minimizing the pain felt when it is a bf/gf situation...I have been there too. Just looking for some advice on second chances after a divorce. Thank you to all who have helped!!
Tony T Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I have read a lot of threads in this forum, and I have gotten a lot of good info from them. But most of them deal with bf/gf. I am wondering if anyone here got divorced and then got a second chance and if so, can you tell me about it. I am in no way minimizing the pain felt when it is a bf/gf situation...I have been there too. Just looking for some advice on second chances after a divorce. Thank you to all who have helped!! If you want advice, give us your specific situation...the circumstances of the divorce; was it nasty?; are either of you seeing others or remarried?; how long have you been divorced?, etc. Otherwise, you post quoted above is far to general to comment on. Thanks!
Author kaykin1975 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 Sorry about being so vague!! Divorce was not nasty at all. We are still good friends and talk/text all the time. We were married for 8 years and have a 5 year old son. I know he feels he can't trust me....he didn't divorce me due to love loss or infidelity...I HAD a gambling problem and lied about money. I have told him many times that I still love him and miss him. He has never reciprocated, but has never once told me to stop either. He is a very kind, loving, gentle man who had just had enough....and looking back I can't blame him. Most people on here think there is a very SLIM chance that we would ever get back together, but I have to believe there is hope. Neither one of us has even attempted to date another. I won't go into detail about why I believe we were meant for each other, but just believe me when I say we have sooo many things about the two of us that are the same that it is kinda weird! I basically wanna hear how other divorcees feel. Thanks!
mark982 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 maybe he'd try to get back w/you if you tried to overcome your gambling problem.
Author kaykin1975 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 Thanks for the response, mark. Actually, I have overcome it....*pat on back* I went to GA while we were separated and still have my 12 step books. I think this is why I can see so clearly now what he went through!!
Ronni_W Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I went to GA while we were separated and still have my 12 step books. I think this is why I can see so clearly now what he went through!! Have you communicated your thoughts about a possible reconciliation to him? Because, really, HE is the only one who knows if he'd ever want another chance and/or under what circumstances he would consider it. Yes, there are instances where people got divorced and remarried, and did manage to make a go of it the second time around. IMO, that would require significant changes to the original, unhealthy aspects of the relationship, though. Have you resolved the roots of your addiction? Have you both eliminated the codependent dynamics? Would you both agree to individual and/or couples' counseling to ensure a stronger future relationship? Stuff like that ought to be addressed, IMO. Best of luck...and congrats on overcoming your addiction
TrustInYourself Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Codependent dynamics. How do you kill those? I must have this knowledge in my brain.
Ronni_W Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Codependent dynamics. How do you kill those? Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) is a good source for detailed info. In a nutshell, it's where one stops taking responsibility for the thoughts, feelings, actions and experiences of other adults. One stops blaming others for own actions, feelings, experiences and thoughts. No more excuses for Self and others. No trying to "fix" what is not ours to fix. Basically, self-responsibility and appropriate emotional boundaries. Best of luck.
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