lovesparis Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 it's been 10 months since my ex and i split up... it's been almost 6mo since i last contacted him (and not about "us") i still love him though. even though he's living 8 hours away now, everytime i see a car like his i check out the driver, wondering if he's in town. sometimes i imagine him driving all the way back here to give me a 2nd chance. sometimes i imagine myself telling him no. i still think of him pretty much daily. i still think someday we'll get back together. like carrie and big. he has to do his own thing, work though his ****, and one day he'll realize... and come for me. i hate saying it, but i think i've done a lot of growing since the break up. and i think that's been good for me. i just wish i could have done the growing WITH him. i wish i could have realized i needed to grow. at the same time i feel so silly, and so pathetic, and so juvenile for still being in love with a man almost a year after he left. except that we can't control who we fall in love with.
kizik Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Maybe we can't control who we fall for, but we CAN take active steps towards getting over them once it's over. Accept it, meet others, don't dwell on old memories. What's done is done, and all the wistfulness in the world won't change it.
orangehose Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 As I recall, you posted a while back about still having these feelings for the ex even though you've been dating another guy for a while now. I have a friend who didn't get over guy #1 for the entire 2.5 years that she was dating her guy #2. Finally she broke up with guy #2, and met a guy #3 that instantly got her over guy #1. Perhaps the one that you're with now is nice, but doesn't really captivate you, and you need fresh blood entirely?
Author lovesparis Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 tell me about it. i spent 6months cleaning my house, going out with as many friends as i could, prepping for the wedding i was going to be in; having bridal showers and bachelorette parties, going to other friends baby showers, re-tiling my bathroom, reading it's called a breakup because it's broken, doing situps--i lost 20lbs. i tried dating about 2mo after the breakup-- i wasn't anywhere close to ready. in feb i decided enough time had passed. i was looking fwd to meeting someone new. i met a great guy, we've been together since then. but none of that has stopped me from thinking about him.
Author lovesparis Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 orangehose, yep that was me. i go through spurts that are really difficult for me to handle, and that's when i post here. i don't know if another guy would really be good--- current bf and i have tons in common (in all honesty probably more in common than ex-- ex and i had similar lifestyle goals, where bf and i have more common interests) i guess we'll see what happens though. if bf and i are together for some time with nothing changing in my feelings, i'll have to end the relationship. i just hope something changes. i've made progress in the time since we've broken up-- i can date someone else and i would not consider leaving BF for ex. and i can say (honestly) that BF does make me happy, and that i love him. it's just not to the same degree as ex.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 You can think the ex was great. You can think that it shouldn't have ended... but you have to accept that he is not coming back. When you find yourself daydreaming stop yourself as fast as you can! Think about something else and don't let it get hold of you. Once you've done that you will be able to feel fully for someone else. Don't go into a new romantic relationship unless you see it as being better than the last one. If you are always improving so should your intimate relationships. You haven't accepted it and it is holding you back. Also, you are not being fair to your b/f. He deserves someone who thinks he is the best man for her. He deserves to be loved wholly, be that woman or set him free. He doesn't need your pity - he needs love and honest companionship just like everyone else. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it is true. If you won't accept it for yourself do it for your bf or the guy you haven't met who is out there waiting for you to get your head together. Feel better... by now you should know that you deserve love too.
Author lovesparis Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 you're right charlotte... i think i'll end things with him tonight. he does deserve more
Author lovesparis Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 i told him what's been going on, he said he knows. he said he knows i still love my ex. he didn't want to break up though. he said he loves me, and he's noticed progress in my getting over ex since we've been together. he also said that b/c i was honest in the beginning by telling him i had unresolved feelings for ex that he was perfectly ok with us staying together while i worked through it.
sultry33 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 i told him what's been going on, he said he knows. he said he knows i still love my ex. he didn't want to break up though. he said he loves me, and he's noticed progress in my getting over ex since we've been together. he also said that b/c i was honest in the beginning by telling him i had unresolved feelings for ex that he was perfectly ok with us staying together while i worked through it. i was here... he sounds like a great guy, but i was with someone for 7yrs.. 2 children and no real love.. was always still in love with my 1st love.. i too told him and he was ok.. loved me anyway.. but i needed to feel love. totally broke him. hated to do it but i couldnt just live like that.. i needed more. i was in love with my 1st for probably 10yrs! then i met my ex.. spent nearly 4 great years with him and i felt loved.. loved him too... unconditionally... still do. saw my 1st love and no feelings there now... what a waste of 10years.. please do what is right for you... you only get one life x
orangehose Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 hey lovesparis, I was in your current BF's place - was dating a guy who was still in love with his ex GF but wanted to stay with me and see if he got over things more with time. Well, let me tell you it was REALLY hard for me to not have his whole heart, and eventually I ended it for that reason and others. Your current BF sounds extremely nice and understanding, but well, it is probably hard for him too. I still think if you don't get over things over time, you should seek fresh blood. In the long run, it'll promote your happiness and his.
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