Extremely shy and awkward at work.. but not a shy person in general

[dvsxx6]

Hi everyone,

I'm having this huge problem with my shyness at work, and I feel that it's interfering with my self esteem [whatevers left of it anyway, cause at this point, I've lost a lot of dignity and respect from being shy]. I just started a job 3 days ago, on Tuesday and this is only a temp job which I will be working til next Friday. The problem is that I'm not used to talking to people who are college educated [i myself am in college, doing well in school, etc] but for some reason, I always feel inferior to those who are at the post college level or are professionals. I am constantly telling myself negative things at work, and I always tell myself to jump out of that thinking and that it is EXTREMELY irrational. [i know this, but sometimes I am just so caught up into it and have so many thoughts at once, I get very overwhelmed]. My daily tasks at work are very EASY yet at the same time it can be tremendously mundane and tedious, which gives me more than enough time [8 hours to be exact] to bash myself and tear myself to pieces. This is affecting my performance at work and this also shows people that maybe I'm incompetent and insecure/uptight, which I KNOW that I'm not.

 

There is a really handsome and very successful guy at work, who always tries to talk to me, and whenever I respond, I am very timid and shy. I sometimes don't even answer him [well not only cause I find him gorgeous to look at but because I'm pretty damn nervous]. I know that he notices me and one of my biggest fears is that by the time I work up the courage to talk to him [i usually answer him and not really ask him questions], he' won't be interested already. I already have a feeling he isn't as interested as he probably thought he would have been. There is another guy who always talks to me, and he likes to do things for me, and he's really sweet. I feel bad cause he'd always talk to me to keep me company but I'd never really ask him many questions. I'd just ask him how he's doin or how work is going. I'm just so sad cause I know how cool these people are at work and I know that they all want to get to know me but I don't believe in myself at all. I know that I'm missing out and a lot of the times, I have missed out on opportunities cause I hesitated, which brings upon even more self hate. I am suffering everyday, every minute of each day with negative thoughts such as "I'm not good enough" "They probably just think I'm a pretty face w/ no brain" [which I know deep down I'm more than that but I present myself as someone who isn't articulate cause I'm so nervous], and the list goes on. When my negative thoughts come, I try to nip it in the bud, but that doesn't always work. I need to supplement those thoughts w/ more positive thoughts. I am just so afraid and so sad and now I don't even feel comfortable talking to my close friends or anyone just cause I'm so embarrassed and self conscious. Please, anyone with any suggestions or comments can you please help me? I'm trying hard not to feel sorry for myself but I don't know what to do. I just wish I could shut off my negative feelings towards myself and life. :-( Sometimes I don't even want to exist.

 

I appear very smiley and cordial at work, but deep down I am hurting so bad. I want to make more friends, positive influences for once, and those who I know that will bring the best out of me and so that I can be there for them. I just don't feel worthy. My sister is encouraging me to take an acting class, but I want to know what I can do to help my situation in the mean time. Please help me. Thank you.

[AllSmiles1011]

I think that everyone is self-conscious at least once in their life. You just need to try to remember that you're amazing. Everyone is special and fantastic in their own way. No one is better than you, no matter how they may appear from the outside. It's good that you put on a happy face at work and are polite, but sometimes that's not always the best way to face insecurity. I used to have trouble meeting new people and getting to know others. But then I met my best friend. She's very outspoken and puts herself out there, as she is, for everyone to see. She has no trouble telling people how she feels or inquiring about things she wants to know. I've done my best to try and be more like her. I think an acting class sounds like a great idea. That way, you get a chance to be someone else. You get to act like whoever you want, without fear of being rejected or looked down on, because it's not you, it's the character you're portraying. You might want to try doing that the next time you go out. Imagine that you're someone else. Someone that you know and admire. Try to emulate how they act when faced with meeting new people. That way you'll be able to try out new ways of getting to know people. You'll be playing the role of someone else, but deep down inside, you'll know that it's you. And try to remember that if someone doesn't respond to you, it's their problem and not yours. You can't change who you are fundamentally and you can't change how you feel about certain things. I don't mean to say the other person is wrong, but you have different ways of expressing yourself and how you feel. It's important to believe in yourself. If you weren't a bright, intelligent person, you wouldn't be doing well in school. And you wouldn't be able to juggle a job and school. You should be proud of who you are and the accomplishments you have. No matter what title someone has or how professional they are, they're still just a person.

[dvsxx6]

AllSmiles: Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It's all about having that control over my emotions, and not letting the negative ones destroy my self esteem. And you're definitely right about emulating your outspoken friend. That's a great way to inspire yourself to be more of the way you would want to be.

 

I used to think of myself as a different person and that helped a lot. I should try that again. Although I may be portraying someone else, at the same time, who that person is, is in sync with my ideal personality or ideal self. Take Britney Spear's OLD bubbly self [not the way she is now]. I used to be like her and I felt happy and confident. I should give it another try cause there are times when I don't feel reliant on myself to stand on my own. Whatever works I suppose, and as long as I'm not overdoing it and having a hugely distorted self image or outlook on life, I'll be fine

 

Take care and thanks again for your help :-)