strongertoday Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Things are going wonderfully with my guy, planning on moving in together in October. But the other night he said he didnt think we would be a long term thing because....(cant believe this) ....I cant sing... We have talked alot in the past about long term, moving in, travel together, babies, marraige.... he has known I cant sing all along. Now granted this was a 3am discussion, after a few drinks (not drunk) and he left soon after and I havnt had a chance to find out what the heck he means. I might be panicing over nothing. Do you think its just cold feet or could a guy really be *that* shallow?? Or is he using the singing thing as a more suitable reason than some mystical real reason he is hideing?? Thanks for any and all thoughts... Cheers
endlesstrains Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 I don't quite get this. Of course I can't hear his tone of voice or anything but it sounds to me like he must have been joking. Unless he is a professional musician or something and wants to date a girl who can sing with him... why on earth would it matter? It's not even a matter of being shallow, it's just completely irrational.
Author strongertoday Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 He had visions of spending his life with the perfect woman and she could sing.....He regualrly tells me how I fit his idea of the perfect woman (was rather flattering up til now)....I didnt get alot more out of him well cause I was flabbergasted... I did do the whole, "well you are colourblind and I want to look at sunsets but I wont write this off over that"...he said that made sense but..... ugh. He isnt a singer but is passionate about music and will sing and record himself playing guitar and mix stuff..... So I said fine I will get lessons, he said no that doesnt work. I am far too new to this realtionship stuff....lol
endlesstrains Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 He is being pretty naive if he thinks there is any such thing as "the perfect woman." No one will ever, ever be the absolutely perfect person that he wants, that's just how life works, no one will ever exactly fit our every want and desire in a mate. If he is seriously calling it off because you can't sing, even though you supposedly fit all his other criteria... then you are better off without him anyway...
imbewildered Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Ha ha ! That is good. In fact it is priceless. At least this is a break from all the dreary stuff about your B/f s who said " Doo wah diddy ..doo wop ,doo wop " .. Does this mean he stiil loves me ?,
Enema Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Him: "We can't be a long term thing because you can't sing" You: "Phew! I didn't want to say it, but I'm holding out for a bigger penis!". 1
imbewildered Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 If he is seriously calling it off because you can't sing, even though you supposedly fit all his other criteria... then you are better off without him anyway... Give him a break He did not say that he wants to break up - he just does not want to sign on forever with the OP. Kind of bizarre when I think about it.
carhill Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Well, at least it's not because you can't play fiddle (paging Sedgewick) Seriously, what a dolt. Tell him I said so.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Are you trying out for American Idol? Unless he's Simon Cowell, that sort of an excuse is absolutely weird and stupid. Dump him.
the_blur Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Thanks for any and all thoughts... Cheers It's either an obvious joke, or the guy is a *total* dip****. Tell him you can't be with a man who can't do a 360 degree dunk. Good lord!
Author strongertoday Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 yeah I never said it was a deep philosophical question How can he not want to talk long term but talk marraige tho?? He knows Im not looking for a few months relationship but long term...so if he doesnt back pedal fast I am out. cant sing - can cook
carhill Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 :two thumbs up: on the "can cook". Singing is optional He's talking nonsense. Watch his actions.
CaliGuy Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 If he's that shallow about not being able to sing, what else is he holding back that he doesn't like? And the talk about a "perfect woman?" Is he even living on this planet? I agree, dump him!
Ruby Slippers Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Him: "We can't be a long term thing because you can't sing" You: "Phew! I didn't want to say it, but I'm holding out for a bigger penis!". (lot of funny responses here) Unless he was joking, yeah, he sounds like a jerk.
Balthazar Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 He was just joking around with you(if he wasn't then get the hell out of Dodge!).
Lauriebell82 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 I think it's an excuse to hide the real reason he doesn't want to marry you. That is the lamest excuse in the whole world and I would tell him to go to hell if I were you. You should tell him you don't want to marry him because he is a terrible dancer..see what he says to that!!! He sounds very controlling as well..you even offered to take singing lessons and he said no. That is rediculous and irrational. Run for the hills.
thehappycynic Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Do you really want to move in with a guy who says you two won't be a "long-term" thing? Sounds like he has cold feet about moving in together. How long have you two been dating?
Trialbyfire Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Things are going wonderfully with my guy, planning on moving in together in October. But the other night he said he didnt think we would be a long term thing because....(cant believe this) ....I cant sing... Don't move in together if a long-term relationship is what you want. If you're okay with something short-term, then go for it. Your b/f has in effect, created an easy exit when he tires of playing house. A committed man wouldn't pull this. He'd be too afraid to lose you. Edit - Just saw thehappycynic's post. Apparently we had the same thoughts!
Cov Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 What was his tone like when he said this? Tone is often more important when making a distinction than the words he uttered. He could be joking or he could be serious (if he is being serious, then he is a grade A tool). It's funny how the women on this forum, sharpen their knives.
havoc Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 I agree with the above... Do not move in with him if he has already said he doesn't see anything with you long-term. You are going to set yourself up for major heartbreak. I have no idea why he'd single out singing... My boyfriend is a musician, plays many instruments, does mixes, etc etc -- I would drop him in half of a second if he said he couldn't be with me long-term because I can't sing, or play an instrument, or any other thing that is minor in the big Relationship scheme of things. I think your boyfriend wants an "out" and possibly said the first thing that came to mind because, frankly, that's ridiculous. "You're perfect but you can't sing!" Please! And if you actually take voice lessons for this man? No no no -- get lessons in self-respect first, then take voice lessons for your own enrichment. 1
D-Jam Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 I think he's afraid of commitment, and the singing thing is a flimsy excuse. My best friend was seeing a woman for several months, then all of a sudden he broke things off, claiming he couldn't handle her cats because of allergies. Um..hello? Several months and NOW they affect you? The reality is that he was afraid of commitment and he just wanted to have fun. I gave him hell for what he did because he basically lead that woman on. Told him I'd kick his arse if he did it again and that I wouldn't be friends with guys who are playas or douchebags.
MalachiX Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 First of all, find out if it was a joke or not because you could be making a big deal out of nothing. If it was serious, dump his ass. I mean, to some extent I get the basic idea of not wanting to be with someone who's interests are too different than yours. My life centers around movies and making them and it was hard for me that my EX had very little interest in movies. That was always something that got to me. I'm not saying that she had to be in the industry, I just wished it had been easier to share that part of myself with her (or if she was more into music, literature, or some form of the arts). I think that's a fair thing to worry about in a long term relationship. That said, there's no reason why you can't be appreciative of his passion for music and share in it even though you can't sing. If he's that narrow in his views on a mate then you're better off without him.
Jilly Bean Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Are you sure he wasn't joking? If he was serious, then he was just giving you his out from the get-go, as he sees no long-term potential with you for OTHER reasons. Either way, still a rather dickish move...
johan Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Are you sure he wasn't joking? If he was serious, then he was just giving you his out from the get-go, as he sees no long-term potential with you for OTHER reasons. Either way, still a rather dickish move... Dickish moves are sort of a trademark for me. I just never really had that term to describe it. Now I can explain myself. I should have little cards made up.
mixwell Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 He was just joking around with you(if he wasn't then get the hell out of Dodge!). Totally agree. It sounds like something I would say as a joke but if this guy is serious then you REEEALLLLY don't want to move in with him anyways.
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