ShadowU12345 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Hello, I just want to say that I feel like crap and I feel like the worst boyfriend in the world. For the last 2 months I've been going out with this girl who is perfect for me. We like to do all the same things, we think alike, and sometimes its even scary because we will think of the same exact thing at the same exact time. It's perfect. I love her so much and my only fear is losing her. Over the 2 months we've been going out, we have fallen in love with each other, and a few weeks after we first started going out, she was upset with me because I told her that I was smoking pot. Well, eventually I was caught up in the act of it again, but the main reason she was upset was because I didn't tell her about it. The last few times I've done it, I've told her about it, and though she said she was happy for me telling her, I still feel like she didn't like me doing it. I've already quit for my own sake, but besides that, I felt like I've lost her trust the first few times we've gotten into situations like that, and I slowly feel like I've lost her respect. She's crazy about me and I know that for a fact, but I feel like I'm not her knight and shining armor anymore. I don't know if I'm just letting this all get to my head or what. Just yesterday, I was talking to her on the phone, and I was in a situation with some illegal activity(pot) to where the people I was around kept telling me to get off of the phone, and I couldn't just let her go, and then she started wondering what was going on, and I couldn't tell her and so she hung up on me for the first time ever. I was shot and my body started to stiffen, I couldn't talk, I felt so bad. And then later that night I made her worry because I was asleep and she kept calling me and I didn't answer because I was completely passed out, and when I finally did wake up after the 4th or 5th time she called, she sounded really sad. She wasn't really saying much, and she kept asking if she needed me to go back to sleep, because she was really wanting to talk to me, I didn't know what to do. And I finally just talked to her again just a few minutes before writing this and I got on the phone with her, and I was just speechless, I felt almost like I didn't deserve to talk to her anymore, and since I wasn't talking, and well she wasn't saying much either because she was talking mainly to the people in the background of the phone, and so she just hung up on me. I don't know whats going on, I feel like she doesn't like me anymore, and on top of that, I haven't seen her in a few weeks and the one time I'm able to see her, she basically said she was going to blow me off to go see one of her friends that she sees, well not exactly all the time, but more than she sees me. And the day I was going to get to see her, was the time we were going to use to call it our Anniversary day, and I've already got her a gift and everything, and she didn't want to seem to see me as bad as I hoped, and now that all that happened yesterday, I really don't feel like shes going to want to come over as badly anymore. I feel like everythings gone all down hill, I feel like I don't deserve her anymore, like I blew my chance with her, and I know that she doesn't want to break up or anything, because she really loves me and would stay with me through everything, but I still feel like I screwed up. What should I do?
endlesstrains Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 How old are you guys? Two months seems like a pretty short time for such intense feelings and that level of commitment. I don't want to sound like a downer but she doesn't seem that into you. You've been dating 2 months, and haven't seen each other in a "few weeks"... that is a large percentage of the time you've been dating... at this stage I think not seeing her for weeks, and then her blowing you off on the one chance you have to see her, means that she doesn't really want to continue...
mental_traveller Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Ok I'm going to ignore this specific dilemma because there's a bigger issue to address here. You should never change to make a woman happy. She can prompt it, that's ok, but you should change only because you really *want* to, for yourself. If you change at someone else's beck and call, then you end up at someone else's back and call, like a puppet on a string. Not only do you lose your autonomy, but you usually lose their respect for you too. And you will resent them eventually for doing this to you. So here, you should give up the weed because/if YOU want to, not because you are scared of losing her. If you genuinely want to give it up, then meeting this girl may be the perfect kick up the ass to stimulate you into quitting. But if you still want to smoke, then I think it would be a bad move to quit just for her. Quitting weed is a good thing for you anyway - health and legal reasons, amongst others - but it's a personal decision. Make the decision one way or the other, stick to it, then tell your girlfriend the result and let her decide how to handle it.
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