emerald72 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Hi all. Firstly, I am new here so hi to all! I was hoping I could get some opinions on a situation I find myself in. My husband had an affair two years ago, which let to me falling apart, our kids took it bad (the split, thought they didnt know why we split up) and it took me a long time to feel ok again. Eventually I decided to take him back, explaining how much he hurt us, and that I couldn't cope with him having any contact with her. This seemed ok, he seemed to hate her, as a lot of 'psycho' things had happened from her. Anyway, Christmas 2007 I discovered they were chatting online in a forum and quite pally, i asked him was he talking to her and he said no. I didn't say then i knew he was. I gave it a few more weeks and found out this was still going on and that they were sharing little intimate 'in jokes' with each other on the site. Really hurt me, and i felt like i was spiralling back to 2006 and all the feelings that were there when i knew he was cheating. Anyway, turns out he now chats to her often, though she is with someone else, even though i have asked him not to and that i cant cope with it. He said last week now she is with someone else i cant hold a grudge forever!!!! WTF!!! LOL. There is nothing i want more to move on with my life, and with our marriage, but this is eating me up. Is it beyond reason to expect him not to talk with her? Is it so silly of me to let it annoy me? He believes he isnt doing anything wrong..... I see it another way. Anyway, I'm not great at having the courage to confront him, but I've come to the point where I really can't cope anymore with this and it's starting to really affect me. So my question to you all is.... am i being unreasonable and should just trust him? Or somehow build up the courage to say if he doesn't stop, i dont know where our marriage is going? A million other complications are also involved, which i dont want to bore you all with, but this is just the icing on the cake!!! A divorce cake?
carhill Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 What would happen if you left tomorrow with your kids and filed for divorce?? Considering the circumstances, at the very least, I'd get some advice from a solicitor about your options. Perhaps leaving is the completely wrong thing to do, I don't know. In any event, the status quo cannot continue; that is what I'm hearing from you.
Author emerald72 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 when we split in 2006 i just left our home, took the girls with me and rented a house, by using my savings. As we thought we were going to divorce, we sold the house etc, but got back together before it was finalised. (takes 2 yrs here). If i said that i had enough and wasnt prepared to endure this anymore and he said that he wasnt going to stop talking with her, i really feel that i would not want to disrupt the kids again so soon, as we have bought another home, and they are settling well. The other is that he has other children from first marriage who come at weekends, and stay with us. He lives away from home for work reasons and comes hoome once a fortnight, for the weekend. I guess if it all goes pear shaped I could move in to my sisters apt with her and the girls, but I think I will take some advice legally. ahhhhh!!! i cant believe i am here again!
carhill Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Well, no matter, please know that you can look to us for support. We have a surprising number of members from the UK who can both help you with logistics as well as provide support. Considering the circumstances, even if you do divorce, that doesn't mean at some future time you might not reconcile. It sounds like you need to see real actions, not just a smattering of empty words. I'll assume you have to start the 2 year clock all over now. Your solicitor should have more info. {{{Hugs}}}
critter909 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Him talking to this woman is unacceptable. Stand your ground. He is still cheating, even if it's not physically. I think you need to let him know in no uncertain terms that you will not put up with it and maybe try going to counseling. He needs to show you some effort.
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