I really want to make contact

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

I was doing so well, but for the past few days I feel the desperate urge to reach out to him. The thought of never speaking to him, never knowing if he's ok, never knowing if we could be friends is driving me crazy.

 

He sent me a pointless message nearly two weeks ago, and there's been nothing since. I replyed to it, played it cool, maybe too cool (?), now i'm wondering if he'll ever get back in touch. I just made comments on what he said, I didn't ask anything of him?

 

I don't even know what to say/do, but I feel like I need to do something. I just wonder all the time if he is thinking I don't want him to contact me. If I get in touch and get ignored, then at least I know i'll never hear from him again and can stop wondering? I know there won't be a second chance now. I'm not trying to find a way into his life, it just feels horrible to lose your boyfriend and best friend and never speak again. I'm not coping well with having him severed from my life. I have forgiven him, I have no expectations, but I hate feeling like maybe he is feeling weird about this too but doesn't know if he should speak to me after the way he treated me. I know he wouldn't want to give me the wrong idea again?

 

He left me, is it weird if I offer friendship? Anyone made casual contact with an ex is a similar situation. Is it best to just ask, can we be friends, or send a text asking how they are and see what you get back? I worry if I don't explicity say why i'm contacting him, he might think I want more than friendship? I want to say something that makes it clear I have accepted the break up, but want to start a new relationship with him as a friend. I don't want him reading between the lines like I do with any message he sends me.

 

We were together 3 years, we broke up early April, no contact at all until early June when there were 3 texts and 2 emails saying nothing much. Nothing at all since.

 

I was in a relationship with him for a reason, and although it didn't work out, I feel like it's worth trying to salvage something, but I don't know how. He's not making any moves, so I feel like I need to.

[swes9321]

hi! omg ur situation sounds exactly like mine! i want to call him, message him, drive over to his house let myself and get into his bed and just cuddle him

 

but he dumped me. just like ur bf dumped you, so i think we need to give it time. i have given myself another 2 months before i initiate the friendship thing. first of all i want him to realise what he has lost (probably wont happen) but also to give myself time to heal, so maybe in 2 months i will just want to be friends, not like now when i still want him back..

 

so mate i really think u shouldn't contact him. last weekend i contacted my ex, he saw me, we kissed, he told me he loved me, he also said he still didnt want to go out with me. i wish i had never contacted him

 

i think we want to contact them to see if they're suffering like us but i honestly dont think they are so if u keep that angry thought in mind you should be able to stay away for a while... anyway let me know how you go! feel free to vent on here when u feel like contacting him. hell thats what im doing now, trying to keep busy

 

xxx

[littledream]

Its been 16 days since NC and I am currently fighting the urge to contact him! I've been dumped by my ex because, basically, he didn't feel the same way I did (OUCH!).

 

I miss him terribly and would really like to find out what he's doing and how he is BUT my motives aren't just to check up on him. It's also to find out if he's missing me as well...

 

That's why I don't contact him. Cuz my intentions aren't JUST to find out how he is or to be JUST friends (since I am still madly in love with him). I think, to avoid putting yourself into another vunerable situation, and to avoid being strung along, I'd keep NC for a while until you get control of your emotions.

 

Put it this way, say you did initiate contact, what is the reaction that you'd expect from him? How would you feel if you didn't get the reaction you wanted/expected? Would you still be disappointed?

 

If you're ok and can handle the possibility of rejection and/or disappointment then go for it. If not (like me ) I'd stay away until you can.

 

Best of luck!

[sunshinegirl]

He sent me a pointless message nearly two weeks ago, and there's been nothing since. I replyed to it, played it cool, maybe too cool (?), now i'm wondering if he'll ever get back in touch. I just made comments on what he said, I didn't ask anything of him?

 

I don't even know what to say/do, but I feel like I need to do something. I just wonder all the time if he is thinking I don't want him to contact me. If I get in touch and get ignored, then at least I know i'll never hear from him again and can stop wondering?

 

Sweetie, I know how much this sucks. I hate that my ex is becoming a stranger and we may never see or talk to each other again, let alone be friends. It is so, so hard.

 

But just look at the bolded parts above: hard as it is to accept, Phoenix, he already IS ignoring you. It's like you want to go back and touch the hot stove again just to make sure it's still hot.

 

For what it's worth, about 3 months after my bad breakup in 2005, I couldn't stand the lack of contact and I reached out to my ex. I thought I only wanted friendship but of course at some deeper level I was hoping he'd say he missed me and that he had merely been waiting for me to extend the olive branch. Well, he DID respond to my friendly email right away - his email was very chatty, but it was also completely devoid of any "I miss you" or "let's get together, I really want to see you" or "I made a mistake" sentiments.

 

Basically we never did find a way back to friendship. I had to shut down contact again because I couldn't handle just being a friend, and potentially hearing about him dating other women.

[northstar1]

Sweetie, I know how much this sucks. I hate that my ex is becoming a stranger and we may never see or talk to each other again, let alone be friends. It is so, so hard.

 

But just look at the bolded parts above: hard as it is to accept, Phoenix, he already IS ignoring you. It's like you want to go back and touch the hot stove again just to make sure it's still hot.

 

For what it's worth, about 3 months after my bad breakup in 2005, I couldn't stand the lack of contact and I reached out to my ex. I thought I only wanted friendship but of course at some deeper level I was hoping he'd say he missed me and that he had merely been waiting for me to extend the olive branch. Well, he DID respond to my friendly email right away - his email was very chatty, but it was also completely devoid of any "I miss you" or "let's get together, I really want to see you" or "I made a mistake" sentiments.

 

Basically we never did find a way back to friendship. I had to shut down contact again because I couldn't handle just being a friend, and potentially hearing about him dating other women.

 

That's exactly where I am at. As much as I want to still have SOME contact - I know it is with the small hope that she will have had some epiphany that she wants to come back to me. I don't want to set myself up for that disappointment.

[kizik]

I agree with everyone here. Contact breeds hope - at least until you find someone new or enough time has lapsed that you truly no longer want them back.

 

Also, Phoenix, you were the last one to contact - you replied to him. I think "playing it cool" as you say was a good thing - it's when we let our emotions come into play, i.e., "I miss you," etc., that we really put ourselves at risk.

 

You did the right thing. You're doing great (though I know it doesn't feel that way!). For now, you need to focus on staying busy and reconnecting with friends. Soon enough, your desire to contact will diminish.

[northstar1]

I agree with everyone here. Contact breeds hope - at least until you find someone new or enough time has lapsed that you truly no longer want them back.

 

Also, Phoenix, you were the last one to contact - you replied to him. I think "playing it cool" as you say was a good thing - it's when we let our emotions come into play, i.e., "I miss you," etc., that we really put ourselves at risk.

 

You did the right thing. You're doing great (though I know it doesn't feel that way!). For now, you need to focus on staying busy and reconnecting with friends. Soon enough, your desire to contact will diminish.

 

You said it. I am having a horrible day. I am a bit hungover, which always makes me feel more nostalgic and sad.

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

So I haven't contacted him. I am feeling very emotional this week in general, so maybe I'm not thinking things through properly. I already know he is dating someone, I've even met her so i have a great mental picture of them together. I know there is no second chance. I just miss him, as a person. I hate that he is deleted himself from my life.

 

I'll see how I feel next week.

 

Thanks guys

[northstar1]

So I haven't contacted him. I am feeling very emotional this week in general, so maybe I'm not thinking things through properly. I already know he is dating someone, I've even met her so i have a great mental picture of them together. I know there is no second chance. I just miss him, as a person. I hate that he is deleted himself from my life.

 

I'll see how I feel next week.

 

Thanks guys

 

If he is dating someone else, better to have NO contact. You don't want to put yourself through that. I know it's hard as hell, but you have to look out for yourself now.

 

Maybe one day, you can have him as someone in your life, but for now, no.

[serendip]

So I haven't contacted him. I am feeling very emotional this week in general, so maybe I'm not thinking things through properly. I already know he is dating someone, I've even met her so i have a great mental picture of them together. I know there is no second chance. I just miss him, as a person. I hate that he is deleted himself from my life.

 

I'll see how I feel next week.

 

Thanks guys

 

How is contacting him gonna HELP YOU?

 

He's not coming back...he's not gonna dump his girlfriend for you

 

It will only make you feel worse

[Meaplus3]

I was doing so well, but for the past few days I feel the desperate urge to reach out to him. The thought of never speaking to him, never knowing if he's ok, never knowing if we could be friends is driving me crazy.

 

He sent me a pointless message nearly two weeks ago, and there's been nothing since. I replyed to it, played it cool, maybe too cool (?), now i'm wondering if he'll ever get back in touch. I just made comments on what he said, I didn't ask anything of him?

 

I don't even know what to say/do, but I feel like I need to do something. I just wonder all the time if he is thinking I don't want him to contact me. If I get in touch and get ignored, then at least I know i'll never hear from him again and can stop wondering? I know there won't be a second chance now. I'm not trying to find a way into his life, it just feels horrible to lose your boyfriend and best friend and never speak again. I'm not coping well with having him severed from my life. I have forgiven him, I have no expectations, but I hate feeling like maybe he is feeling weird about this too but doesn't know if he should speak to me after the way he treated me. I know he wouldn't want to give me the wrong idea again?

 

He left me, is it weird if I offer friendship? Anyone made casual contact with an ex is a similar situation. Is it best to just ask, can we be friends, or send a text asking how they are and see what you get back? I worry if I don't explicity say why i'm contacting him, he might think I want more than friendship? I want to say something that makes it clear I have accepted the break up, but want to start a new relationship with him as a friend. I don't want him reading between the lines like I do with any message he sends me.

 

We were together 3 years, we broke up early April, no contact at all until early June when there were 3 texts and 2 emails saying nothing much. Nothing at all since.

 

I was in a relationship with him for a reason, and although it didn't work out, I feel like it's worth trying to salvage something, but I don't know how. He's not making any moves, so I feel like I need to.

 

I was doing so well, but for the past few days I feel the desperate urge to reach out to him. The thought of never speaking to him, never knowing if he's ok, never knowing if we could be friends is driving me crazy.

This is the worst part however, it will pass with time and strict NC. Don't give in your doing so well. You can do it! Hang in there.

 

AP:)

[critter909]

If he is dating someone else you really shouldn't contact him. What's the best scenario, you want to be "the other woman"? You will hurt yourself by finding out details of his life, you are better off not knowing anything about him.

[v33]

If he is dating someone else you really shouldn't contact him. What's the best scenario, you want to be "the other woman"? You will hurt yourself by finding out details of his life, you are better off not knowing anything about him.

 

This is true. Really you can't expect a warm welcome if your ex is involved with someone new. And especially since they will be in the "honeymoon" phase. Maybe someday you can make contact, but by then you likely won't care to.

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

I know you're all right. I just seem to want to do something that's completely the most illogical thing to do. I suppose I just need reassurance that if he did want to be friends, he'd feel able to contact me. I suppose I don't really need to spell that out?

 

He is a special person, despite the pain he has caused me, I know he had such a positive impact on my life and i'd hate to lose touch completely.

 

I know this new girl won't last, but all i'm talking about is a friendship. He's friends with all his other exes, why not me? It feels counter-intuitive to just do nothing. We've been NC for 2.5 months now, feels like a lifetime. The first month, I was hoping he would miss me and come back (I played the NC game). The rest of the time has been for me to start seeing him a friend, not a lover. It's getting easier and I no longer see it as a way to get him back in my life. If anything, I see it as an obstacle.

 

I won't contact him. I've had a tough week and I'm feeling down. Not the best time to make contact. I will post into the ex's thread instead.

 

i'm gald you're all here. Who knows what I would have sent him yesterday. Sometimes you just can't tell the people in your life how you really feel about your ex.

[roghornio]

I know you're all right. I just seem to want to do something that's completely the most illogical thing to do. I suppose I just need reassurance that if he did want to be friends, he'd feel able to contact me. I suppose I don't really need to spell that out?

 

He is a special person, despite the pain he has caused me, I know he had such a positive impact on my life and i'd hate to lose touch completely.

 

I know this new girl won't last, but all i'm talking about is a friendship. He's friends with all his other exes, why not me? It feels counter-intuitive to just do nothing. We've been NC for 2.5 months now, feels like a lifetime. The first month, I was hoping he would miss me and come back (I played the NC game). The rest of the time has been for me to start seeing him a friend, not a lover. It's getting easier and I no longer see it as a way to get him back in my life. If anything, I see it as an obstacle.

 

I won't contact him. I've had a tough week and I'm feeling down. Not the best time to make contact. I will post into the ex's thread instead.

 

i'm gald you're all here. Who knows what I would have sent him yesterday. Sometimes you just can't tell the people in your life how you really feel about your ex.

 

He’s with someone else, best thing to do is not get in the way - let hm get on with it. Vanish for 6 months, and if you want to be friends then – get in touch with something simple. 2.5 months is nothing in the grand scale of things.