SarahT111 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Hey everyone. You probably know my story as im sure ive posted it before but im just feeling so down tonight and need some encouragement I guess. So like everyone else on the fourm Im suffering from a broken heart A heart that broke REALLY badly 6 months ago when my ex left me for someone else after 3 years I was all but destoryed as you may remember from earlier posts. Anyway through my pain along comes another man about 3 months later. He pretty much saved my life. He was great to start with and took me out and was really into me. I fell for him reeeally badly! Then he started to get wierd. One day he would like me, then next day he wouldn't. He txtd me one day and said sorry but he just wanted to be friends and that he liked me but not enough to go out with me. I understood and tired to let it go, however he would still take me out and be all over me. He didn't act like we were friends at all. Some days he would bombard me with friendly txts then other days he would ignore me and be quite rude. Everytime he asked me somewhere I would turn up and he would be all over me and not let me go all night long. He only had eyes for me and would be at my side all night with arms around me. However he hardly ever turned up when I invited him places. I guess I didn't know what to do so I just went along with it. I really fell for this guy and would go crazy everytime he even looked at me. But his strange behaviour countinued with him being really loving and friendly for a few days then ignoring me for the next few days. This has been going on for months. Last week I attended a party at his house. He was all over me for most of the night and I was so happy. I was thinking it was just a matter of time before we get back together as that was how he was acting. We were so close the whole night and it was great! I was so happy again finally. Then A few days later after no word from him I notice his status on myspace had changed from 'single' to 'in a relationship'. I asked his flatmate about this and she told me that yes he has a gf and they had been together for about a week. Naturally Im devastated I just feel so low tonight and cant stop thinking about him and his gf I hear he has taken her home already and introduced her to everyone and has her around all the time He hasn't said anything to me but he knows I know about it Whats interesting is this is exactally what happened last time (being left for someone else) and it was exactally 6 months apart to date! Anyway I feel sooo sad tonight I was doing ok but tonight I just want to die All I think about it how crap i must be for every1 to leave me, and how happy my exs must be with their new gfnds I cant help think there is something wrong with me Maybe im to fat or to ugly or something?! The two other girls who I was left for are both pretty and small. Anyway sorry for such a long post, just wanted to get it all out and really need some encouragement to take away with me My heart really aches tonight Anyway thanks for reading!
Author SarahT111 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 And to top it all off a friend just told me he was really in love with this new gf Now i really feel like crap!!
D-Lish Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I hope you can understand the the situations are different, and not a reflection of you being unloveable. I suspect you took up with this other guy when you were vulnerable and therefore unable to see the red flags. He sounds like another one of those guys that falls fast and then loses interest- a bit of a player perhaps. These guys are skilled at roping women in and then bolting once they catch them. Just understand that you are vulnerable right now. Take some time to do things for you. It isn't the love of another that validates us- we can only do that for ourselves. When we feel bad and some seemingly charming person comes along and shows us some much needed attention, we tend to put more emphasis on their adoration of us rather than putting effort into liking ourselves. You were in a relationship for a long time. Being single again is the perfect opportunity to get to know who you are outside of a relationship. Like yourself first- then you will be able to choose partners with your eyes wide open. This guy prayed on your vulnerability, and that makes him the one with the problem, not you!
Author SarahT111 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 Thanks so much for replying DLish. your reply brought tears to my eyes. I keep thinking im unlovable and must be truley horrible for everyone to leave me! I feel so sad right now!
trust Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 *hug* Sarah...I'm sorry to hear about how sad you are...it's almost making me sad which leads me to the point I'm about to make. First and foremost, you need time to heal. Try to put some closure on those past "relationships." Basic rule: sadness attracts sadness. I'm a guy who's been with a LOT of girls, and I can tell you that attractiveness in a girl has little to do with a girl being "fat" or "pretty." I challenge you to find happiness (in yourself). Happiness doesn't happen to you. You've got to find it within yourself then decide to *be* happy. When you do, this happiness will shine so brightly through you that you will find that every guy wants to be around you. Why? Because happiness attracts happiness. Try it. I promise you it will work.
Author SarahT111 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 Thanks trust. I thought I did almost learn to love myself but its so difficult when all this is happening. Its always in the back of my mind that there must be something wrong with me for people to leave me the way they do Hearing that he is in love with this new girl so dam fast hurts so bad why did he forget about me so fast and fall for someone else! but i will promise to make more of an effort. thanks again!
D-Lish Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Hearing that he is in love with this new girl so dam fast hurts so bad why did he forget about me so fast and fall for someone else! Sarah, I suspect that he does this sort of thing a lot. It's so easy to grasp onto something we deem meaningful in times of crisis- and we often do so without thinking, because our judgement is clouded during times of sadness. The only thing you did wrong was open your heart to a thoughtless jerk. It's time for you to start thinking about you. I know for me, when I feel bad about myself, I choose unworthy partners. When I feel good about myself, I attract worthy partners. The first thing you need to do is to stop telling yourself all these negative things about yourself. Internalizing that you are unloveable is the worst thing you can do to yourself. When you believe things like that to be true- you will reflect that negativity in your day to day life. Don't let some guy you barely know- who obviously has his own issues- have that sort of power over you. It can be very liberating to discover your single self. I had to go through it after a 9 year relationship, and in many ways I am still going through it. One thing I have discovered about myself is that I won't settle down again until I meet someone that I deserve and deserves me. My last bf and I broke up and he told me I was a piece of crap he had never loved and had made him miserable the entire year we had been together. That is when I found LS- maybe about 2 years ago. I walked around like a zombie for at least a year following that break up. I internalized everything he had said and I believed it. Needless to say- I let a lot of a**-h*les into my life after that break up.... Stop telling yourself you are unloveable right now! Look at this situation as an opportunity to turn your life into something you want it to be. I found that the best focus after a break up is all the stuff outside the romantic areas. The career, health, friendships, travel, education, hobbies, family- etc. Concentrating on those things help you to validate yourself as an individual. Each little triumph and success in those areas go a long way to feeling better about yourself. Just hang in there sweets, and please, look after yourself.
trust Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Thanks trust. I thought I did almost learn to love myself but its so difficult when all this is happening. Its always in the back of my mind that there must be something wrong with me for people to leave me the way they do Hearing that he is in love with this new girl so dam fast hurts so bad why did he forget about me so fast and fall for someone else! but i will promise to make more of an effort. thanks again! Sarah: I'm talking about something altogether different. Of course you should love yourself, and you can start by discontinuing saying those negative things about yourself. Please reread my post. There is some valuable advice there. If you can figure it out, it would be life changing. I wish I had figured that stuff out when I was in my teens. I'd be a whole hella better off today.
Author SarahT111 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 Thanks again for your reply DLish! You must think im crazy!! After about a 3 to 4 month fling im left heartbroken again! And here you are coming out of a 9 year relationship! Im so sorry if I sound selfish but im just really down at the moment. I wish he didn't have so much hold over me Your right I barely know the guy but he has re broken my heart Im sitting at home tonight really upset thinking of him and his new gf Im so upset that I snapped at all my friends and family and now they are all not talking to me! Here I am with tears rolling down my eyes because all I want is him. Yet someother girl is in his arms and yet again im left broken hearted. I was doing ok untill the last few days where the pain really has caught up with me. I just collasped today and cried my eyes out for a good few hours. I hate always having to pretend that im so happy when underneath im a wreck. My friends all compliment as being one of the happiest people they know but its all a lie. Deep down I feel like my world is caving in on me. Im trying I really am but it hurts so bad sometimes.
trust Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Sarah: I can't force emotional development but I can sure try to shed some light. My last attempt here. I don't know that guy, but I wouldn't say he's a jerk. I don't know enough about him. D-lish: from reading a couple of your other posts, I expected a little better than that from you. A jerk? How convenient to put the blame on him and immediately associate him with a confirmed jerk, your ex-boyfriend. Read on and learn a thing or two. He's doing something that's very natural with respect to human behavior. It's up to you to be the wiser. This has nothing to do with *him* and more to do with *you*. But it's not what you think. Change *you* for the better and you will start attracting those types. Easy to say, not so easy to do, and your success will be directly proportional to your effort. Choose to be the victim and stay where you are (sad, lonely, dependent upon others for your happiness) and you will only attract those types. Bad news. Perpecutal cycle. No hope. Post your next story. Your broken heart is a result of your failure to know happiness. If you knew happiness, you wouldn't be so devastated because you would never have let some guy, who you just met, who's a "jerk", who you chose, become the center of your happiness. How does that make any sense? Guys pick up on this initially as a vibe, and maybe never even translate it into words. But I can; it's not attractive. "Huh?", you say. "That sounds like a contradiction." Well that's because it is. If I'm not happy and I attract other unhappy people, then why won't they attach themselves to me for long? Because although the types attract, it doesn't take long for them to see in you, the very thing they didn't change about themselves. Next! Perpetual cycle begins. Post your next story. Looks like this is turning more into a hug fest and make me feel good fest than it is about *change*. You are at yet another dead end and are wondering why. Why did this happen to me? You failed to see the dead end sign that was right in front of you before you went down that road. This post is a sign. If you would just read it and *change* your direction you'd find the cruise ship at the end of the next street, waiting for you to come aboard. That's not to say the seas won't be rough, but that's a different issue altogether. This may be read as a derogatory, and if it is, I apologize in advance -- You are well on your way to becoming one of the vast majority of women who prove my signature to be true. After rereading this post I realize that it doesn't do much for your request (need for encouragement). But sometimes tough love is the best medicine. I can only hope this is one of those times. I'm out. Peace.
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