Author Kamille Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 Your intent is not selfish so I think nothing bad will come of it. You hit the shiny red button - C'est la vive! I think it is somewhat self-serving. The parts I deleted were the "I miss yous", which I always find confusing coming from an ex. I did leave in the part about craving a good cuddle though.... Sb, I have accepted that the relationship is over and yes, it is over because he realized he didn't have in him to want to be there for me long-term. I don't think it diminishes how supportive he was of me when we were together. Or changes the fact we were over. Thanks everyone else for the kind words. And Nemo, how did you know exactly what I wrote? Did I send you the email by mistake??? I will let you know if he responds. I can say though, right now I don't feel that daunting 'will he respond' feeling. I hope he does simply because he means a lot to me. And as for insomnia, I feel nauseous from lack of sleep. The sun was coming up by the time I got some shut-eye. Which probably means I won't be uber-productive at work today, which usually means I spend the whole day on LS. Right now, I need coffee!
northstar1 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I think it is somewhat self-serving. The parts I deleted were the "I miss yous", which I always find confusing coming from an ex. I did leave in the part about craving a good cuddle though.... Sb, I have accepted that the relationship is over and yes, it is over because he realized he didn't have in him to want to be there for me long-term. I don't think it diminishes how supportive he was of me when we were together. Or changes the fact we were over. Thanks everyone else for the kind words. And Nemo, how did you know exactly what I wrote? Did I send you the email by mistake??? I will let you know if he responds. I can say though, right now I don't feel that daunting 'will he respond' feeling. I hope he does simply because he means a lot to me. And as for insomnia, I feel nauseous from lack of sleep. The sun was coming up by the time I got some shut-eye. Which probably means I won't be uber-productive at work today, which usually means I spend the whole day on LS. Right now, I need coffee! I also crave my ex's affections right now - and there is not even a shred of possibility, as she is abroad for several more months.
Author Kamille Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 I also crave my ex's affections right now - and there is not even a shred of possibility, as she is abroad for several more months. Well, there is currently 1000 kilometers between my ex and I. So no, physicial affection wouldn't be possible, but I craved knowing he was still a part of my life. Or even having the possibility to tell him that one hug from him would make a world of difference to me right now.
northstar1 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Well, there is currently 1000 kilometers between my ex and I. So no, physicial affection wouldn't be possible, but I craved knowing he was still a part of my life. Or even having the possibility to tell him that one hug from him would make a world of difference to me right now. Yes, it's weird. I need to get over her, because there no liklihood we'll be together - but at the same point, I don't want to go without having any sort of contact with her and knowing she's okay.
sunshinegirl Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I was craving my ex's comfort (or was it his body?) last night. Big time. And then I remembered, "oh yeah, he cheated on me and is probably having sex with the hooch right now...2 miles from my house." That kind of soured things for me.
critter909 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Thinking of him with the hooch kills it for me too
Author Kamille Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 He replied. I replied. I'm not sure just how he is doing. it sounds like contact from me throws him into tailspins. We will try to see each other this summer, when we will be, because of different activties, only separated by 200kms. (I'd guess 150 miles) I don't think it's clear for either of us what we want the outcome of that meeting to be. I said I want us to move on from being people who broke each other's heart, and he said he would be into that. I have a headache from lack of sleep and from **** hitting the fan even more today at work. My boss/thesis supervisor is giving me ultimatums - long story. I will finish my PhD and then I think I want out of academia. I love research, but I don't like the political side of it.
CailinPig Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Oh Kamille, you're doing a thesis too. So am I!! You sound like you're really into it, but I suppose you'd have to be if you're doing a PhD. What are you researching? I understand completely what you're saying about wanting to turn to your ex for comfort. I had a bad day yesterday and texted my ex and he said: "Look, I'm sorry for the situation you're in. But I'd prefer if you didn't depend on me. It'd be unfair on ***** (his current gf)." So there ya go! Us humans are such weak lil bunnies, aren't we? We need love and cuddles. Awww! I'd love some cuddles now.....
Author Kamille Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 Oh Kamille, you're doing a thesis too. So am I!! You sound like you're really into it, but I suppose you'd have to be if you're doing a PhD. What are you researching? I think I'm researching how to be taken advantage off. Oh no wait, that's just the raw deal I've just been dealt. Really I study sociology (we can go in more details by pm). What do you study? I understand completely what you're saying about wanting to turn to your ex for comfort. I had a bad day yesterday and texted my ex and he said: "Look, I'm sorry for the situation you're in. But I'd prefer if you didn't depend on me. It'd be unfair on ***** (his current gf)." So there ya go! Us humans are such weak lil bunnies, aren't we? We need love and cuddles. Awww! I'd love some cuddles now..... That was something I only thought about when I read Sunshine's girl: what if he's now seeing someone else? I guess, like your ex, he would have gently told me to back off. It's tough isn't it? I miss how reassuring it was to have someone I was starting to plan a life with, someone who had my back (and vice versa). And just how sleeping cuddled with someone I love cures insomnia.
trulysomething Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I know that all so well. I finished up my dissertation while going through a breakup. The ex and I still see each other all the time (although he frequently breaks dates..but he did that while we were together too) and are so messed about about what is happening. I still call him for support, but I can/could never rely on him to actually be here when I need him. He should be easy to go NC with...but he's not. *sigh* Hope you are feeling better soon..
sb129 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Sb, I have accepted that the relationship is over and yes, it is over because he realized he didn't have in him to want to be there for me long-term. I don't think it diminishes how supportive he was of me when we were together. Or changes the fact we were over. ! I know sweetie- I am on your team remember! You may have forgiven him for not committing to you long term, but I haven't quite yet. xx
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