craving the comfort my ex provided

[Kamille]

I just wrote an e-mail to my ex, my finger hovered over the mouse as I thought about clicking send, but I still haven't sent it.

 

I miss the comfort of being with him. I am having a bout of bad insomnia lately, mostly linked to financial troubles. I was in the same precarious situation when I was with my ex, but I seemed to be less prone to worry about it.

 

All I needed to do was cuddle up to him to feel warm, fuzzy and safe. He made me feel safe.

 

I think I shouldn't send the message because it would be selfish to do so. All I am craving is comfort, a comfort I should no longer ask him to provide.

[Kamille]

i want to press send i wanna press send me press send then i send it send send send.

 

i haven't deleted the email. I want to send it. should i send it? would it be selfish to send him an email saying that right now i really would love to cuddle up with him?

[Ariadne]

i want to press send i wanna press send me press send then i send it send send send.

 

i haven't deleted the email. I want to send it. should i send it? would it be selfish to send him an email saying that right now i really would love to cuddle up with him?

 

No, don't send it.

[Kamille]

No, don't send it.

 

Ariadne???!!! You're the one telling me not to send an email?

 

I would love to hear why you don't think I should send it.

[Ariadne]

Ariadne???!!! You're the one telling me not to send an email?

 

I would love to hear why you don't think I should send it.

 

Oh, I just said that because I noticed that you always do the opposite of what I tell you.

[Ariadne]

All I needed to do was cuddle up to him to feel warm, fuzzy and safe. He made me feel safe.

 

Now, the "do" make you feel safe.

 

I remember in my marriages I never stopped feeling safe, even when the relationship wasn't going that well. I still do with my ex husb.

[Karyyk]

Wrong? I don't think so. A bad idea? Probably so.

 

Everyone wants comfort, and there have been a lot of times lately where I'd die to have someone to talk to. So many things have been going on lately, and I feel like my life is unraveling right in front of me.

 

I've been tempted to call my ex a number of times, just to talk. She told me that I could call her, but I haven't. It seems unfair, because I don't really want "just" friendship with her, but at the same time, I don't really want a "relationship" either. Honestly though, at this point, I don't even know what I want or what I'm looking for.

 

If you send it, it won't make you a horrible person, but you just need to ask yourself what good will come from it. He could ignore the e-mail, he could respond in a way differently than you're expecting, or he could comfort you, just like he apparently always did. Even if he does do that, will it change the situation? You might feel better for a while, but when all is said and done, all the issues you're facing will still be there, and you'll still have to face them by yourself. You could also regret calling him back, because even if he responds as you want him to, that's just going to make you miss it more.

 

It's a tough road sometimes, and having to go it alone makes it just that much tougher. Comfort comes from many places, and there are worse ways to get it than from someone who truly cares about you, regardless of the history between you. There really isn't a right or wrong thing to do in this situation. All you can do is ask yourself whether the comfort will truly help, and whether or not it will be worth some of the other feelings it's bound to dig up.

 

I hope things get better. It's easy to become discouraged (I know I have been for a long time now, and at this point, I'm severely depressed), but hard to keep going without a light at the end of the tunnel. Things will get better I hope, but it's going to take time, and effort. Sometimes it feels like those are the two things you don't have, but I do believe that things will get better. Hang in there. *HUG*

[Kamille]

Oh, I just said that because I noticed that you always do the opposite of what I tell you.

 

You definitely just made me smile.

 

But yeah, you "do" comment about feeling safe even when the relationships aren't going well: one of the reasons I hesitate to send the email is because, well, obviously our relationship wasn't going well... So I should stop turning to him for comfort right?

[burning 4 revenge]

Im not going to give you a hug like Karryk, because I don't even know you, but Ill offer to bum you a smoke

 

Theres no reason not to send it if you want to send it. Ive always given in to the impulse to commuunicate when Ive needed to and stoped when it became meaningless.

 

Apparently theres still meaning there for you

[Kamille]

Wrong? I don't think so. A bad idea? Probably so.

 

Everyone wants comfort, and there have been a lot of times lately where I'd die to have someone to talk to. So many things have been going on lately, and I feel like my life is unraveling right in front of me.

 

I've been tempted to call my ex a number of times, just to talk. She told me that I could call her, but I haven't. It seems unfair, because I don't really want "just" friendship with her, but at the same time, I don't really want a "relationship" either. Honestly though, at this point, I don't even know what I want or what I'm looking for.

 

If you send it, it won't make you a horrible person, but you just need to ask yourself what good will come from it. He could ignore the e-mail, he could respond in a way differently than you're expecting, or he could comfort you, just like he apparently always did. Even if he does do that, will it change the situation? You might feel better for a while, but when all is said and done, all the issues you're facing will still be there, and you'll still have to face them by yourself. You could also regret calling him back, because even if he responds as you want him to, that's just going to make you miss it more.

 

It's a tough road sometimes, and having to go it alone makes it just that much tougher. Comfort comes from many places, and there are worse ways to get it than from someone who truly cares about you, regardless of the history between you. There really isn't a right or wrong thing to do in this situation. All you can do is ask yourself whether the comfort will truly help, and whether or not it will be worth some of the other feelings it's bound to dig up.

 

I hope things get better. It's easy to become discouraged (I know I have been for a long time now, and at this point, I'm severely depressed), but hard to keep going without a light at the end of the tunnel. Things will get better I hope, but it's going to take time, and effort. Sometimes it feels like those are the two things you don't have, but I do believe that things will get better. Hang in there. *HUG*

 

Thanks Karyyk for the kind words. I return the well wishes. Things will get better for you I hope, it's also going to take time and effort.

 

And thanks for helping me think through what sending the email would entail. I don't think I will send it: what I want is to be in his arms, and sending an email is a poor substitute for a loving embrace.

[burning 4 revenge]

You definitely just made me smile.

 

But yeah, you "do" comment about feeling safe even when the relationships aren't going well: one of the reasons I hesitate to send the email is because, well, obviously our relationship wasn't going well... So I should stop turning to him for comfort right?

I dont like it if a girl turns to me soley for comfort if theres feelings there, but I either say something or just dont respond

 

He has the same option

 

If it makes you feel better send it

[Kamille]

Im not going to give you a hug like Karryk, because I don't even know you, but Ill offer to bum you a smoke

 

Theres no reason not to send it if you want to send it. Ive always given in to the impulse to commuunicate when Ive needed to and stoped when it became meaningless.

 

Apparently theres still meaning there for you

 

I'm all out of smokes. I haven't had a single smoke in two weeks, not even when I got silly drunk on sangria.

 

In the past, I have given into the impulse to communicate with ex. But last time we spoke, it sounded like, even though he ended things between us, he was struggling more then I was with the break up. Hence why I think it isn't really fair for me to turn to him when I need solace.

[Ariadne]

I hesitate to send the email is because, well, obviously our relationship wasn't going well... So I should stop turning to him for comfort right?

 

Nah, I still turn to my exs for comfort.

 

Guys usually like to help.

[Kamille]

I reread, edited for sappy content, and pressed sent.

 

que sera, sera.

[LikeCharlotte]

In the past, I have given into the impulse to communicate with ex. But last time we spoke, it sounded like, even though he ended things between us, he was struggling more then I was with the break up. Hence why I think it isn't really fair for me to turn to him when I need solace.

It's so nice that you really do consider his feelings. If he's hurting let him heal. Only you know what is right. I admire your honesty and genuine caring very much Kamille. I wish I could help. Is there someone else you can call? Just to take your mind off of it?

[Nevermind]

You ended on good terms, steps like this might lead to a friendship after all.

 

I don't think you need to fear his reaction as long as you don't wish for any romantic outcome.

[Kamille]

Oh, I just said that because I noticed that you always do the opposite of what I tell you.

 

I guess your trick worked A!

[LikeCharlotte]

I reread, edited for sappy content, and pressed sent.

 

que sera, sera.

Your intent is not selfish so I think nothing bad will come of it. You hit the shiny red button - C'est la vive!

[Kamille]

You ended on good terms, steps like this might lead to a friendship after all.

 

I don't think you need to fear his reaction as long as you don't wish for any romantic outcome.

 

I don't fear his reaction, so much as I don't want to string him along. But like Burning said, he can decide how he responds or if he responds. if there is one thing I know about my ex, it's that he won't hesitate to do what's best for him.

[Ariadne]

I guess your trick worked A!

 

Hey, and maybe he's missing you and wants to try!

 

Guys can become saps when they are all alone like dogs once they had companion.

[sb129]

Hey Kamille. Sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down- its totally normal to be feeling this way.

 

Your ex didn't provide you with the comfort when you needed it most though.

I am sorry to sound mean, and thats not my intention.

Its easy to look back through rose tinted spectacles and see the good aspects of our exes when we are feeling a little down or lonely.

 

Ultimately, you aren't together now because he wasn't capable of giving you the long term comfort you deserve.

 

This feeling will pass hon, you are a strong woman.

 

Hugs to you.

[sb129]

Oops. I wrote that before realising you sent the email.

 

C'est la vie- as the others say. Maybe as a friend he will be able to give you more support than he could as a lover.

[Lishy]

Oooooooo tell us if he replies

 

You naughty minx!

[Nemo]

I reread, edited for sappy content, and pressed sent.

It kind of sucks that you deleted the best stuff out. Anyway, I can only imagine what you wrote.

 

Dearest X,

 

I feel so empty without you. I wish you were here to fill me up.

 

With much love,

Kamille.

[marlena]

Kamille,

 

You parted on good terms. There is nothing wrong with wanting to keep in touch with him every so often providing of course that he wants to maintain contact as well. I think you are handling this well. You seem to be very mature,intelligent, level-headed and very much in control of yourself and your emotions. So, I trust that whatever you said in that email was in keeping with these wondeful traits of yours. I am sure that he was very happy to get it.