i'm still in love with my ex...do i have a chance at getting him back?

[kirrikiki288]

i had my first serious relationship about 5 years ago and it lasted 2 years. my bf broke up with me (3 years ago) and we both went our seperate ways. i left for college and dated someone else, he didn't date anyone the entire 3 years.

 

about 6 months ago (after i was already single), my first ex and i started talking again and he told me he still loved me and wanted me back. i was not ready for a new relationship right away and told him i needed time. he misinterpreted this as a rejection and now that i'm ready, he says he has nothing left and has been seeing someone else for about 4 weeks

 

it hurts me so much!! then everytime i mention having lost him forever, he says "never say never..life always gives you more opportunities". We still chat occasionally online. His sister (my best friend) told me that he said to her that he made this new girl seem a lot more serious to me then she actually is. He's told his sister that this new girl isn't even really his GF. (P.S.- this new girl is a coworker, 4 years older then him, and previously married). so now i want him back and i don't know what to do? lay off or fight for what i want? help!

 

 

other things he's said:

 

-he's always poking fun about his new gf, clearly trying to get a reaction from me.

 

-he makes fun of me and jokes around

 

-he's asked me how my BF situation is

 

-i've told him my feelings twice already. both times he tells me that life is long and gives more chances. but he also says that time heals everything.

 

-when i asked him how he got over me so fast (because 4 months ago he told me again he still cared about me), he said he replaced me.

 

-there have been several days when we talk online while he's at work or when he comes home for about 3 or 4 hours, just talking about random things.

 

-he also went as far to mention that he'd like to visit the Northeast again (he visited me for the first time in Nov) and would probably go to Boston (which is where i go to school).

[alialui]

the way your ex is acting is abit similar to me and my ex. I used to say some hurtful things such as my new love interest, what I did with him etc (I know it's sooo mean). He does that 'cuz he got hurt, is afraid of potential heartbreaks which can be caused by having relationship with you. That man loves you and that means you have a power to hurt him if you treat him bad, cheat on him or never love him again. He's still in his shell. Keep some distance from him. He's dating now, but i'm sure he's thinking about you whenever he's around you. if he realizes the distance created, he would be more active on pursuing you. Never be clingy or pushy. Be cool and wait until he comes to you. when he does, be nice to him. if you try to get back at him, he'll be gone again.

 

Now, focus on your career, family, friends, and above all, yourself. So, you will be strong to handle situations wisely when he comes back.

 

Good luck.

[kirrikiki288]

thank you so much alialui. yes i know distance is the best solution. i'm leaving my hometown to go back to boston in a few weeks, which will make it easier. the funny this is we will always be in each others lives due to my best friend being his sister. so i know someway somehow i'll hear about him in the near future

[alialui]

I iniated NC with my ex since last sunday. First couple of days were like a hell thinking that he would forget about me and get a new girlfriend. but now, I feel this way. Making two people fall in love and get married is God's work. Of course, if God have us meet and fall in love, it's our job to make the love work.

 

So, if you and him are soulmates, God will find ways for you guys to meet and have a brand new relationship, and it's your and his job to make it work this time.

 

try to work on healing yourself from old scars. you must have some anger against him not because he's a jerk, but because the whole situation is hurting you and unconsciously, see him as a source of your pain (and that's why he's acting lilke a kid. He's in pain and fear now see you as a source of pain). forgive him for doing that and forgive yourself for any mistake you have made.

 

If you have some bad habit or attitudes that undermined your last relationship, work on removing them and enhance all the good qualities of you.

 

God is going to send him back to you, if he's your soulmate or he's gonna send you someone better than him for you.

 

the only thing you should do now is trying to be a better person for yourself.

 

I recommand this book "I need your love- Is that true?" it really help me have a different perspective on love and relationship and have a better ideas about how to maintain a healthy relationship.

 

good luck:) feel free to ask some more advice if you want