shadowplay Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Is it strange that I already have a new crush? My bf and I are still technically together; he doesn't know I want to break up because he's been away for a week. I have only hinted at the possibility several times. My emotional lability is weird. I wonder if I'm just incapable of harboring a deep, lasting attachment to anyone outside of my immediate family. I was so convinced a month ago that I was in love with him (and I think I actually was in that moment), but now I wonder if that was just the pregnancy hormones. They seemed to intensify all of my emotions, both negative and positive. Since the abortion, as the hormones have subsided, so have my feelings for him. I have very little in the way of love left. I'm not even angry at him. Just neutral. I rarely think about him as I go about my day. Sometimes I miss the sex, but I never miss him or our tender moments anymore. What happened? It's like the emotional part of my brain, the part that feels love and closeness, has shut down. I keep thinking about how I never even wanted to go on a first date with him, but only went because my mother basically dragged me there. So much grief for both of us could have been avoided if I had just followed my gut. I didn't like him when we were in the class where we first met. I thought he seemed like an ass (he was rude to me and flaked out on me a few times). I actually remember looking at his profile as he spoke once in class and thinking to myself, "he's not objectively bad looking, but he's ugly to me because he seems like a bad person." Bizarre that such a thought you have preceded a year-long relationship. But then I went on the date and I noticed his face was pretty cute up close and I was like "hmmm..." I was all dazzled by his green eyes and tall, masculine build. I didn't even think we had anything in common aside from being smart and into movies. He seemed unreflective and boring. I was just physically attracted to him and wanted a boyfriend. It wasn't until later that any feelings beyond that developed. I'll be honest. All I want at this point is to have sex with guys I find attractive. Is that slutty or wrong of me? I know I sound like such a ditz, but that's how I really feel. If nothing else my bf has opened up the world of sex to me. I'm not even interested in dating or a relationship. If Mr. Right lands in my lap, sure...but I won't actively seek a relationship out. There's this particular guy at one of my jobs I've zeroed in on. Not the same producer dude I mentioned in another thread. Long story but I decided that guy was a prick. I didn't really notice this one at first because he's not my usual type. He's a 23-year-old video editor with a bunch of tattoos. He looks like he belongs in some mid-nineties SoCal ska band. I know that sounds incredibly lame, but he actually seems cool and nice. He was helping me edit something the other day and I suddenly noticed how cute he is up close. His eyes are fantastic. His tattoos are also kind of hot. To be honest I just want to jump this guy's bones and have crazy sex. I don't even care about getting to know him. I'd prefer to just skip all that and get to the juicy stuff. I know rebounding is frowned upon on this forum, but what about casual sex after a relationship ends? I want it bad with this guy. If it's possible for a girl to objectify a guy then I definitely am with this one. I know if I was another person reading this thread I would hate myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm empty on the inside, because I can have strong emotions that disappear without a trace. I'm capable of controlling my behavior, but how do I control my feelings? I want to be normal. This stuff is so personal and embarrassing that I could never talk about it with anyone I knew in person, even my therapist. I'm afraid they'd judge me or think I was a slut, perhaps justifiably so. I am so horny right now.
CandyGirlXO Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I would say that you are just falling out of love with your BF, I did the same thing. I also have this crush on a guy and I have dreams of us having sex all the time. I just want to have crazy sex with him, and he has no idea. Back to the topic, I would take this as a sign that you are falling out of love, thats the same signs I had.
GPFan Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I'll be honest. All I want at this point is to have sex with guys I find attractive. Is that slutty or wrong of me? I know I sound like such a ditz, but that's how I really feel. If nothing else my bf has opened up the world of sex to me. I'm not even interested in dating or a relationship. If Mr. Right lands in my lap, sure...but I won't actively seek a relationship out. Go for it as long as you don't get attached and practise safer sex (of course). Concentrate on yourself for a while after you extricate yourself from your current relationship. You need time to heal.
underpants Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Why do you think, you feel the need to transition from one relationship to another?
Nevermind Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 1. You should be able to tell this to your therapist. It might be important. 2. What unders said...why not be alone for a while?
Author shadowplay Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 1. You should be able to tell this to your therapist. It might be important. 2. What unders said...why not be alone for a while? I'm not interested in a relationship, though.
Nevermind Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 So, break up, **** the crush, go on with your own life.
Stockalone Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I'll be honest. All I want at this point is to have sex with guys I find attractive. Is that slutty or wrong of me? I know I sound like such a ditz, but that's how I really feel. If nothing else my bf has opened up the world of sex to me. I'm not even interested in dating or a relationship. If Mr. Right lands in my lap, sure...but I won't actively seek a relationship out. I think you should take it one step at the time. First, you will have to break up with your bf. I don't think that will be easy, it's not like you haven't tried to end it before. But if that is what you want, I hope you find the strength to end the relationship for good this time. About the casual sex thing. I don't think that is a good idea, but I am a prudish boy-scout. So feel free to ignore me. This stuff is so personal and embarrassing that I could never talk about it with anyone I knew in person, even my therapist. I'm afraid they'd judge me or think I was a slut, perhaps justifiably so. I am so horny right now. If other people have a problem with you having casual sex, then that is their problem, not yours. You once said that you are afraid of being alone and that you were lonely in your relationship right now. Do you still feel that way? I can understand being afraid of being alone. I lived the better part of my adult years alone and it was a unfamiliar concept in the beginning. But living alone doesn't equal loneliness. Given the roller coaster ride that has been your life for the recent past, I would think that learning to live on your own and not feel depressed about it might help you (along with therapy) to become more confident in general. If casual sex is one of the things you want to do, then do it. I am simply concerned that you might feel that way for the wrong reasons. Don't have casual sex as a means to gain validation from men. That is why I would strongly urge you to talk about all you have posted here with your therapist. He/she is there to help you and might help you get a better understanding of why you want cetain things. There is also something I have to ask. Your bf knows that you post here on LS. Doesn't he read your posts anymore? I know I would.
Recommended Posts