i'm still in love with my ex...do i have a chance at getting him back?

[kirrikiki288]

i had my first serious relationship about 5 years ago and it lasted 2 years. my bf broke up with me (3 years ago) and we both went our seperate ways. i left for college and dated someone else, he didn't date anyone the entire 3 years.

 

about 6 months ago (after i was already single), my first ex and i started talking again and he told me he still loved me and wanted me back. i was not ready for a new relationship right away and told him i needed time. he misinterpreted this as a rejection and now that i'm ready, he says he has nothing left and has been seeing someone else for about 4 weeks

 

it hurts me so much!! then everytime i mention having lost him forever, he says "never say never..life always gives you more opportunities". We still chat occasionally online. His sister (my best friend) told me that he said to her that he made this new girl seem a lot more serious to me then she actually is. He's told his sister that this new girl isn't even really his GF. (P.S.- this new girl is a coworker, 4 years older then him, and previously married). so now i want him back and i don't know what to do? lay off or fight for what i want? help!

 

 

other things he's said:

 

-he's always poking fun about his new gf, clearly trying to get a reaction from me.

 

-he makes fun of me and jokes around

 

-he's asked me how my BF situation is

 

-i've told him my feelings twice already. both times he tells me that life is long and gives more chances. but he also says that time heals everything.

 

-when i asked him how he got over me so fast (because 4 months ago he told me again he still cared about me), he said he replaced me.

 

-there have been several days when we talk online while he's at work or when he comes home for about 3 or 4 hours, just talking about random things.

 

-he also went as far to mention that he'd like to visit the Northeast again (he visited me for the first time in Nov) and would probably go to Boston (which is where i go to school).

[dajp]

There are certainly some bad signs here. In short, I would strongly suggest going for no contact at this point. He does not seem willing at all to return to a committed relationship with you and is instead using you in order to inflate his ego and recieve attention. This is doing you no good whatsoever and for your own sanity you need to try to move on.

 

I have very recent personal experience of this. My ex, who dumped me, subsequently became lonely and craved attention -- I gave in and we got back together for all of 4 days before she dumped me again. Once her temporary loneliness and depression subsided and she was in a higher mood she had no use for me anymore, and now I'm going through the grieving process a second time.

 

The fact that this guy teases you is a bad sign, my ex teased me and cut me up for a long time before she ended it. (Told me I needed to immediately lose weight, belittled my accomplishments etc...) It is a cowardly way of putting distance between people, and will erode your self-respect. Essentially, he's pulling you closer on the one hand for attention and pushing you away with the other.

 

I suspect that if things do not work out between your ex and his new gf, he'll be coming back with full force, but only for something temporary and not anything permanent. You'll be the rebound, as I was my own rebound and you will take ALL of the risk and pay ALL of the negative consequences. For him it's risk free. And how is that a fair deal?? Don't do it.

 

You deserve better and there are plenty of other guys out there that are willing to commit entirely to a relationship. Don't settle for anything less than that.

 

With time, things will slowly improve... I'm trying to be patient myself and can really relate to where you are coming from.

 

-dajp.

[vivrantflo]

he told me he still loved me and wanted me back. i was not ready for a new relationship right away and told him i needed time. he misinterpreted this as a rejection and now that i'm ready, he says he has nothing left and has been seeing someone else for about 4 weeks

 

It is rejection. I got those same lines from my ex. She told me she's not ready.. and needs time. What happend a month later? I got burned. You give him the same lines. And nothing transpires for 5 months, so he started dating another chick for the last 4 weeks. Can you blame him?

 

 

 

 

everytime i mention having lost him forever, he says "never say never..life always gives you more opportunities".

 

I can't say that I'd ever say this to a woman that I was interested in.. that's for sure. You should go NC. If he's not making the effort to chase you, he's just not interested anymore. He had 5 months to sit on the fact that you turned him down.

 

 

Don't worry about what his sister says.. it means nothing. If this guy is not persuing you, and expressing interest in you, then he's not interested. At least not for now. Go NC and live your life. You two bumped into each other for a second time, so if you're meant to be, you'll cross paths again