CailinPig Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I had a really bad day today. Due to my lack of employment, college being out for the summer, a thesis hanging over my head that I can't even look at, friends all working, and of course my ex having another girlfriend. I don't know why today was so bad in particular. Around evening time, I just seemed to collapse and cry. I lay on my bed and cried and cried, and felt like no one cared. I texted my friends and also my ex. My ex told me he is not in love with me anymore, that me having sex with him sorta cleansed him of that, I guess. It doesn't matter who I reach out to during this time. It's crystal clear that they don't understand and they just don't even know what to say to me anymore. I feel sorry for my friends because they've had to deal with the 'loss' of their friend, me. I've become a shell of my former self. I hope one day I can repay them all the kindness. But I feel so alone, so so so lonely, hurt, worthless, confused, everything like that. He loved me. Where did that go? Besides all that, why haven't I got the strength to lift my sorry spirits off the ground? It has been three months and it has NOT GOTTEN BETTER. It has just become different. I'm scared of what tomorrow brings.
sailing Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Sorry, this is such a cliché, but I was wondering whether this is the time for you to learn to rely on yourself, to develop that strength for yourself? You sound like an extrovert so you might not like it, but try not to act on the impulse to text someone next time, and instead consider if there is anything you can do for yourself to make you feel better. Work on your thesis may be boring, but it would seem a perfect and worthwhile thing to do. Don't delay it too long. If nothing else, break it down into smaller pieces or just jot down a few ideas. Of course your friends still care about you. They're just pre-occupied or, as you say, don't know what else to say about your break-up.
foxh1234 Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I had a really bad day today. Due to my lack of employment, college being out for the summer, a thesis hanging over my head that I can't even look at, friends all working, and of course my ex having another girlfriend. I don't know why today was so bad in particular. Around evening time, I just seemed to collapse and cry. I lay on my bed and cried and cried, and felt like no one cared. I texted my friends and also my ex. My ex told me he is not in love with me anymore, that me having sex with him sorta cleansed him of that, I guess. It doesn't matter who I reach out to during this time. It's crystal clear that they don't understand and they just don't even know what to say to me anymore. I feel sorry for my friends because they've had to deal with the 'loss' of their friend, me. I've become a shell of my former self. I hope one day I can repay them all the kindness. But I feel so alone, so so so lonely, hurt, worthless, confused, everything like that. He loved me. Where did that go? Besides all that, why haven't I got the strength to lift my sorry spirits off the ground? It has been three months and it has NOT GOTTEN BETTER. It has just become different. I'm scared of what tomorrow brings. This is not easy for you and it certainly isn't easy for anyone going through it. Here is the tough love- He is gone and he likely won't be coming back. So who is going to help you and get you through this ? Simple answer is YOU!!! No one can get you out of this except you. Where did his love go ? I wish I could answer that for you and also for the millions of us that it has happened to. Bottom line is, it doesn't matter anymore. He is gone and you need to pick yourself up and get on with your life. Lying around crying is not helping you. You said why don't I have the strength ? You do have it, you just need to rediscover it. It's in you and only you can get it back. I was scared about the future when she dumped me too, everyone is afraid when their comfortable life is pulled out from under them, that is normal. Do not let him continue to have power over you, take it back for yourself and you will feel empowered again. get up, get out, walk, run, exercise, read a good book, watch a great movie, do things to get your mind off of things for awhile. The sooner you accept that he is gone and not coming back, the quicker you will start to heal and get yourself back. We have all been where you are and I for one can tell you with 100% certainty that it does get better. I will help you anyway I can, pm me anytime you need to talk. Just decide that enough is enough and take it one day at a time. You can do it!!
critter909 Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 It's rough! I feel for you. I have those moments too when it seems like no one will pick up the phone when you really feel like you need to talk. You can always come on here and complain, that's what I do, I read the posts and respond where I can. People here don't get sick of hearing about this stuff, they are going through the same thing. On my own though, I force myself to move, literally to move. Whether it is to actually go outside for a run or do the laundry or what ever. I am not kidding, it's forcing, and as some time goes by I get a little better, feel like I have control again and can keep moving forward. Hang in there!
Author CailinPig Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 Thanx guys, all three of you, sailing, fox and critter, for responding. Sailing and Fox, you both said that I can't rely on anyone but myself, I know that, but I;m finding that like a big black hole!! I used to rely only on myself. I mean, I was 20 before I got myself a serious boyfriend. But it's hard to rely on myslef when I'm this pitiful, broken down character right now. God, I'm such a depressing, not nice person to be around these days. I miss having someone who cares for me and who I care for also. I never felt alone before the age of 20, and after this break up, i really do. Critter, that's good advice about moving around all the time. I go no-where. I sit in front of the computer or the tv ALL day. I never used to do that. My lack of social interaction is getting me down, cos my friends are in work all day. I'll try harder. Anyway, thanx for responding, I really appreciate it. And if any of you ever feel down, I'll be here for you. Just PM me and I'll give you my email address.
kizik Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I'm this pitiful, broken down character right now. God, I'm such a depressing, not nice person to be around these days. Cailin, your recovery starts with positive self-talk. I've seen your pic, you are a GORGEOUS girl who many men would be lucky to date. But if you THINK of yourself as pitiful and broken, you WILL be. Rather, see yourself as free and empowered, and the intelligent catch that you are. And try to change your attitude! If you feel you are "depressing" and not fun to be around... try to be fun! Smile. Stop talking to your family and friends about your sadness and they will want to be around you more. You are not a victim and your life is not over. You need to stop messing with that guy, b/c he has no respect for you OR his current g/f.
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