would this irritate you?

[lexi29]

Yesterday I went to my fiance's house after work (usual). I made him dinner (first time I've made him dinner in awhile) and since he got hurt a week ago I've been helping him out around the house a lot (doing laundry etc) because he has to use crutches. His son has been gone for almost two weeks (comes back tonight) as he's been with his aunt on vacation. It has been nice to have all this alone time with my fiance. We've had sex every day since his son has been gone which has been fun. We've also gone out a few times. We haven't argued at all. Its been very relaxing. Monday night I spent the night at his place. I normally do not stay with him during the week because 1- his son is there and 2- it is about a 45 minute drive to where I work and I live only 10 minutes from work so I'd rather stay at my place. But I wanted to spend more time with him so I stayed. He was suprised and happy.

 

Tuesday morning he told me he loved me and kissed me goodbye before he went to work. We spent tuesday evening together and it was nice- we talked about a lot of things. He said he can't wait to get married to me and that he loves being with me and all these other sweet things. We watched tv and cuddled on the couch. We messed around and I gave him a hj (he didn't ask I just wanted to). He cuddled with me the rest of the night and rubbed my back and was being really sweet. Well I left his house around 10pm and normally he gives me a hug and kiss and tells me "I Love you" before I leave. He had to move his truck so I could back my car out and he walked outside as I went to give him a hug and I just figured he'd come up to my car and give me a kiss before I left (he always does this). Well he didn't. He just got in his truck and moved it and I had to leave (I couldnt stop my car unless I wanted to park it in the middle of the street.) No hug, no kiss no nothing. For some reason this really upset me. I thought he was mad at me because he asked me to spend the night again that night and I wouldn't (too tired and needed sleep) He didn't seem mad but thats all I could come up with. I expected him to call me on my cell as I was driving home and tell me he loves me and sorry he forgot to give me a kiss. Yesterday I started a thread on here wondering if my fiance was selfish or a narcissist. So I was on the lookout for him behaving selfishly and when he did that all i could think is everyone was right, he is just such a selfish bastard!

 

I called him when I got home (I normally do this) and he asked me "Did YOU forget something?" I said no, but you forgot to say bye and give me a hug and he said well why didn't YOU give me one or stop me. He said he totally forgot to give me a kiss and didn't realize it till he was back inside doing dishes. How can you FORGET to give your fiance a kiss bye and tell her you love her when you do it every single day?? He just made a joke of it and said well I'll just give you two kisses tomorrow. I was really upset and he was just like I'm sorry , i forgot what do you want me to say?

 

I was just so mad because we'd gotten along so well and I'd done a lot of nice things for him (spent the night, made him dinner, gave him a hj) and for him to just blow off (or forget) saying bye, I love you etc to me before I left was just wrong in my mind. LIke how could he forget?

 

If I ever left his house without telling him goodbye or even if I forgot to call him to let him know I got home ok (I've done this a few times) he would think I was mad at him or something. Is this just a simple thing that someone could easily forget or is my fiance just too wrapped up in himself?

[whichwayisup]

He said he can't wait to get married to me and that he loves being with me and all these other sweet things.

 

Yet as soon as his son comes home, everything changes. His son doesn't even know you two are a couple or planning on getting married.

 

Lexi, there's something wrong in your relationship with him. Maybe you two are not a great match because it seems there's always something that he's doing/done to piss you off and upset you. Maybe your expectations are too high and that's why you keep getting disappointed.

 

I read your post twice - There are alot of red flags throughout it...Things that will lead to bigger problems later.

[Nevermind]

His son doesn't even know you two are a couple or planning on getting married.

 

Lexi stated in other threads that the son was looking forward to the wedding etc.

[hotgurl]

LExi I think you are over reacting on this one. You said he was hurt. Maybe he was tired or in pain and just forgot.

 

It happens. I think you are in for a rude awakening when you do tie the knot and move in together.

[tanbark813]

I think you're reading way too much into this. You described a lot of good things and then one bad (which I don't even think is that big a deal). Why are you primarily focused on the one bad thing rather than the many good things?

 

So I was on the lookout for him behaving selfishly and when he did that all i could think is everyone was right, he is just such a selfish bastard!

 

Ever notice how once you buy a car, you suddenly realize how many other cars like it are on the road, but you never really noticed before? You'll see what you're on the lookout for. If you were on the lookout for him being sweet you'd see those things as well. Again, why are you so hung up on the negative?

 

I called him when I got home (I normally do this) and he asked me "Did YOU forget something?" I said no, but you forgot to say bye and give me a hug and he said well why didn't YOU give me one or stop me.

 

You can't get mad at him for doing something you did yourself.

[lexi29]

Yet as soon as his son comes home, everything changes. His son doesn't even know you two are a couple or planning on getting married.

 

Lexi, there's something wrong in your relationship with him. Maybe you two are not a great match because it seems there's always something that he's doing/done to piss you off and upset you. Maybe your expectations are too high and that's why you keep getting disappointed.

 

I read your post twice - There are alot of red flags throughout it...Things that will lead to bigger problems later.

 

 

Not sure where you got the part about his son doesn't know were are a couple or planning on getting married? His son definately knows we are a couple and he has ALWAYS (well the last few years anyway) wanted us to get married. He is very excited about the wedding and that I am going to be his step mom.

 

 

So which is it? Are my expectations too high and is it just something little that anyone could have forgotten and I overreacted? Or there are a lot of red flags in the situation I described?

[Stockalone]

Is he still on crutches?

 

I don't know what injury he has, but he might have not wanted to crawl out of the truck, then hobble to your car on his crutches to give you a good-bye-kiss. Or he could be taking pain medicine that makes him a bit groggy.

 

Not really good reasons to not give you your kiss, but I wouldn't read too much into it unless that is a recurring pattern. That he "forgets" or simply doesn't care about doing those little things that are important to you.

[dreamergrl]

Lexi I think you're just over reacting. It sounds like you guys got to spend a lot of quality time together, and that's great! Perhaps you're reading too much into things because of what was posted on your other thread? I sometimes do the same, and it makes things worse! You start doing the "what if's" and what not... just sit back and cherish the great time you had together!

[lexi29]

I think you're reading way too much into this. You described a lot of good things and then one bad (which I don't even think is that big a deal). Why are you primarily focused on the one bad thing rather than the many good things?

 

 

 

Ever notice how once you buy a car, you suddenly realize how many other cars like it are on the road, but you never really noticed before? You'll see what you're on the lookout for. If you were on the lookout for him being sweet you'd see those things as well. Again, why are you so hung up on the negative?

 

 

I think I am hung up on the negative because I posted on here yesterday and everyone was saying my fiance is an immature selfish jerk who isn't that into me and I was on the look out for selfish behavior yesterday or signs that he isnt' really into me and it hurt because when he did that it just confirmed to me that he just isn't that into me (even though he said all those sweet things) how can one forget to tell their fiance good night and that they love them? I didn't think I should have to chase him down or stop my car in the middle of the road to remind him of something he normally does every night.

 

You can't get mad at him for doing something you did yourself.

 

 

The difference between me forgetting to call when I get home (which I've done two or three times) is that after I drive a half hour home, a lot of times I am tired or just thinking of other things and when I get home I have pets greeting me and stuff that I have to do before I go to bed and sometimes I will get caught up in that and forget to call him. But I was right there in front of him so its not like he could have forgotten about me because I was right there- he wasn't doing anything else at the time, he just had to move his truck.

[BrooklynBridge]

Yesterday I went to my fiance's house after work (usual). I made him dinner (first time I've made him dinner in awhile) and since he got hurt a week ago I've been helping him out around the house a lot (doing laundry etc) because he has to use crutches. His son has been gone for almost two weeks (comes back tonight) as he's been with his aunt on vacation. It has been nice to have all this alone time with my fiance. We've had sex every day since his son has been gone which has been fun. We've also gone out a few times. We haven't argued at all. Its been very relaxing. Monday night I spent the night at his place. I normally do not stay with him during the week because 1- his son is there and 2- it is about a 45 minute drive to where I work and I live only 10 minutes from work so I'd rather stay at my place. But I wanted to spend more time with him so I stayed. He was suprised and happy.

 

Tuesday morning he told me he loved me and kissed me goodbye before he went to work. We spent tuesday evening together and it was nice- we talked about a lot of things. He said he can't wait to get married to me and that he loves being with me and all these other sweet things. We watched tv and cuddled on the couch. We messed around and I gave him a hj (he didn't ask I just wanted to). He cuddled with me the rest of the night and rubbed my back and was being really sweet. Well I left his house around 10pm and normally he gives me a hug and kiss and tells me "I Love you" before I leave. He had to move his truck so I could back my car out and he walked outside as I went to give him a hug and I just figured he'd come up to my car and give me a kiss before I left (he always does this). Well he didn't. He just got in his truck and moved it and I had to leave (I couldnt stop my car unless I wanted to park it in the middle of the street.) No hug, no kiss no nothing. For some reason this really upset me. I thought he was mad at me because he asked me to spend the night again that night and I wouldn't (too tired and needed sleep) He didn't seem mad but thats all I could come up with. I expected him to call me on my cell as I was driving home and tell me he loves me and sorry he forgot to give me a kiss. Yesterday I started a thread on here wondering if my fiance was selfish or a narcissist. So I was on the lookout for him behaving selfishly and when he did that all i could think is everyone was right, he is just such a selfish bastard!

 

I called him when I got home (I normally do this) and he asked me "Did YOU forget something?" I said no, but you forgot to say bye and give me a hug and he said well why didn't YOU give me one or stop me. He said he totally forgot to give me a kiss and didn't realize it till he was back inside doing dishes. How can you FORGET to give your fiance a kiss bye and tell her you love her when you do it every single day?? He just made a joke of it and said well I'll just give you two kisses tomorrow. I was really upset and he was just like I'm sorry , i forgot what do you want me to say?

 

I was just so mad because we'd gotten along so well and I'd done a lot of nice things for him (spent the night, made him dinner, gave him a hj) and for him to just blow off (or forget) saying bye, I love you etc to me before I left was just wrong in my mind. LIke how could he forget?

 

If I ever left his house without telling him goodbye or even if I forgot to call him to let him know I got home ok (I've done this a few times) he would think I was mad at him or something. Is this just a simple thing that someone could easily forget or is my fiance just too wrapped up in himself?

 

It would irritate me if my fiance reacted this way over something that so doesn't warrant this type of reaction.......

[Nevermind]

I don't think you should marry the guy, but you are overreacting this time.

[lexi29]

Is he still on crutches?

 

I don't know what injury he has, but he might have not wanted to crawl out of the truck, then hobble to your car on his crutches to give you a good-bye-kiss. Or he could be taking pain medicine that makes him a bit groggy.

 

Not really good reasons to not give you your kiss, but I wouldn't read too much into it unless that is a recurring pattern. That he "forgets" or simply doesn't care about doing those little things that are important to you.

 

 

No, not on crutches anymore and not taking any pain meds. You are right I shouldnt worry about it unless it becomes a repeated behavior.

[Jilly Bean]

Honestly, I think the red flags are YOURS. Your reaction is way out of line, IMO.

 

I think if you are going to overreact like that as often as you do, it's going to be a very short marriage.

 

It's like he can't do enough to make you happy, and you still will find something to complain about. What's up with that, Lexi?

[tanbark813]

But I was right there in front of him so its not like he could have forgotten about me because I was right there- he wasn't doing anything else at the time, he just had to move his truck.

 

And you could have pulled to the side of the road and got out to kiss him if it's that important to you.

[sb129]

LExi I think you are over reacting on this one. You said he was hurt. Maybe he was tired or in pain and just forgot.

 

It happens. I think you are in for a rude awakening when you do tie the knot and move in together.

 

I can't help but agree with Hotgurl. What happens when you are living together and these little things become more commonplace- as they do when you co-habit.

My fiance was on crutches a while back, and he really couldn't do anything much, plus the pain meds made him a little more sleepy and forgetful than usual.

 

I think you're reading way too much into this. You described a lot of good things and then one bad (which I don't even think is that big a deal). Why are you primarily focused on the one bad thing rather than the many good things?

You can't get mad at him for doing something you did yourself.

 

TB- you sound JUST like Wonderboy- he has had to call me out on stuff like this, and you are both absolutely right.

We live together, and I have been known to get mad at little things regarding housework and keeping our room tidy, which I actually have done myself. Being a hypocrite doesn't evoke much sympathy from your partner, i can assure you.

 

Most of that we put down to "teething problems" from when we first moved in together- we agreed to both try harder, and to not sweat the small stuff.

 

I am still not perfect in this regard, but I check myself alot more and know that our R is better for it.

[lexi29]

Is he still on crutches?

 

I don't know what injury he has, but he might have not wanted to crawl out of the truck, then hobble to your car on his crutches to give you a good-bye-kiss. Or he could be taking pain medicine that makes him a bit groggy.

 

Not really good reasons to not give you your kiss, but I wouldn't read too much into it unless that is a recurring pattern. That he "forgets" or simply doesn't care about doing those little things that are important to you.

 

And you could have pulled to the side of the road and got out to kiss him if it's that important to you.

 

 

True, very true, but I guess I felt I shouldn't have to beg for a kiss from my own fiance or "remind" him of the ritual. If he had been feeling good feelings toward me (and he SHOULD have since I made him dinner, spent the previous night at his house, gave him a hj, and have been helping him out a lot recently) then he would have WANTED to kiss me good night etc. Its sort of like if you did a bunch of work for a friend or your parents or somebody and you did a lot of nice things for someone and they don't even thank you or forget to thank you. If they forgot they must not have given much thought to what you did for them or they just didnt' appreciate it. THats not the best example but its part of my logic. I guess him doing what he's always done (giving me a kiss, hug, love you) last night would have made me chalk the day up as a good day with him but him forgetting such a thing that is our normal ritual and then once he realized he forgot he didn't even call me then to say love you or sorry for forgetting, (He waited for me to call him) and when I called him he said to me "did YOU forget something" like I am just responsible for everything in this relationship and that got to me. THat he wouldnt just say hey dear sorry I forgot but I love u etc.

 

Wow I am making a way bigger deal out of this then it is. Sorry.

[sb129]

Tell him that too. He will appreciate it.

[Nevermind]

You are jumping to conclusions.

 

If[...] then[...] as if there was no other way. Life is not black or white.

Plus, he just didn't kiss you once. He was not being disrespectful. You did help him a lot, but that doesn't make you entitled to a kiss.

 

He simply forgot. And he will keep forgetting it when you're married. Not every day, maybe, but once in a while. And it will mean nothing most of the time.

A kiss is something both people do. If you wanted a kiss, you should have kissed him.

 

You have many problems with this guy, chose your battles wisely.

[lexi29]

Tell him that too. He will appreciate it.

 

 

unfortunately, I don't want to tell him that. I was appologizing to everyone on here because I was making a big deal out of something that is nothing. That is why I posted- to see other's reactions- is it nothing or actually a legit reason to be upset? I didn't make a huge deal out of it to my fiance last night. I just told him I was upset that he forgot and I'd get over it. I just asked him how he could forget something like that and he said he didnt know. I don't feel I should appologize to him for my feelings on the situation.

[BUENG1]

True, very true, but I guess I felt I shouldn't have to beg for a kiss from my own fiance or "remind" him of the ritual. If he had been feeling good feelings toward me (and he SHOULD have since I made him dinner, spent the previous night at his house, gave him a hj, and have been helping him out a lot recently) then he would have WANTED to kiss me good night etc. Its sort of like if you did a bunch of work for a friend or your parents or somebody and you did a lot of nice things for someone and they don't even thank you or forget to thank you. If they forgot they must not have given much thought to what you did for them or they just didnt' appreciate it. THats not the best example but its part of my logic. I guess him doing what he's always done (giving me a kiss, hug, love you) last night would have made me chalk the day up as a good day with him but him forgetting such a thing that is our normal ritual and then once he realized he forgot he didn't even call me then to say love you or sorry for forgetting, (He waited for me to call him) and when I called him he said to me "did YOU forget something" like I am just responsible for everything in this relationship and that got to me. THat he wouldnt just say hey dear sorry I forgot but I love u etc.

 

Wow I am making a way bigger deal out of this then it is. Sorry.

 

I think he could have just forgot, he could have gotton into his truck to do whatever, and then figured that since he was in his truck and he usually does just leaves after that so he figured he had done everything he usually does and figured he'd just leave.

[sb129]

OK, fair enough. I didn't realise that you had discussed it more on here than with him, sorry..

 

As long as you didn't have a fight about it, then hopefully if there is a next time you wont get as upset.

[Nevermind]

No, you shouldn't apologize for your feelings.

 

But your huge reaction to this is a sign that you sense something is off. Your relationship (from other posts) is really not in a good stage to get married soon. How will you go on about him? Post here whenever he does something that is just plain selfish or leaves you out? You need to communicate with the guy, set boundaries, understand your own feelings etc.

[tanbark813]

TB- you sound JUST like Wonderboy

 

Then he must be an extraordinary man.

 

and when I called him he said to me "did YOU forget something" like I am just responsible for everything in this relationship

 

IMO, you're both responsible for that end of the night ritual. I don't think you can put any more of the blame on him than you can on yourself. It takes two to tango.

[sb129]

You need to communicate with the guy, set boundaries, understand your own feelings etc.

 

I agree with this.

[sb129]

Then he must be an extraordinary man.

.

 

He is. He is Wonder-ful.

 

I need someone like that to tell me to pull my head in now and then. Its good for me.