notagain2372 Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Not proud to say but I have been married three times. First time to my high school love which I have 2 children. Second time, OH MY, was that a mistake! Lasted only 3 months. And now, I thought was the man of my dreams. Good christian man, good morals, loves my children. Dated 2 years, supported me in everything I done, married 1 year and it is a joke! He complains every breath he takes. Never has a kind word about anyone. It is to the point I can't stand to be around him. He is jealous of my son. He expects me to wait on him hand and foot. Which I don't mind if he contributed a little to my needs. He is always hateful and grouchy. He thinks because he works and contributes money that is enough. I should be grateful and tells me repeatedly I have never had it so good. I have tried to talk to him and he gets angry and tells me I am blaming him for everthing. I don't know what to do. Do I want to leave? Yes...No. My children have been through hell and we are finally settled and seems it has all fell apart. I keep away from him as much as possible. I keep the kids busy so they don't make him angry, cause that lasts for days. He pouts, he bitches, he moans and groans. LOVES to tell other people what to do. I am a very independant woman, have raised my kids practically on my own for many years. I am not a crying type of woman and his first wife was and I think he likes that. I bite back I don't give up easy, contribute that to my second marriage where I had to be tough and hit back or die. I love this man, or the man he use to be, I don't even like the man he is today. Yes I have told him on many occasion how I feel and it goes in one ear and out the other. I have a comfortable life. There is no excitement in my marriage what so ever. I don't talk because I always say something to set him off and he pouts. It's his way or no way and that is how I deal with letting him have his way. I shut down. In the first six months I could turn it on and off and deal with it, now I just shut down and walk away. Find something else to do besides be with him. I did that in my first marriage til it died and I rebelled like a sixteen year old with their parents. I found what would make me happy. I am a touchy, lovey kind of person. I have to have that to feel secure and loved. It has been 3 weeks since the man even kissed me on the cheek. It's like living in a convent/prison. But that's my fault he says. One of my rules is "you must give to recieve". Guess what? He is not recieving anything from me. I will not scratch his back and get nothing in return. Repeatedly I have given it up and tried to love and pet, nothing in return in a couple days... Thats all of that. Did I mention I am a bit stubborn? I have put up with alot of crap over the years and my patience has gotten a little thin. Be the first to admit that. I didn't marry this man to be his maid or his mother. That is not what marriage is to me. I married this man, after he litterally begged me for a year and actually twisted my arm to get me to say "I Do", because of his support and love for me and my children, his faith in God, and his willingness to always be better. Yes I know he loves me and the kids, he is the biggest hypocrite(is that spelled right) when it comes to church, cusses like a sailor, judges everyone, lies, he still wants better - if someone else will work for it while he tells them how to do it. I don't know what else to do. I can't talk to anyone about it he will get really mad if he found out and whine that much more. I have left twice(not that my children know)and he has called everyone we know(my mom, my dad, my sister) looking for me saying he is going to kill himself if I leave. Of course they freak out and they are pulled into my personal business. He will be great for a week or so and right back to the same crap. I found long ago that life is too short to be miserable and whatever it takes,if it is the Lord's will, I will not be miserable. I have suggested counciling, yea that didn't go over well. I am begining to think the man is bipolar, he is fine one minute and in a rage the next. Always laughing and cutting up with everyone around him but when he comes home it stops at the door. Does anyone have ANY advice on what I can do to save my marriage as well as my sanity???
Keridan Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 I just signed up to this forum today or I would have responded to this immediately! What you are describing is a manipulative, dangerous guy. He doesn't sound like he's bipolar, but maybe has borderline personality disorder. It can definately cause someone to behave that way. Someone like this is not likely to get better. I'm sorry. I get the feeling you've dealt with more than a few guys like this in your past experiences. However, I'm sure he likely is worth fighting for or you would not have posted in here looking for help. I also think you wouldn't have entered your third marriage if you didn't see something different about him than the last two. My advice is to seek counseling on two different fronts. You need a situation where there is a mediator while you try to get across to him how he is making you feel and the difference between who he is and who he was. Then at the same time, someone has to be working with him privately to address what's making him behave that way. There are miracle techniques, drugs, and therapies that could make all the difference. In fact, since you are so religous, you might see if there is a marriage encounter group at your church. My parents-in-law say they went through some really hard times until they found this group at their church. If you choose to stay with him, make it contingent on getting help from one source or another. You can't keep going like it is and if just talking it through was going to help, you'd be living on cloud 9 by now. I really wish you all the best and hope you find the answers you need! I hope I was even the slightest of helps.
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