saraispiel19 Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Well me and my spouse have been together for about 3 years we have a daughter (who was planned) who is 1. He works a lot and gets really stressed. Last week i installed a spyware on my PC to my shock i found memberships to discreetsex.com and other casual sex date pages and what not- he had various profiles and email accounts i did not know of- and this is comming from a man who would always accuse me of cheating on him (which i never did). So i left the house with child and all and told him to get out in a note. Today I am back home and hes told me that he did not follow through with the dates or whatever and has not cheated on me- like having sex with anyone else, kissing or meeting up with the dates (i really doubt it) but he is willing to take a lie detector test, go through counciling, etc. My husband really wants me back and it seems to be genuine because the past few days he has been acting a lot more affectionate, caring, a lot less angry and frustraded but i don't buy it i still remember all those emails and pictures... Well i don't know what to do- he made himself out to be so honest with me and i believed him. Has anyone else gone through this? oh jeeze. help me please.
foxy12 Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 i went through same trhing with my ex anything your mate wont or cant do in front of you is cheating my ex was visting sex .com and hookup websites he lied about them of course i think he was is an addict now hes dating a stripper - i have my own ****ed up situation on here but i felt very hurt and betrayed when i found out he was looking at and registered on these web sites - i do believe some times that the internet is the devil it is so easy to find someone who doesnt give a **** about themselves or others to cheat with you dont have to go to a bar anymore -
foxy12 Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 also i forgot if he is willing to go through therapy thats a good sign i hope it works out - if thats what you want.
Tripper Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 SS, Ask your H how he would feel if you were doing the same thing. I would bet that if he found out you had hung a profile on a hook up site he would flip out and accuse you of cheating.
Author saraispiel19 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 SS, Ask your H how he would feel if you were doing the same thing. I would bet that if he found out you had hung a profile on a hook up site he would flip out and accuse you of cheating. yep i did say that and he fully understands- he's not being passive aggressive he's practically walking on eggshells with me and in constant on how i'm feeling-- i mean he's being the best guy he can be.. but is it all an act?
Tripper Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Is it an act?? You've caught him doing what he darn well knows he shouldn't be doing and he knows your pissed. He has to tread very carefully now. I think you need to have a discussion about WHY he is doing this. Porn/sex addiction?? Midlife crisis? Thrill of flirting and sexual behaviour in the anonymity of the 'net? Unhappy in the M? Maybe he considers it harmless fun. He may or may not open up truthfully to you or you may not like the answers you get. Just as important is how is he going to abstain from this behaviour?? or how will you know he's stopped??
Author saraispiel19 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 I think you need to have a discussion about WHY he is doing this...... Just as important is how is he going to abstain from this behaviour?? or how will you know he's stopped?? he told me because one day a pop up came up and he was curious and it went out of control from then on. We're going to start going to counciling and well he'll take the polography test i guess and jeeze i really hate this situation. I'm a sweet girl i really am, i gave him a lot of myself actually all of me- i just feel so devestaded he would betray me like this.
Tripper Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 he told me because one day a pop up came up and he was curious and it went out of control from then on. We're going to start going to counciling and well he'll take the polography test i guess and jeeze i really hate this situation. I'm a sweet girl i really am, i gave him a lot of myself actually all of me- i just feel so devestaded he would betray me like this. SS, yes, it is a lousy situation. BUT there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can benefit from MC as long as all parties are honest and want to strengthen the M. And part of that is making him understand that tho' there wasn't actual cheating, you still are devastated and feel betrayed. I'm a bit suspicious about the "I was curious and it go out of control" part. That sounds like addictive behaviour. You can see where that goes in MC. Good Luck.
RavenHair Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 SS, Ask your H how he would feel if you were doing the same thing. I would bet that if he found out you had hung a profile on a hook up site he would flip out and accuse you of cheating. You can't really ask men (no offense) to try to see things from your side. They don't do that. The only way they'll know how it feels is if it's done to them...that's how it works. Then they'll dump YOU because you're doing the wrong thing...kind of like he did...double standards - gotta love em
Author saraispiel19 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 double standards - gotta love em my husband was the king of double standards but guys i mean he's changed so much so very much hes so sweet so gentle-- i'm shocked really. We're definately going to marriage counciling and see how things work from there.. Thank you guys so very much.
justaman99 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 See how the counseling goes and see how he behaves. Be open about what you're feeling and if he starts going back to that same BS it's done. It's a good sign that he wants to do it and is taking that initiative. it means he cares about you and wants to work on the problem. I admire him for that. Lose the idea of it being an act for now and roll with it. I wish you well. -Just
vivrantflo Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Last week i installed a spyware on my PC to my shock i found memberships to discreetsex.com and other casual sex date pages and what not- he had various profiles and email accounts i did not know of- and this is comming from a man who would always accuse me of cheating on him (which i never did). In my experiences, the partner that constantly accuses the other of cheating... is usually the perpetrator themselves.... If you two were just dating, I'd say drop him.. cause most people who do cheat, never tell the 100% true story... But you're married, and share a child. Marriage counciling is definately worth it in this situation, and I wish you two the best!!
porter218 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Agreeing to a lie detector test doesn't mean much. He sounds a lot like my husband a few years back. My husband accused me of cheating all the time, and when evidence that he may have tried to cheat fell in my lap...he just said he didn't follow through with it, he would take a lie detector test, he said he couldn't do it because he has a conscience blah blah blah. He acted like an angel and kissed the ground I walked on. Then 2 weeks later I went to the doctor for my 6 week post delivery exam(i had just had our son) and found out he gave me an STD:sick:. All of that talk was slick game to calm me down and make it seem possible he was still faithful. I think he was under the impression that if I really went through with the lie detector test he could beat it...never had to bother with it though.
Keridan Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 I know this thread is a little old, but I wanted to chime in when I read it. I think your husband is a butthead who failed to consider your feelings when he knew darn well it would have torn him apart in reverse. The good news is that he has a loving and understanding wife and he's not a total idiot. He realizes he was a bad boy and is willing to improve. That's HUGE in comparison to your usual butthead. Most people (who would do something like this)would have just reacted like an idiot and tried to turn it around on you or just been pissy. He owned up to screwing up. I'd say that speaks in his defense. Go to counseling. It sounds like a good idea anytime. Keep an eye out for further screw ups. And most importantly, tell him how this makes you feel. If you forgive him but then two weeks later feel insecure or pissed all over again, tell him that. He's lucky to have a wife who would work with him after a screw up that big. Good for you and I wish you the best of luck!
Recommended Posts