Author shadowplay Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 I was going to stay out of this thread because the disingenuousness of the original question was irritating. (I have a build very similar to yours and I know damn well that it is attractive even though there are some who prefer heavier/slimmer builds.) The post above by TBF is spot on and something to consider very carefully. Not only in terms of how destructive it is to yourself to see all your self-worth tied to your physical self, but what you are missing out by not being able to form close friendships with other women. p.s. Why isn't this in the "Physical Fitness" forum? It's not about dating. I suspect the answer also goes to your need for validation. You can't read my mind so you have no way of knowing how disingenuous I was being. Just because you feel secure with your body, doesn't mean everyone who has a build like yours will. I was actually diagnosed with Body Dysmorphia by two separate therapists when I was 19. I feel like it's pointless to defend my honesty, because you guys will just dismiss anything I say. Fact is I've been a lot more candid on this board over the last year than I have to anyone else in my life, including my therapist.
StartingOver07 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 You can't read my mind so you have no way of knowing how disingenuous I was being. Just because you feel secure with your body, doesn't mean everyone who has a build like yours will. I was actually diagnosed with Body Dysmorphia by two separate therapists when I was 19. I feel like it's pointless to defend my honesty, because you guys will just dismiss anything I say. Fact is I've been a lot more candid on this board over the last year than I have to anyone else in my life, including my therapist. You misunderstand. It's not a matter of being secure about my body. I have more than my fair share of insecurities. But in a world where most people are overweight and out of shape, I also understand that posting a picture of a slim, curvaceous, in shape woman and asking for compliments will be perceived as disingenuous. Edited to add: If you have BDD then this is something to discuss with your therapist.
carhill Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Yeah, I am. But I haven't talked about my insecurities much with her. I just find it a pretty embarrassing subject. Um, that's the whole point of therapy. Raw honesty and introspection. "Fear" is not a bad word and is only destructive if it is hidden. Embrace your insecurities, expound them, release them. Then, write a book
Trialbyfire Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Fact is I've been a lot more candid on this board over the last year than I have to anyone else in my life, including my therapist. Fact is that you're still not being totally honest and if you're hiding from your therapist, therapy will do you no good at all! Damn it all, shadow. You've got so much going for you. Why do you play games like this with everyone and worse yet, yourself? Stop wasting your God given talents and positive attributes and start seriously and honestly working on what's inside of you that requires this vampiric need for positive external validation. You've been on LS long enough to know that the level of denial you continuously portray, won't do you a spot of good in the long run.
Pluto Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I'm just letting Shadow know that she looks fine- that I have seen grossly skinny, and been too skinny- and her body looks great in the picture- meaning there is no need for her to get upset about comments about her weight. The fashion mags aren't something any woman should realistically compare themselves to. Up close and in person- it aint pretty...believe me. I am using the point to actually illustrate that it ISN'T attractive to be overly skinny. For me, settling out at 125lbs is my goal. She shouldn't be worried about her weight, she is skinny, if she loses any more weight, she'd snap in half at the slightest contact. Women do compare themselves to fashion magazines, I have never understood why women choose to be stick thin, I think its disgusting and off putting. You look fine in your picture, but I am just startled that curves are considered fat nowadays, I love curvy women, slim and slender is great too, skinny not to bad, but if I was a woman, I'd dye to have a curvy body.
D-Lish Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Women do compare themselves to fashion magazines, I have never understood why women choose to be stick thin, I think its disgusting and off putting. That is the sad truth- many women do compare themselves to the stick thin models in the magazines and revere the hollywood celebs that appear in the media. The notion that being stick thin is attractive is perpetuated by our media.... and as a result too many young women develop a false notion of what beauty actually is. My ex mother-in-law used to tell me I was overweight when I was 130lbs... She was relentless with her criticisms to myself and her own two daughters (a wicked woman). I developed such a complex that I began starving myself just to gain her approval. It's sick what some people feel they have the right to say- not realizing how harmful their comments can be. It took me two years of therapy to undo the damage those comments did to my self esteem and body image. Now that I have left the fashion industry, I have a much better outlook on life. I was once willing to trade my health and well being to be something I thought was attractive. Men do like curves and some meat on a woman's bones.
electric_sheep Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 She shouldn't be worried about her weight, she is skinny, if she loses any more weight, she'd snap in half at the slightest contact. Actually, she is worried she is too skinny, so you are just validating that. Actually, we think there are self-esteem issues, and she knows she isn't too skinny, but in fact a hottie, and just wants validation. So, I'll step out on a limb and validate her. You look great! I'd love it if my gf was in your kind of shape. Now, OP, stop worrying about what you look like so much and be happy with yourself! Don't let the socialization/brainwashing process get you down. You should google on "beyond self-esteem", and read some Albert Ellis. Stop rating yourself and others. Nothing good comes from it. Human beings are too complicated to evaluate and rate according to some arbitrary scale. Our society brainwashes women into thinking their "value" or "worth" is completely dependent on their looks. Men are brainwashed into thinking their "value" comes from how much money they make, and how emotionally tough and "strong" they are. Don't let anyone/anything/society convince you of the validity of their arbitrary measuring stick. It's arbitrary. All of it. Life isn't a competition, it's an experience. We're all in this together, and we all have intrinsic value by virtue of participation.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 That is the sad truth- many women do compare themselves to the stick thin models in the magazines and revere the hollywood celebs that appear in the media. The notion that being stick thin is attractive is perpetuated by our media.... and as a result too many young women develop a false notion of what beauty actually is. My ex mother-in-law used to tell me I was overweight when I was 130lbs... She was relentless with her criticisms to myself and her own two daughters (a wicked woman). I developed such a complex that I began starving myself just to gain her approval. It's sick what some people feel they have the right to say- not realizing how harmful their comments can be. It took me two years of therapy to undo the damage those comments did to my self esteem and body image. Now that I have left the fashion industry, I have a much better outlook on life. I was once willing to trade my health and well being to be something I thought was attractive. Men do like curves and some meat on a woman's bones. First of all, I'm so happy to see some of the responses from men as to what they find attractive. Healthy bodies are in demand! The last time I went to LA I felt so fat at first. I was a good 15-20 pounds heavier than the sticks I saw hobbling around on their Jimmy Choo's. I thought that so many of these women looked unnaturally skinny, drawn out, unsexy, and trying too hard. I felt sad for them. I could not eat six grapes for lunch and a half breast of chicken for dinner! Well guess who met A LOT of men? I was very surprised at how often I got hit on. I assumed because I was bigger than the norm there that I would be seen as unattractive, but I was not. Shadow, do you exercise? I find that exercise makes me feel better about my body. I'm always trying to lose 10 pounds. Sometimes I have body confidence and sometimes I don't. However, I do work out regularly. I swim, run and do weights. Exercise makes me feel really good about my body. I am strong and in shape, and that boosts confidence.
D-Jam Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I know everyone's preferences are different, but do you guys think I'm too thin? http://img76.imageshack.us/img76/963/meaq3.jpg I like the weight I'm at now, but sometimes other people make comments like "you're so skinny" and it kind of disturbs me. You look great. Very sexy body.
porter218 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I know everyone's preferences are different, but do you guys think I'm too thin? http://img76.imageshack.us/img76/963/meaq3.jpg I like the weight I'm at now, but sometimes other people make comments like "you're so skinny" and it kind of disturbs me. I think you are slender but still healthy looking. Your weight suits you well. However I am getting the sense that you would have been thrilled to see everybody say "OMG you are too thin". I don't know why but I am definitely getting that feeling from your post.
Jilly Bean Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I think you are all missing the point here. SP has admitted she has body dysmorphia. If you don't know what that is, the definition is (according to Wiki), "Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a mental disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by an imagined or minor defect in his or her physical features". Just giving your opinions on her body and pandering to this post is only feeding her mental condition, which is akin to pouring cocktail for an alcoholic.
D-Jam Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I can understand it being a disorder if she's suddenly starving herself to the point of getting sick, or killing herself in he gym, or doing things that hurt herself in order to be thin and skinny. However, I don't like it when "experts" pull out men and women who are overweight and try to make it seem like it's perfectly ok and they are "beautiful on the inside", when they should more show some actual truth. 1) Most men aren't after super thin models. I know I'm not. Girl I am interested in right now isn't super thin and athletic. She's pretty nonetheless and very sweet. We like some curves, some T&A. 2) Most men aren't into very large women. So when the hippo of a woman is on Oprah being told she's beautiful and the world is shallow...in the end many men won't be into her because of her weight. It's not just some skinny thing as it is also the concern with having a healthy spouse down the road. What man or woman would want to marry someone who will gain 200 lbs in 10 years? I think women need to put away the fashion magazines and stop thinking that this is what men want. I've met plenty of aspiring models, and in my opinion they are just too damn skinny. I'd rather date a girl with the curvy pornstar body over the skinny fashion model body. You women need to stop thinking that men will reject you if you don't look physically perfect when naked, or will reject you because you don't have a flawless bikini bod. If you meet a guy who is that particular, then feel better when he rejects you. Know that if you were in a relationship with him it would just be a misery. In the end, I just think we need to push HEALTHY. Show the range of HEALTHY out there and prove it's not about being some swimmer's body or model's body, but it's not about pushing an arse the size of a Buick. If she truly believes she has a disorder, then she should get help. However, if this is just the basic insecurities women have...then she needs to deal with them.
Carmen87 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Uh curvy pornstar body? Puhleeze, those girls are just as thin as the Hollywood celebrities. People need to just stop comparing such as saying " I want a girl with more of a pornstar type body" "I want someone built like a model." That only makes people's confidence even worse.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 If you meet a guy who is that particular, then feel better when he rejects you. Know that if you were in a relationship with him it would just be a misery. . I have a very good friend whose husband stopped having sex with her when she went from a size 2 to a 6. She actually looked better as a 6. He told her he wasn't attracted anymore. How rejected did she feel? She ended up losing the weight but they got divorced anyway. She's with a much nicer chap now.
D-Jam Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Uh curvy pornstar body? Puhleeze, those girls are just as thin as the Hollywood celebrities. People need to just stop comparing such as saying " I want a girl with more of a pornstar type body" "I want someone built like a model." That only makes people's confidence even worse. My apologies. I was looking for some "pretty" version of the female body where it's not required that she be super-thin. Olivia O'Lovely came to mind. "Pornstar" wasn't the right word to use. I just was more trying to tell that men aren't as picky on if she's got a perfect flat tummy, big firm breasts, and a hard butt as many women want to believe. However, many of us just aren't into the very large women. That was my point. Apologies for the confusion.
Trialbyfire Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I think you are all missing the point here. SP has admitted she has body dysmorphia. If you don't know what that is, the definition is (according to Wiki), "Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a mental disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by an imagined or minor defect in his or her physical features". Just giving your opinions on her body and pandering to this post is only feeding her mental condition, which is akin to pouring cocktail for an alcoholic. It's more than Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). I'm no professional but the power portion stems from something else.
Jilly Bean Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 It's more than Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). I'm no professional but the power portion stems from something else. Oh, agreed her pathology is far-reaching and bodes of many other diagnoses, but in this regard as it relates to this particular post, the need to publish a pic of yourself in order to solicit comments/compliments from strangers online directly relates to her (again, self-admitted) BDD.
Tony T Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 I know everyone's preferences are different, but do you guys think I'm too thin? http://img76.imageshack.us/img76/963/meaq3.jpg( Clearly your weight is OK...however, I'd like to see an image of your face to see if you might be too beautiful for your own good!
Trialbyfire Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Oh, agreed her pathology is far-reaching and bodes of many other diagnoses, but in this regard as it relates to this particular post, the need to publish a pic of yourself in order to solicit comments/compliments from strangers online directly relates to her (again, self-admitted) BDD. I was reading up about BDD and it's suggested that CBT has a pretty decent success rate. I hope that shadow is seriously rethinking being open and honest with her therapist, so he/she can do some real good, rather than provide another mirror.
Citizen Erased Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 I think you are slender but still healthy looking. Your weight suits you well. However I am getting the sense that you would have been thrilled to see everybody say "OMG you are too thin". I don't know why but I am definitely getting that feeling from your post. Pretty much the impression I got. Not the first nor the last person to do something like that on here. Maybe I should take a photo of my boobs and start a thread asking if you all think they are too big.
Sks Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 You are too thin but its just in my opinion, the most attractive females are not super skinny and are moderately muscular(not steroid freak show).
Legend Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 you're body is PERFECT the ideal that every woman should have in my opinion. people that say you're 'too skinny' are jealous cuz they're lil faties.
BlueEyedGirl Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Somehow I bet that shadowplay took a number of pictures that day and then selected the most attractive one.
Carmen87 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 My apologies. I was looking for some "pretty" version of the female body where it's not required that she be super-thin. Olivia O'Lovely came to mind. "Pornstar" wasn't the right word to use. I just was more trying to tell that men aren't as picky on if she's got a perfect flat tummy, big firm breasts, and a hard butt as many women want to believe. However, many of us just aren't into the very large women. That was my point. Apologies for the confusion. It's ok I get a little hyped up over such issues, even though I really have nothing to worry about.
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