Karyyk Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I went drinking tonight. All was well until I got home and realized that $500+ worth of crap had been stolen out of my friend's car (he apparently didn't lock it). I snapped tonight, big time. I started tearing things up, throwing things to the ground (all inanimate), cursing out loud, cursing God, ending friendships. I called into work and told everyone to **** themselves. I'm probably without a job tomorrow. I snapped. I can't go on like this. I want to just die. I'm not good for anyone, not even myself. What is the point? There isn't one.
sailing Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Please don't beat yourself up! After all, you made me write my first post (though I'm not sure it will show up as the first reply). Evoking empathy must be a good thing, surely? It's good for me. Tomorrow, yes you may just have to pick up the pieces and start again. Part of you is aware that is the only way forward, even though you feel like giving up. One day you will feel better, that I hope and believe.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I went drinking tonight. All was well until I got home and realized that $500+ worth of crap had been stolen out of my friend's car (he apparently didn't lock it). I snapped tonight, big time. I started tearing things up, throwing things to the ground (all inanimate), cursing out loud, cursing God, ending friendships. I called into work and told everyone to **** themselves. I'm probably without a job tomorrow. I snapped. I can't go on like this. I want to just die. I'm not good for anyone, not even myself. What is the point? There isn't one. I don't know what to say but I am going to try. Lots of people snap from time to time. You didn't physically hurt anyone or yourself so you are going to be okay. You will probably need to do some apologizing and if you've lost your job get a new one. I think you should not drink until you are sure you are feeling better. Alcohol is a depressant and hangovers make the best of us cranky. Try to figure out what is bothering you and face it. Write it out if you have to. The only way to get out is through. It's going to be okay and I think you'll find your friends will forgive you. This song helps me when I'm feeling like you are. Feel better please.
Nevermind Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Hey karyyk, you are good for other people. You gave me good advice and kind words when I needed them. Don't be too harsh on yourself, you're a good person. I agree with Charlotte, take some time to figure out why you snapped like this and why you called work etc. Apologize to those that you want to apologize to (maybe you also called someone who actually deserved it? ) and try to be good to yourself. (hug)
motive2002 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Karyyk, like others have said, you've been very helpful around here to others going through rough times. I just hope that we can help you through yours. You are here and you are good to others. I've seen it. I just hope somehow you can see it in yourself. I snapped as well at one point. It was ugly. Alcohol was involved. I'm damn lucky to still be alive. Stay off the drinks for a while if you can. It only makes things worse, you can trust me on that one.
replicator Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Hang in there man.. I can tell by your previous posts you are a genuinely good guy.. Bad things sometimes happen to good people, and we aren't perfect. We make mistakes. Sometimes very big mistakes. Things may be rough, but you'll get through it. I find myself snapping a lot at people too, especially those close to me. When things aren't going your way, a little push can send you over the edge if you're not careful. Take a deep breath and take it one step at a time.
burning 4 revenge Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I think its healthy to snap from time to time. Im subdued and more passive aggressive. Ill say mean things and write mean things, but Im not very emotive and I don't think its been psychologically healthy in some ways. Maybe even physically unhealthy in some ways
Author Karyyk Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 Try to figure out what is bothering you and face it. Write it out if you have to. The only way to get out is through. The question is, what *ISN'T* bothering me right now? I hate my job, but I can't get anything better. This may not be an issue, but by the sound of things, I didn't get fired.Obviously (since I'm here), my love life is in shambles. Everything I get myself into never works out, and I'm tired of trying. The problem is, I'm tired of being alone too.Financially speaking, I'm a mess. A huge mess. I can barely keep my head above the debt. It's not a huge amount of money, but it seems like I can never really do much to get rid of it, despite the fact that my bills are fairly meager. Something always comes up (car breaking down, crap like today, etc.) that costs me an arm and a leg.Yeah, I mentioned the car breaking down, right? Yeah, it did that again...New place to live. My current living situation is not good. Basically, I don't know where to start. I know I need to take one thing at a time, but it just seems like too much right now. I don't know what to do. It doesn't even feel like I'm thinking straight anymore. I need to pull myself together again, but after today, I just want to withdraw for a while.
Kamille Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Karyyk I am so sorry you are going through a rough time. It's the wee hours of the morning where I am and I'm still up because I'm under a lot of financial stress... That's what I get I guess for being a student: I love what I study but am definitely overworked, can't maintain a relationship because it makes me move around too much, have tons of debt, hardly any income but at least my 95 Corolla is still tinkling along (not that I can afford gaz!). I can only wish you the best, wish you some kind of stroke of luck.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 The question is, what *ISN'T* bothering me right now?Try making a list of what is good too... I hate my job, but I can't get anything better. This may not be an issue, but by the sound of things, I didn't get fired.Why can't you get a better job? It's good that you aren't fired, but whats holding you back? Maybe you can focus on doing something to change that. I have been looking for a new job latley and I've found that it's hard but not impossible. Obviously (since I'm here), my love life is in shambles. Everything I get myself into never works out, and I'm tired of trying. The problem is, I'm tired of being alone too.I'm in the same boat and I just keep reminding myself to keep the eye on the prize so to speak. Someday someone is going to love you properly. I've read your other posts and it looks like you needed some time to heal from one of your last relationships. Are you actually ready for something new? I know you are working on it if not and you'll get there. Financially speaking, I'm a mess. A huge mess. I can barely keep my head above the debt. It's not a huge amount of money, but it seems like I can never really do much to get rid of it, despite the fact that my bills are fairly meager. Something always comes up (car breaking down, crap like today, etc.) that costs me an arm and a leg.The curse of the single middle class. I know how you feel. Do you have anytime for a second job for a bit? Can you cut down any expenses to save? If not maybe it really is time for a new job. Do you have a trade or career or is it just a job? Yeah, I mentioned the car breaking down, right? Yeah, it did that again...It is like cars know when the worst time to break down is. New place to live. My current living situation is not good.Why is it bad? Roomates, location, cost? am leaving my apartment this week because I'm unhappy here. Are you looking for a new place? Whats in the way? Basically, I don't know where to start. I know I need to take one thing at a time, but it just seems like too much right now. I don't know what to do. It doesn't even feel like I'm thinking straight anymore. I need to pull myself together again, but after today, I just want to withdraw for a while.If you need to take some space do it but try to do some of the things that you can control to change the situation. That is what has been making me feel better. I am in a really bad place as well but I'm able to keep my head up because I know I am doing everything I can. I have a little story. I don't know if it will help but its true. Years ago I was in an abusive relationship that I couldn't get out of. One particular day I decided to pack a bag and run off. I had no money, no car, no job (he wouldn't let me keep one) and it was cold outside. I had a broken rib (I didn't know it yet) and I was 3 months pregnant with a child I lost soon after. I walked pretty far to a phone and the girlfriend I called to pick me up wasn't home. Things could not have been worse and I came close to contemplating suicide. I was exhausted so I went into a patch of woods behind the plaza I called from. I laid my head on my bag and drifted to sleep. I didn't have very much in my bag. A change of clothes, extra socks, my wallet and a small pad and pencil (I have always been an artist). When I awoke it was snowing. The bare trees were covered in the most beautiful soft snow. The sun was shining all over the scene. It was cold enough to snow but still warm somehow... I took out my pad and pencil and drew the scene. Afterward I realized that it didn't matter how bad life seemed because I still had joy within myself. It's going to be okay. There is a point.
Ariadne Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Yeah, The hell with everything. If they fire you that's even better, you won't have to go to work. And love is too complicated. The best is not to care anymore. Then you have no problems.
Author Karyyk Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 The best is not to care anymore. Then you have no problems. I've tried not to care before. It didn't work very well. In fact, I think I'm more or less incapable of not caring. In some ways I'd be much better off (financially in particular) if I didn't. I can't really be that guy though (I hate those guys), so I'm going to have to scratch that. Why can't you get a better job? It's good that you aren't fired, but whats holding you back? Maybe you can focus on doing something to change that. I have been looking for a new job latley and I've found that it's hard but not impossible. Basically I have been looking. The problem is that every job I qualify either pays less, or it's a contract position for 6-12 months, no benefits, no overtime and no guarantee of re-employment after the contract period. I'm burned-out so completely on the job I have, but I can't see myself leaving it unless it's for a position where I'm actually going to make more money. I know money isn't the most important thing in the world, but since my debts are among the biggest stressors in my life, less money coming in would make my situation only worse. I'm in the same boat and I just keep reminding myself to keep the eye on the prize so to speak. Someday someone is going to love you properly. I've read your other posts and it looks like you needed some time to heal from one of your last relationships. Are you actually ready for something new? I know you are working on it if not and you'll get there. I'm not ready at all. I honestly am not sure when I'll be healed-up sufficiently, but I have a feeling I've got a long way to go with that. If I became involved with someone else on a romantic level right now, I'm really not sure I'd be very good for them, so I'm trying to avoid that for now. I would like to meet someone, but I'm afraid of falling for them and just making another huge mess out of it. I'm not sure I can take another situation like that this year. The curse of the single middle class. I know how you feel. Do you have anytime for a second job for a bit? Can you cut down any expenses to save? If not maybe it really is time for a new job. Do you have a trade or career or is it just a job? I could definitely cut down on my expenses, as I've been spending way too much lately. I know I need to and can do better with that, and I intend to. Spending money has always been one of my unhealthy methods of coping (I even like shopping...not good), and the spending has only gone up with my increased drinking. I need to stop that. As for a part time job, right now, as long as where I'm working where I am, I do have the opportunity for a good bit of overtime. As long as that's available, time and a half sounds a lot better than the $8 or so I'd get from a part-time job around here. If there's one good aspect of my current job, that's it (despite the fact that I'm criminally underpaid for my position). I guess now I can say that I have a "trade." I basically work in an IT department under client technologies. Basically it just means that I'm a jack of all trades who gets stuck with a lot of the crap no one else will do. Honestly though, I've never really seen it as anything more than a job. After spending three years doing it, I can't see myself being in the IT world for life. The stress levels, the way people only call when they have a problem, the expectation to work miracles with next to no time frame, it's a stressful job. Why is it bad? Roomates, location, cost? am leaving my apartment this week because I'm unhappy here. Are you looking for a new place? Whats in the way? Well, to make a long story short, after my last roommate left, I could no longer afford rent, so I had to move back in to my mother's house. I love my mother dearly, and the situation here really isn't awful (I life with my mother and nephew), but just living here is almost a constant reminder of just how far away I am from where I want to be. At 30, living with my mother, I feel like a failure. She honestly could use my help as she's getting older, but the fact is that lately I think I'm hurting more than I'm helping. She doesn't need to see me falling apart like this. As for finding another place, I can't really afford it on my own. I was going to move in with my brother and a friend a while back, but that fell through and nothing else has really materialized since then. None of my friends really need a roommate, so I'm kind of stuck, and don't want to do the random roommate thing. I have a little story. I don't know if it will help but its true. Thanks for that. I almost feel bad about complaining so much. Sometimes you don't realize how much others have gone through when you're the one going through it I guess. There does have to be a point. I just wish I knew what it was. Adding to the horror that was this day, after posting here and sending a couple of e-mails, I basically fell asleep on the couch and fell asleep hard. Apparently a friend of mine was worried since I wasn't answering my phone and drove here. He kept knocking, but apparently I was so deep in slumber that I didn't even hear. The next thing that I know is that I'm waking up to a bunch of cops and EMT's storming into my house (they broke through my door). I pop up from the couch and was like, what in the hell?!? By some stupid law they had to cart me off to the hospital to get me checked out and to deem that I wasn't really suicidal. Needless to say it was one of the more humiliating things that's happened in my life. I actually thought the whole thing was kind of funny as it was happening, but after the fact, yeah, not so much. I understood why he did what he did, but I'm not very happy about that outcome. At least they didn't commit me I guess. I'm sure that the humiliation will continue tomorrow at work. More fun to be sure.
underpants Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Karryk, Dang. When it rains, it pours. We all face disappointments at varying stages in life. Part and parcel of being human I guess. The trick is how you respond to it. You situation isn't good, but like you said it could be worse. It reads as though you are hitting your head against a wall and can't understand why it hurts. This could indicate that it is time to change directions in some areas. It might a good time to think about a different direction for your future. You say the IT thing isn't so fun. What would be fun? Yes, stop spending excess money on drinking and if you want to rant and rave about the unfairness of life (nothing wrong with that). Then at least find a positive outlet for it. Excercise, then you get a healthier body. Gardening, your Mom would probably love that and it is a sense of accompolishment. These suggestions or something else might put you in a better frame of mind to tackle the larger issues that seem to burden you. Chin up.
motive2002 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 but after today, I just want to withdraw for a while. Great! Do it! It's ok to be a hermit once in a while. This will sound weird but do you have a shower with a tub in it? I have a stress relieving method that works for me 100% of the time. Get in the shower, get cleaned up etc.. now before you shut it off.. lay back in the tub.. lift your legs up with the help of your arms, and get your feet right directly under the shower head and let the warm water pound into the bottom of your feet. I'm sure this could be managed other ways, and not everyone is flexible enough (or has a tub to begin with) but getting that water pounding directly on the bottom of your feet like that will melt stress away like no other method I've tried. Alternatively you can get a foot or neck massage, if your in touch with a massage therapist, or have a friend willing to do it on a more amateur scale. Massage would be the best stress reliver I think, plus you get the benefit of essential human touch. We can't survive without it yenno. Just stray thoughts... I hope things start looking up for you.
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