twillight Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 First of all "Hello" to everyone this is my first post here but i've been visiting love shack for quite some time. I wasnt sure where to post my thread as it would fit into nearly all of the forums. Last year march we had a change of management in my branch and my new dept manager and I got on like a house on fire from day one. Two month later we started texting ,IM or emailing each other and we would talk about everything.I was then still living together with my ex husband so i wasnt going to start anything with my boss and he was living with a woman together but yes i did fancy him like mad. Beginning of June my ex husband left me,we were married for 10 years,our marriage wasnt going well for years and we tried to put things right but it just didnt seem to get anywhere no matter what we tried we would soon slip back into our patterns which made us both unhappy. My boss and me carried on texting each other daily ,he told me that he liked me and that i make him happy but he has to stay with his girfriend until she is better...there was an inccident in the past which made her turn to selfharm but she would not just do it herself but to him aswell . To cut a long story short we did starting seeing each other and its something iam not very proud of but i fell for him big times and i know he had feelings for me to. All this time i was still living together with my ex husband but we'd sleep in seperate bedrooms and wouldnt socialise together anymore just do family things as we have a child together. Some time in october last year my ex snooped through my mobile and discovered the texts from my boss,hell broke loose and he threatend to kill him and all sorts -I move then out as we couldnt live like this anymore and my boss did distance himself from me a little .We had a good chat about us and he said we had a relationship but he's too scared at moment to carry on with it. We didnt had much contact for a while other than work and a few texts ......but for the last few months we'd started texting each other again more frequent ...and its now daily.... last week we kissed and he hugged and squeezed me so hard,said that he is not worried if we get found out just worried about getting into trouble. And thats it ,Iam not quite sure what to do or how to react my mind is blurred lol.Sorry its been such a long thread and maybe some things seem to be a little weired -am happy for any feedback thank you for taking the time reading this.
marlena Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Unless you want to have an affair with a man who is committed to someone else, then, you will have to put an end to this new relationship in the making until he decides to break up with his girlfriend. The "I can't leave because she will self-harm" is nothing more than an excuse. As for your husband, according to what you say, the marriage is over. Why aren't you divorcing if it is?
Author twillight Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 Hi Marlena thank you for your comment.Youre right I should not go any further and I wont as Iam not happy with this situation,i worn that tshirt already.He has moved into the spare bedroom and guess all i can do for the moment is wait and see what happens next. Well the selfharm thing -dont think its an excuse he's been coming into work with deep long scratches all over the face and his arms...if anything I'd say she uses it it to her advantage but I am no expert on selfharm. Oh and yes Iam divorcing my ex,its with the solicitor its just takes a little time but iam in no rush to get married again.
marlena Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Well the selfharm thing -dont think its an excuse he's been coming into work with deep long scratches all over the face and his arms...if anything I'd say she uses it it to her advantage but I am no expert on selfharm. I know this is hard to digest but the truth of the matter is that he is allowing it. He needs to find the strength to walk away. It really is that simple. When people stay in abusive relationships I can't help but wonder whether they like the abuse. When it comes to adults, I find it even more difficult to comprehend.
Author twillight Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 I know this is hard to digest but the truth of the matter is that he is allowing it. He needs to find the strength to walk away. It really is that simple. When people stay in abusive relationships I can't help but wonder whether they like the abuse. When it comes to adults, I find it even more difficult to comprehend. I so agree with you and more than once I felt like shaking him so he will finally wake up but always thought its not my place to tell him .
Author twillight Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 well and i done it (again)- couldnt resist.Iam cross with myself for being weak and giving in but I do care a lot for him and I think he knows that aswell. He driving me insane with his on and off behaviour and iam getting sick off it . Sick of him,seeing him not being happy,for putting up with his situation,for contacting me,for not letting it go, for restarting it ...sick off that iam always there for him. I know the solution and I know what I should do but then the bloody hope kicks in,that things maybe will change...one day, but I guess they wont.
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