Jeylove Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Here's the story. Met a guy who I thought was interested in me. Exchanged a few witty text messages, had a couple of stimulating conversations. The out of nowhere, I can sense his interest isn't there anymore. Hence, my blog: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Dating The older I get, the more I realize that dating becomes more and more of a sport, and the idea of love slowly, yet surely, drifts away into nonexistence. Ironically, the more and more I want to love, the more and even more I am dragged into believing that maybe “love” is just not for me. Reflecting back to the age of innocence, I was once a little girl full of dreams, who once dreamt of meeting her “Prince Charming”. Influenced by the likes of Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, even Cher from “Clueless”, I grew up placing the “Prince Charming” template onto every boy or man I have met. Now, as a twenty-five year old ICU nurse who is unable to sleep on her comfortable air-bed while on break at work due to an exasperating realization of the “high” and “lows” of dating, Greg Behrendt’s “He’s Just Not That Into You” has become her guiding bible. I am single, I am beautiful, I am successful, I am so ****ing lonely. Although I am loving every minute of it, I can not help but be oh-so damn exasperated! I now realize the pattern on about 99.5% of men I have met in my lifetime. Boy meets girl, girl may or may not play hard-to-get. Boy pursues girl, girl is smitten. Girl “puts up a front” to boy of her unavailability. Boy does everything he can to convince the poor girl: write her letters, call her and/or text her, establishes cutesy nicknames for her, introduce her to his friends as if she is “the one”. Boy continues to pursue, unknown to him that girl has given her girlfriends the play-by-play of this game of “catch”. Girl blushes, giggles, and possibly think of that boy for each second she is awake…or even while she is asleep. I introduce to you the “High” of dating. A thrilling, euphoric sensation that invades a girl’s psyche and controls her every move and direction! Yes, you all know what I am talking about. And I am sure you’ve asked yourselves the same question each time you’ve felt the aforementioned euphoria, “is he the one?” Ha! Now here goes the “lows” of dating. So girl has decided to “give in”. She has taken his every move into consideration and thinks “eh, why not?” So she decides to, gasp, call him back. She calls, she calls, maybe leave a message. Then poof! Prince Charming was here, now Prince Charming has gone. A smart girl would realize “hey, not for me. Oh, well, his loss”. But about 99.2% of girls, even women, out there have probably celebrated this event by getting drunk at the nearest bar, and bedding the first available “joke” she meets. Okay, maybe 99.2% is too much, 98.9% seem more like it! The other 1.1% has probably stayed home for months, scavenged three pints of ice cream in one sitting, and have rented every popular tear-jerking chick-flick one can imagine. Oh, dating “lows”, my home sweet home. At this point of my life, it is easy to swear off men and focus on my success and on how gorgeous I am. Ironically, the biological clock is ticking furiously. I wish I was one of those women who have already established the “marriage is not for me, and hell no, I don’t want kids” idea. But I am still a Cinderella at heart, even through all the different “lows” of dating I have experienced. So at this point, I have convinced myself that it is definitely “okay” to swear off dating. To stop looking for “Prince Charming” at every possible place a poor girl can think of. And let them find me, for once! For once in my life, let me wear my favorite slutty dress, let me let my hot self sit back, put my cute pedicured feet up, and care about no other person in this world but myself. If no man can love us, then, ladies, let us love ourselves! Buy that Louis Vuitton you’ve always wanted, wear a thong to church or at work, hiss at every “joke” that “hollers” at you, buy that condo or that townhouse, or even wear white after labor day! Let us all appreciate and consider this as God-given freedom. Freedom. Ladies, I introduce to you the other “high” of dating. Forget them all, Love yourself!
imbewildered Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Girl “puts up a front” to boy of her unavailability. Boy does everything he can to convince the poor girl: You have never understood the vast difference between PLAYING hard to get and truly BEING hard to get. Your men "disappear" because when they finally look behind the "front" that you put up they realize that what they thought was there was not really there . It was all just a "front" that you created.
Lucasarts Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Being single is fine; just make sure you're meeting the right people, socializing well within your means of being happy, and maybe do the occasional one nite stand. Yet I think your problem with dating is that you're not giving anything back to the men who pursue you. Why are you putting up such a front? why are you dragging your men through rings of fire after running them through the gauntlet? You must obviously know that after all this work and no reward, no real hint or sign of anything more but the same old same old, that of course we're gonna quit. We believe that you don't like us, we did everything we could, and still we get no real positive response from you girls. Even if it maybe a cover, a front, another game of hiding emotions to test us, we gain nothing from it and we don't know what else we have to do. We quit, you're not the only girl in the world, there's plenty more, and if you won't give us the time of day, then another girl will. We don't want you to become easy, but don't become too hard. . . know when the right moments are to display your appreciations or affections (if you really like us) then maybe you'll find someone who'll stick around and deal with your silly, stupid games long enough to pass them and be with you. I also think you feel entitled to having more because of how self-confident you are. Thats good, if you are attractive it only works in your favor, yet remember that you're still human just like everyone else.
Author Jeylove Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 hey guys, thanks for your reply. I think you might have misunderstood what I was trying to say, but I truly appreciate your perceptions on what I wrote. Coming out of this dating closet, my main issue is this: once I show interest to a guy, he seems to distance himself from me. This something that I am still unsure of that. I am not being needy or anything, in fact...I am just being friendly, funny, and just be plain myself. It's like they make it seem like I am perfect for them, that I am what they are looking for...but once I show them some attention, they kind of back off. In all honesty, being confident w/ myself is the only thing I have and can hold on to. So might as well promote it =)
orangesean Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I think the same thing happens on both ends, but maybe at different stages. Sometimes when you pursue the girl and she shows the initial interest and backs off, it's really difficult to know if she is truly playing hard to get or really would like you to go away because she decided you are not for her. So you seem to be saying, if she were playing hard to get, the boy should keep pursuing and he would win her over eventually, since of course she is going play by play through the "courtship" with her friends, and thinking about him every minute. But on the flipside, I think there are a lot of guys, the good type of guys, who don't want to be some scumball and become the stalker you talk about with you and your friends. Because once you get known as that guy, things tend to spread around. But I guess that's the highs and lows like you said, and it's really hard to balance all of that and still prevail into a full blown relationship sometimes.
Author Jeylove Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 So, here's my dilemma: I've started this online dating thing, and I met this guy who I thought I had a "good feeling with". We ended up exchanging numerous emails. He seemed really into me, etc., until we exchanged phone numbers. We had about 2 conversations, exchanged many text messages. But I feel like he only wants to talk about his day and not so interested in me. He says he'll call, but he doesn't. Then when I do call him, I always only get his Vmail. I understand that he's busy, and I am busy as well. I just don't get how he seemed to be so interested in me, and now this. I guess I just have to bite the bullet and accept the fact that the interest isn't there any longer.
thehappycynic Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Most men are intimidated by confident women. Showing them or telling them that you like them too early is a recipe for disaster. After about 15 email exchanges with someone i met on Match, I sent him an email that said, "Though we haven't met and have only exchanged a few long emails, I like you, Bill. Talking to you is just ... comfortable, like I've known you forever." He panicked. I replied, "For god's sake, I don't want to marry you and have your baby. I just like you. Relax." They're so full of themselves. So when you get the urge to be honest and show/tell them how you feel ... wait. Wait a long, long time.
Cov Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Most men are intimidated by confident women. Showing them or telling them that you like them too early is a recipe for disaster. I'm not one of those men, I love confident women and women who express themselves freely to me. If a girl gives me a green light, I can then take the initiative whilst giving her the green light, it makes life that much easier and more enjoyable. Though I'm lying if I said I didn't like a challenge, but sometimes challenges just spoil the party. Now, had you sent me an email like that and I like you as well, I wouldn't panick, I'd be over the moon, especially with the "comfortable" part. Only weak men panick like that or the owns who always like to be in cruise control.
Cov Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 I forgot to add that dating shouldn't have "lows" just highs. If you are dating someone and you are experiencing downs then get the hell out of there and find someone who you connect with and can have fun with. Dating is not marriage, there should no downs, only highs.
Trialbyfire Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Take it slowly ladies. It's not real when it happens so fast. It's pure infatuation.
Balthazar Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 So, here's my dilemma: I've started this online dating thing, and I met this guy who I thought I had a "good feeling with". We ended up exchanging numerous emails. He seemed really into me, etc., until we exchanged phone numbers. We had about 2 conversations, exchanged many text messages. But I feel like he only wants to talk about his day and not so interested in me. He says he'll call, but he doesn't. Then when I do call him, I always only get his Vmail. I understand that he's busy, and I am busy as well. I just don't get how he seemed to be so interested in me, and now this. I guess I just have to bite the bullet and accept the fact that the interest isn't there any longer. Jeylove, as orangesean said, the knife cuts both ways. Read up on my thread - My Christian GF is getting on my nerves, and you will see what I mean. All you have to do is exchange all the male names with female names and you get the other side of the coin. In any case, at 25 you have your whole life ahead of you. Be happy and enjoy the summer! CHeers,
Author Jeylove Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 So, I've concluded today that this guy I met is not interested. But being the 25-year old in me, I'm in complete denial and am considering this as his game. lol. So, he texts me today about work. Mind you, about two nights ago, I texted him and called him...did he even acknowledge that?? No!! So, what I basically did was ignored him and did not respond! I am so disappointed, because i really enjoyed his emails as we have many things in common! (he even said so). So now, I'm just gonna move on to bigger and better things. Oh, here's another issue. My boyfriend of 3 years and i pulled the plug 4 mos. ago. After a month of crying every second, I finally got over him. Now he texts me after 4 mos. saying "I miss you". Mind you, I was badly hurt and beaten and all he told me as we were breaking up was to get over him. So I did and now this!! GOOOSSHHHH..talk about too many lows of dating. I will take my other "high"...my freedom. Im much happier that way!
xpaperxcutx Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I think this is one of the best posts I've read. I used to think that not having a bf was a bad thing, but I've come to realize that its okay being single and independent. It's empowering.
CaliGuy Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I started a whole thread about this lol. I'm experiencing the same thing, though now I think I know why...
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