Heartbroken 08 Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Ok.. this might be a long one. I was engaged to my fiance who also so happens to be the father of my 2 year old son. We've been together for 3 years officially... dating off and on for the last 5 years... and have known each other for almost 8 years total. We have a lot of history together. Our wedding was set for August of this year.. he proposed and I didn't have a clue (i was so surprised). We've had our rough patches, especially since the wedding plans started. We were suppose to get married in Hawaii. He started having cold feet, and I wasnt sure if it was because he felt maybe were too young still, or maybe he was freaking out cause he realized he'd be stuck with me forever. I have no clue what goes on in guys' heads! Anyways, he told me he felt we were incompatible and he didn't wanna go through with the wedding. I was devastated. (This happened 2 weeks ago) I've been trying to be strong, especially for my son's sake. So, because it was Father's Day this past sunday I decided to bring my son over to see his daddy/ my "ex" fiance. My "ex" decides he wants to take a walk... just the two of us, so we leave our son with his grandma. We sit down at the park and he tells me that he went away to Reno on a weekend trip with his guy friends 2 weeks ago (I knew they were going... and our engagment was already up in the air). Then he drops a bomb on me and says... "I love you but I can't marry you... the reason is because I MARRIED someone else".... WTF!? He says he married this girl that he randomly met in a bar... He blames it on being SOOOO drunk... he didnt realize what he had done until the next morning. He says they were talking about his problems on whether or not he should marry me even though he's having cold feet... next thing you know he's at a freakin chapel at 10:30pm with this breezy! I'm pissed enough at my "ex" fiance... but what desperate kind of girl marries a guy she just met at a bar... oh and supposedly shes a freakin therapist! I keep thinking that i'm going through a total scenario straight out of a hollywood movie... I can't even cry because I havent grasped the idea of this happening to me. I thought I was just an average person with a normal life until now... He's been trying to work on getting it annulled and he's been begging me to not leave him now, pleading with me that he knows he wants to marry me and wants our son to have a REAL family. I have no idea what to do. I mean of course ANY girl in her right mind would say F*Off... how could any person who "loves" you or you love do this to you right? I know I can get over this, I dont need him. But at the same time.. I need to think about the welfare of my son. Honestly I still love my dumbass son's father. And when the three of us are together my son is SOOOO happy. My little guy is so smart and he just knows that we're a family when were all together. My son's happiness means more than anything in the world to me. All I've ever wanted was to give my son a true loving family. I just dont know what to do. I mean... How stupid would I really look if I actually decided to work things out and take him back? And I dont mean right away... I only just considering it. If we did try to work things out... obviously I'm gonna make him work for it. Wow... Im just still in shock. If I saw this scenario happening on a TV show or movie.. I'm usually the one yelling back at the TV saying "Don't be so STUPID!! Don't take him back!".... It's a VERY VERY much different situation when it happens to you though. Please anybody give me your thoughts... and please be nice.. I'm still hurting here!
claycald Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 give the dude another chance. think about your son. do u really want your son growing up and asking "mommy, why arnt u and daddy married?" everyone makes mistakes. give the dude another chance. but tell me the full story... did he ask her to marry him? did she ask him? did he persuade her? did she persuade him? what? how does this dude act when he is shi* faced drunk? is he relaxed or is he crazy and shiz? if i were you i would forgive him for your son's sake. you dont want him growing up without a father at HOME.
Lishy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 If I saw that on a film I would think it was a bit far fetched! I really cannot tell you what to do, you know how you feel about this man so really you need to think logically about what he did and why he did it!
Author Heartbroken 08 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 but tell me the full story... did he ask her to marry him? did she ask him? did he persuade her? did she persuade him? what? how does this dude act when he is shi* faced drunk? is he relaxed or is he crazy and shiz? quote] He says he can't remember but she might of asked him to marry her. They met at the bar and she was questioning why he was drinking so much. They got kinda chatty and he started telling her about his "cold feet" situation. As for his behavior... he's normally very relaxed when he has a few drinks... but when he's had too much to drink he can become loud, obnoxious, and might do crazy things. But I've never seen him to the point where he blacked out and couldnt remember what happened the night before.
Author Heartbroken 08 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 but tell me the full story... did he ask her to marry him? did she ask him? did he persuade her? did she persuade him? what? how does this dude act when he is shi* faced drunk? is he relaxed or is he crazy and shiz? He says he can't remember but she might of asked him to marry her. They met at the bar and she was questioning why he was drinking so much. They got kinda chatty and he started telling her about his "cold feet" situation. As for his behavior... he's normally very relaxed when he has a few drinks... but when he's had too much to drink he can become loud, obnoxious, and might do crazy things. But I've never seen him to the point where he blacked out and couldnt remember what happened the night before.
whichwayisup Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Get to counselling with him and sort this out for the sake of your son. Maybe too, he should stop drinking....
Lishy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 It seems to me that he must have sounded pretty desperate to this girl. She must have said "well marry me and then you cant marry her so problem sorted" I am not sure you will get over this
twice_shy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Wow... Im just still in shock. If I saw this scenario happening on a TV show or movie.. I'm usually the one yelling back at the TV saying "Don't be so STUPID!! Don't take him back!".... It's a VERY VERY much different situation when it happens to you though. I was the same way, never take back a cheater. Then it happened to me and like you I was in shock. But once that initial shock was over, I divorced her. And what can you really do? He is married to someone else. Just get yourself a good attorney and get child support. I mean really, he's engaged to you, then BOOM, marries a girl he met at a bar? Not the kind of man you and your child needs. Please anybody give me your thoughts... and please be nice.. I'm still hurting here! Well, the hurting will go away I think once the shock is over. When you start thinking clearly, you will know what to do. But again, get a good lawyer. Your child needs to be supported.
carhill Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I just dont know what to do. I mean... How stupid would I really look if I actually decided to work things out and take him back? And I dont mean right away... I only just considering it. If we did try to work things out... obviously I'm gonna make him work for it. I'd leave him alone for right now and let him work out his mess first, fatherly visitation to your child excluded of course. He made his bed so now he can untangle the sheets. You would never look "stupid", regardless of the decision you make, as long as you are positive about it and it is healthy for you. What others think (about you) is irrelevant. Do what's best for your and your son.
Lishy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 You only have to concern yourself with doing what is right for you and your child. We are all strangers who do not know you or your partner or your life together. We can only give advice on what we are told. You do whatever is right for you and do not worry about what others think because anyone who loves you will want the best for you too!
theobserver Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 My bull**** radar is going off like a wild fire. If this is true this guy must of been incredibly sh*t faced. I dunno as others say do what's best for you, I still can't help but wonder if something else went on with this chick besides getting married. Oh well never know, where was his friends when this went down? You want to worry about your son being in a "real family" and not a broken one (I guess) that's noble and fine but he still sounds like a real jerk to me. Just don't sell yourself short to have your son have a "perfect 2 bio parent family" There's more to this story then he let on. I would question a friend of his unless theyre all bro's before hoe's type of guys.
norajane Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I'd seriously question his maturity level for any kind of committed relationship with you, if all it takes is a drunken night in Reno for him to marry someone else. Have you had sex with him after this trip to Reno? If so, I'd suggest getting yourself tested for STD's. You know he had sex with her, either before the wedding or on their 'honeymoon' nights, and if he was so sh*t faced he can't remember what happened, he most likely did NOT use a condom.
Author Heartbroken 08 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 My bull**** radar is going off like a wild fire. If this is true this guy must of been incredibly sh*t faced. I dunno as others say do what's best for you, I still can't help but wonder if something else went on with this chick besides getting married. Oh well never know, where was his friends when this went down? You want to worry about your son being in a "real family" and not a broken one (I guess) that's noble and fine but he still sounds like a real jerk to me. Just don't sell yourself short to have your son have a "perfect 2 bio parent family" There's more to this story then he let on. I would question a friend of his unless theyre all bro's before hoe's type of guys. I wish SOOO badly that this was all fabricated. Trust me! This isnt come ploy to get attention from random people on the internet. And yes.. you are SO correct... apparently he was sh** faced drunk. So the "story" he tells me is his friends went to gamble and he headed to the bar... this girl comes over to him and starts chatting it up asking why he's drinking so much. Yadda-yadda happens like I've already explained. Supposedly, within 20 minutes of them starting their conversation... they had enough time to go to where ever you get marriage licenses, get married and thats that. He said afterwards he stumbled back to his hotel room ALONE and passed out. Also, he "SAYS" that none of his friends know about this at all. He's been texting, emailing and calling for the pass few days since he's told me all of this begging for my forgiveness. He says he's trying to get an annullment. I have no clue how long these things take... Does anyone know?? And I do agree, I feel that there is more to this story that he hasn't told me. I told him that the cherry on top of this all would be to tell me that he f**k'd her and she might be pregnant now. He denied ever sleeping with her and said she's worthless to him. But at this point I don't even know what to believe anymore.
Author Heartbroken 08 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 Have you had sex with him after this trip to Reno? If so, I'd suggest getting yourself tested for STD's. You know he had sex with her, either before the wedding or on their 'honeymoon' nights, and if he was so sh*t faced he can't remember what happened, he most likely did NOT use a condom. No we did not have sex since his trip... thank goodness. But also, from personal experience with him.. If he was as sh*t faced drunk as he says he was.. I know he probably wouldn't be able to get it up anyways.
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