jerbear Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Ideas on second chances and when to move on? I've originally had more but edited out the stuff.
CaliGuy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Ideas on second chances and when to move on? I've originally had more but edited out the stuff. If it's been within a year, odds or OK for a second chance. Anything longer than that and I personally would put a stake in any reconciliation. It's a very, very long shot. The funny part about second chances is I think the best chance for a second chance is to honestly and truly not want it at all. Because if you follow that mantra you won't do the silly things that ruin a second chance (begging, pleading, stalking, etc.) You will move on with your life and your ex, if they truly want you, will have a chance to miss you. Personally I think not counting on a second chance has a far, far greater POSITIVE impact on your future. It's a NO LOSE situation whereas waiting for a second chance is most assuredly a losing cause. Cheers.
Author jerbear Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 Hey Caliguy, Thanks for the lone post! Guess it can get lonely sometimes. It has been over one year, the time apart was about 2 years. I found out that she tried to find me one year later but didn't find me. The strange thing was I signed up with LS the same time. Instead of talking to her I was here. We went from talking everyday to cold turkey no contact. I contacted her a few weeks back and it was interesting. She was busy but did call me back. Once she called to chew me out, I mean a real chewing! She said I just came back and didn't apologize and wanted no contact from me ever. I gave her an apology, then I told her what I was looking for from her and I wanted to try again. If not then "ok", she then said didn't know what to do with me, so I suggested how about being herself. Then said that I should pursue a younger woman more my league. I said to her, if I wanted a younger woman I wouldn't have said hi to her, be talking to her or time of day. Last night she bought up that I need to go out more often, re-establish my network and that I need to realize that I won't realize one of my dream jobs. Plus I might find a younger woman in the process of joining other groups. I recently relocated for a newer job and I was re-establishing my connections. I tried to reduce contact over the past two weeks. When I did not contact her, she'll contact me and ask what is wrong. Sorry that she didn't get back to me, told me about what is going on in her life and wanting to get a "date". It is like I have to do more work and nothing to show for it.
CaliGuy Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Well the best I can say is she is telling you to move on. If she really wants to be with you she will track you down and confess her feelings. She isn't doing that so you really have nothing to go on. Move on as I am sure you will find someone much better for you than her
Author jerbear Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it.
Trialbyfire Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Two years is a long time and people's lives and priorities change over this period of time. It does sound like she's telling you to move on, although I also see some mixed messages in that she continues to maintain contact. I might be reaching here but she might be the type of person who takes time to think things over. Her initial reaction of giving you supreme, would have been some long harboured resentments that she carried for this length of time. After blowing off some steam, she's mellowed and contacting you voluntarily.
Author jerbear Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 Two years is a long time and people's lives and priorities change over this period of time. It does sound like she's telling you to move on, although I also see some mixed messages in that she continues to maintain contact. I might be reaching here but she might be the type of person who takes time to think things over. Her initial reaction of giving you supreme, would have been some long harboured resentments that she carried for this length of time. After blowing off some steam, she's mellowed and contacting you voluntarily. I was the one who walked away and the one that broke no contact. Blowing off steam is an understatement! She said I betrayed her trust and abandoned her. I said to her either way I would have been screwed. If I stayed, she would lose respect for me; walking away would mean abandoning her and lose her trust; why put up with a zero sum game, so I walked away. I think I did ok, I'm still alive to talk about it. yeah, two years is a long time. Anyway, her business and life is not turning out the way she thought. She said I was the one who gave her the inspiration and support to take the next step. I said if I was that influential, inspirational, support then why are we not married. What is with Type A financially savvy business women? We did get to spend time a month ago, not an official date but I got to accidentally feel her up and talk about kids. It was one of the weekends she had sometime to herself. Even talked about random stuff and that she is getting old. that she has white hair, wrinkles. I said that her boobs are still firm, ass still nice, hair can be colored and besides I like older women. After the event she gave me a peck on the lips. Today she told me the last few weeks for her was rocky, one of her friends and a relative is sick. She is stressed, frustrated, and even little things get to her. I hear it in her voice. I offered sexual relief for stress even thought I don't want an FWB. Told her that sometimes relationships have a give and take moment. I said that she needs some down time and go do something together or by her own thing. After last night's conversation, it just didn't feel right. It seems like she is trying to assert her control or superiority over me with the pep talk and the thought of moving on came to me. Oh well...
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