Love_Forest Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I miss him so much! We split because i was so upset he did not make date, he was sending me email but I did not get it in time and I was there and I was so angry..I told him I do not want to see him again in my life, I guess he was scary of me angry. It was a misunderstanding. I really like this guys, he so deep in my heart.. We split 1 year ago..... Is there a chance for me to have him back? In "sex and the city" they were back!!!!! I know he still has not a girlfriend. I want to call him but how to start to talk to him! Do you think there is any way that he would forgive me? I love him so much and I really didn't mean to hurt him. Thanks for reading, any advice would be much appreciated.
alialui Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I've never seen anybody get back with ex by chasing and obssessing. you should move on with your life. I know the whole situation is driving you crazy. maybe he still loves you, but he's decided to leave you, which means he cannot have relationship with you at least for now. I really don't think it is a good idea to stay in touch as friends, harboring thoughts of getting back together. He should miss you and realized himself that he lost "the one" no matter how much you try to make him realize you are the one for him, that wouldn't change his decision (simply put, he can have your company, attention and care even after he dumped you. why would he be desparate to get back with you if he's getting everything he can get when he's in relationship without being in relationship?) he would notice that he has a control over you or even try to use you emotionally or sexually. Don't ever think that you wanna get back with him. You cannot tell right now. you are heartbroken and cannot think clearly. You don't know what's out there or even you don't even wanna know. bc you feel like he's the best guy for you. WRONG!! only God knows. who knows? a much better guy who's crazy about you will be waiting for you. if you and your ex are meant to be together, you will, just like the first time you guys met. Then, relationship will happen very naturally too with immediate chemistry. then he would wanna hang out with you, will ask you out on a date, then try to have relationship with you. what you should do now is to forget about him and focus on yourself. and keep telling yourself that you are a beautiful girl who deserves love and care, not pain and bad treatment. you cannot revive the old relationship. it's dead and accept it. if you ever have a relationship with your ex, it should be a NEW one in which two people who have learned and got mature thru pain, not the same immature people who couldn't handle relationship back then. hope you to feel better. I know you will. Stay strong:bunny::bunny::bunny:
Author Love_Forest Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 in the mean time I was trying to date some guys with two of them I was trying 3 mo but just did not work out, the more time I spent with them the more I disliked them.
alialui Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I think it was a good idea to date them. Getting attention from guys definitely help you boost your self-esteem. however, the point of getting over the failed relationship is to learn how to be happy being single. start trying new hobbies (if it's something that make you meet many new people it's better. such as salsa club, religious group or etc.) if dating those guys didn't help you, stop seeing them. instead, hang out with your friends or make new friends either female or males. never drink excessively or try drugs to lessen the pain of breakup. it is something you must go through. Use this time to think about yourself and your relationship. BUT never blame you or your ex for anything. just think you guys were immature. and be positive about yourself, your study or goals and your future romance. Being strong and stick with NC at least 5 weeks. you will find yourself being much stronger. REMEMBER. this pain goes away gradually, so never give up! good luck:)
Author Love_Forest Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 It is almost 1 year since we split. I enjoy being single, is not that bad, and I had a lot of time for myself and my hobbies but he does not go out from my mind. I have a lot of friends to hang out with (people around me call me party girl) and some of them become close to me , they were with me when I had a surgery.
alialui Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 10 months are very long time. I hope you are healed from old scars. if you are, you can meet him. but before meeting him, ask yourself several questions. 1. are you going to be okay to hear about his new girlfriend if he has one? 2. are you strong enough not to have sex with him on the day you see him? (having sex with ex without rekindling romance and developing trust is extremely dangerous. definite NO NO) How will you meet him? 1. you pick a time when he cannot pick up the phone 2. call him and leave him a very brief and casual massage saying you just want to check how he is doing 3. wait for up to 1 week. if he doesn't call, he's not interested 4. if he calls, don't get too excited. he might have missed you too, or he just wants to see how you are doing even though he doesn't have any feelings left for you or even has a new girlfriend 5. when you talk on the phone, make it brief and sweet. Don't talk about too much details about your life. (guys love mystery so don't open up too fast) 6. Evem if he doesn't ask you out for a drink or lunch, don't aks him out first. (no eager or clingy girl looks attractive to anybody) 7. you might keep in touch with him, and he might wants to see you. if he doesn't, it should not happen. Just move on. He's not really into you 8. if he asks you out, dress up as nice as possible. be nice, sweet, a little flirty, but never give him a hint that you are in love with him. (it's the best way to drive guys away from you) but give him an impression that you're fond of him and missed him 9. Keep dating him just like you guys just met. there would be new chemistry. and this would or would not develop into a brand new relationship. 10. keep in mind. This should happen naturally. relationship happens naturally, when a guy asks a girl out first, initiate relationship and pop the question. not the other way around Good luck. Even if he's not interested in you as a girl, never grovel. never let him use you as FWB. you can never do that unless you don't have any feelings at all with that guy.
Author Love_Forest Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 10 months are very long time. I hope you are healed from old scars. if you are, you can meet him. but before meeting him, ask yourself several questions. 1. are you going to be okay to hear about his new girlfriend if he has one? thi is the only question I can answer , I know for sure he has not another girlfriend! The reason why he has not I do not know, so I cannot say because of me, but he is alone like me perhaps trying to date like me....
alialui Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 then, you are all-set, girl~ Just pick the best day for you to call him. Try to calm down before making calls just in case he would pick up. if he does, be nice and happy. but never have a conversation longer than 10-15 minutes. He should be the one who wants to lengthen the conversation IF HE STILL LIKES YOU. okay good luck. oh, be honest about what you did (if he ever asks you if you were dating, but if he's very jealous person, and if you feel like you are rubbing it in his face, just change the saubject) good luck.
Author Love_Forest Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 In 1 year (actually 10 mo) I have date 14 guys (only 1-2 dates with each of them, even no kiss because I did not feel that) and with 2 of then I was about 3 mo. a lot adventures due to my outdoors hobbies, a surgery that was very difficult time for me. and I did not forget him at all. During this time I went to the social worker and she does not want me call him. She did not explain to me why and i did not ask, she things he is not the right for me ... But I think I have to make the decision for me.... I really feel i am ready to call him.....one day soon...i just want to talk to you more.....
alialui Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 If your heart is telling you that it's worth it to try to find out if he's the one, go ahead. Just never be pushy or manipulative. Be honest about your feelings about him if he asks (but i'd rather not use the word "love" unless you are in relationship with him). Don't get too upset or too excited by his small actions or responses- I know it's hard. I used to analyze what he said and did. but, make sure that your goal is to "try" to find out if he's the one. not "hunt him down and catch him" girls should be always classy no matter how desparate you are about having him. REMEMBER! if he doesn't ask you out on a date, (real date such as dinner, drink or dance; as I said, never have sex with him unless he becomes your boyfriend) even though you were being sweet and honest, giving him enough space, MOVE ON. He doesn't love you, then. So, don't be too positive nor too negative about the outcome. Try to think you are just "trying him on, if he fits you" just like the way you date any guy for the first time. Okay. good luck.
Author Love_Forest Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 my only concern is about my social worker who does not want to contact him! I have tried to ask her why and she said we have to work more to forget him.....
alialui Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I feel that you miss him sooo much and want him back eagerly. It's nice to have such a passion, but that can be a turn-off for a guy, especially if he's your ex. Ask her to help you be more calm and rational about this or do something to get him off your mind for a couple of weeks before meeting him. I know going thru 14 dates and not finding anybody special must have made you sure that he's the one, but he might be not. maybe you'll meet "the one" if you wait a little later. So, when you meet him, try to be cool:)
Author Love_Forest Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 perhaps she is right, but she said to me she can be sure about anything because we were not together at her and only through my stories is difficult to say something for sure... she said according to my stories he is the person to have commitment issue, but the way we broke up it was from a meeting he did not come. I will try to calm down ...but indeed I miss him so much....and having dating those person to me is clear it is hard to find the right one although you can find men all over .....
t_veron Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Sounds like you learned a valuable lesson. You have to appreciate what you have even though you think you can do better. I'd say email or call him and start things off slow. There's really know right way to do it other than realizing you are not picking up where you left off. Think of it as the first date you two will be going on and start all over. Personally I'd rather know for sure that there's either a chance or it's over for good. Just do it and let us know how things work out. Remember, start over and go slow leaving things in the past out of it.
Author Love_Forest Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 yes indeed i learn a lot from this experience and also from my dating experience about relations but although I am changed the problem is he will see my change? did he learn something from his mistakes too? i am tired of dating , i do not find any fun there, I am having fun more with my work and my hobbies.
Author Love_Forest Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 I do not know how to start to talk to him without being pushy, clingy, needy etc...
t_veron Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 yes indeed i learn a lot from this experience and also from my dating experience about relations but although I am changed the problem is he will see my change? did he learn something from his mistakes too? i am tired of dating , i do not find any fun there, I am having fun more with my work and my hobbies. Don't get carried away just yet. Maybe you think you're changed but are you? Too many women read a book, a magazine, talk to friends, watch Ohpra and think they're now experts on a subject. Let's see what you do when you're put in the same situation again. It's easy to say something but only actions matter. As a woman you should know this when guys will tell you what you want to hear to get in your pants. I do not know how to start to talk to him without being pushy, clingy, needy etc... None of those will get him back and will drive him away. Like I said this is where we'll see if you actually learned something. You have to go at his pace and what he wants which will show him you learned your lesson. Going back to your old ways of wanting what you want isn't going to work especially 2nd time around. Just email him and start over like this is the first time you met. Ask him how he is and what's new. Email 1-2 times a day and see where it goes.
Author Love_Forest Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 I am changed not only because my social worker is telling to me, but I can see how my daily life is improved around me. it is not about reading a book, 10 I did all the homework i got from my coach. This why I think I changed.... Actually I want to call him instead of emailing him.
t_veron Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Run Forest run.... kidding.... Then call him hun. Just matters that you get in touch and let down your walls. Got my fingers crossed. Lemme know what happens.
alialui Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 it's just my impression that you are not really ready to meet him yet. you sound you are very afraid of losing him even though you already lost him. That kind of mindset can ruin everything. Even if he's interested in dating you, if you still have a big fear of losing him, you cannot help but act deparate. The social worker will be right that you need more healing time. Take a trip or something to get him off your mind
Author Love_Forest Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 yes indeed i am afraid to lose him again.... i will go on sailing with some friends this weekend to take a longer time of NC..... my social worker said that it me because we broke how we broke,but also he seems to have some problems as i describe him to her....but she does not know what because she did not talk to her....
alialui Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Tell me 1)what he's like in general 2)what kind of boyfriend he was 3) his current situation.
Author Love_Forest Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 Thank you Alialui. 1)what he's like in general I like the was he look, he is very "man" to me. he seems to have good relations with his family, friends, colleagues. he offer help to other but easy get the feeling people use him when they start to rely on his help. has a cat he treats as his child When he was very young he was about to marry a girl but he become scarred and cancel the weeding one day before the official marriage. 2)what kind of boyfriend he was he was nice to me, was caring person, he likes outdoors like me, we like to taste almost the foods and drinks, we had a lot of fun together. I did not like the fact he still have all the contact address to all his gf since he was 12, he is not sure if they can be find at the same address but he stores them when we were to eat out he was always paying, if I was about paying myself he was very irritated about this. - perhaps his manhood was affected For example on his birthday I wish to pay the dinner as part of the gift but he did not allowed me to do that. He was very helpful with me although I did not really need help, but I accepted his help in many situations because I want to make him feel good. I am very independent person and i can handle many things by myself. he does not like very romantic music and sometimes he says "the women are demanding", also sometimes he does not take the calls, I feel he is doing this because he needs more space I hope is not because he hang out with too many women. Despite he is a man he is shoppaholic but this is fun to me. he told to me I am pretty, smart, funny and private. 3) his current situation still no gf but I am sure he is dating or alt least he is trying to date, no big changes for him the same house, same car, same job etc. PS I miss seeing him in the morning how is preparing the scramble eggs and bacon (he was preparing the breakfast and mysefl i was cleaning after breakfast), I miss his body near me... .... the others I was trying to date I did not feel theri body warm, I want to touch them or to kiss them...
alialui Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 first of all, he is a gentleman who does not allow his gf to pick-up the check. - also, guys don't spend money on a gril they are not into, even if he's a millionnaire. I think he really liked you. What was the reason for the breakup? I guess you were being too clingy. am I right? in that case, I recommand you to read this book "The Rules" before meeting him. if the reason of the breakup was something else, let me know. He has not had a girlfriend so long and this fact shows that he does not fall in love easily. this kinda guys usually have a hard time to get over the broken relationship. I think he must be missing you too. I know this because my ex was like that too. I'm optimistic about your chance of having a new relationship with him. but I'm not telling you this to feed on your obssession. as i told you, before meeting him, you should rechannel your focus from him back to you. No guy likes a clingy girl even if she looks like a supermodel. okay, good luck. Work on removing your fear of losing him. you really should let him go in your mind to be back on this game. You should be indifferent enough not to get hurt if he does not call you for a while after your "first date" with him. okay. ttyl
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