Tripper Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I know what happened to me and that is ultimately what is important. I have no doubt this man is a sociopath and I have no doubt I was brainwashed by him. I've never been "brainwashed" but I have f****d up royally in life; I've felt guilt and shame at things I've done... and had to make apologies and beg forgiveness BUT I have always taken ownership for my bad decisions and actions and laid the responsibility and blame at my own two feet. Then again, we all have the right to live in denial...
pelicanpreacher Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Don't worry about too much about the naysayers Zoomarch for none of them believe in the old Lincoln quote... "You can fool all of the people some time..." "You can fool some of the people all of the time..." "But you can't fool all of the people all of the time..." Most of them believe with absolute certainty that George Bush and his administration knew nothing about the impending event of 9-11 and still believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that Iraq is rife with WMDs so you need to take their skepticism with a grain of salt. Of course, you have to take responsibility for your own actions but, for those of us who know of these things in the lives we've led, anyone can be duped at anytime! Now knowing what you know about this man I would urge you to disclose who he is and what he is to your husband for you really have nothing to lose since you've already disclosed the fact of the affair. This could give closure to the both of you because OM could no longer be your own dirty little secret and your husband can finally vanquish the ghost behind the consternations of his angst.
Owl Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 To the OP... Do you truly see yourself as ONLY a victim of the OM??? Or do you see yourself as someone who participated in the choice to cheat on your husband? I think all the flak you're feeling here is because your posts show no evidence of the latter. They appear to place all the blame on OM, since he's a sociopath. If you HAVE taken responsibility for the choice to cheat, outlining that here as well might bring this all back into balance. Make sense?
share&care Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Wow. I just read it through as well. Sociopathy is a professional diagnosis, and one therefore that I am clearly unable to make. Even if I was qualified it would be completely unreasonable to try and do so on the basis of such limited information. But that being said, I have to say there was a great deal of disturbing content in her posts that was very consistent with her lover being sociopathic. I have done tons and tons of reading about psychopathy over the years because it fascinates me. I think we may need to cut this poster a break. I agree. If this man truly loved her he would have sacrificed himself and missed some of those meetings so she could attend them and save her career. He only thought of himself while taking advantage of her love for him.
whichwayisup Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 He only thought of himself while taking advantage of her love for him. And this describes the behaviour of MANY MM and MW's who are cheating on their spouses.
bentnotbroken Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 And this describes the behaviour of MANY MM and MW's who are cheating on their spouses. And I doubt most OP won't classify themselves a sociopaths.
whichwayisup Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 And I doubt most OP won't classify themselves a sociopaths. I know. To be honest, I don't see a huge difference in this MM and what he's done or any other MM...And I also don't see a huge difference between the original poster and her MM. Seems they both have been burned by playing with fire, part of the fallout when an affair ends sometimes.
Lookingforward Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Seems to me that according a 'label' to the op in an A is an easy cop out - but maybe that's just me
twice_shy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 To recap my situation, I am a MW, of over 17 years to the most wonderful H & father of my children. He is & has always been there emotionally & physically for me. I’ve always been his #1 priority. He’s never let me down. this kind of blows the cheaters' enablers theory here that there HAS to have been something your husband did to make you cheat. There just HAS to be. A few mths ago, I finally told my H, but to this day, I have not told him who it is despite his persistence in knowing. Its unfortunate enough that, if your H so chooses, live with what you did to him. Now he has to wonder which man out there, that you two may be in the company of in the future, boned his wife. You say he is a good man, you say he is there for you emotionally and physically. Then he deserves to know who it was so he isn't blindly rubbing elbows with this jerk in the future. And he also has a right to know because if he knows, the more likely it will be that you will be NC with this other guy. But you work with this guy. so maybe you need to change jobs. If you aren't willing to cut this man out of your life completely, then don't tell us how much you love your husband, because it just aint so if you aren't willing to do that. [qutoe]I took him to a remote location over night, away from our children, so he could react as he saw fit. I was prepared for anything he wanted to throw at me…. Leaving me, humiliating me, whatever. I felt he had the right to take back the power I had taken from him when I cheated on him. That includes knowing who his wife had sex with. Amazingly, after two nights & two days of both of us crying, he told me he loved me with every fiber of his being & he forgave me & said he knew something had been wrong with me; he assured me that he wanted to get past this. He'll never truly get past it. Things may seem ok to you on the surface, but make no mistake about it. You have exiled him to a life, again, if he so chooses, of thinking about what you did from time to time. Here is my problem: I know all the experts say that you must cut off all contact, however Before responding to the rest....there is NO "however" here. The experts are correct. You cut off contact. Find another job if you have to. No excuses. You DO IT. this OM & myself are in high level positions Then it should be no problem for you to find a job elsewhere. You are marketable. both making very high incomes. Ok, so money is more important than your husband. I also love my job & have been in the same company for years. Well thats just too bad. You messed that up when you had sex with the other guy. I am so ashamed to say this next part but this is where I need the help: I think about the OM constantly. All day long. All night long. It’s like I’m trapped & don’t know how to suppress these feeling I have for him. I almost ache to be with him; when I think about him & when I’m missing him so bad (which is daily), I start crying uncontrollably – this from a woman who never used to cry… It has ruined my life because I want to be with him all the time. Then maybe you need to get a divorce. Because your feelings for this other man are not fair to your husband. I am no longer happy at all. Everything I do, I want to do with him. I crave his touch, his kiss & just to hear his voice. I feel like I “need” him like I need to breathe. Again, all this said, I can’t imagine hurting my H again by telling him that I am actually in love with this OM. My H is such a good man. And as a good man, he needs to be free from you. Why can’t I love him; have passion for him the way I do this OM? Because you have been with your H for a long time and the OM is new meat. The OM doesn't have to put up with the daily trials of marriage/family life with you. So I am the one suffering professionally from this because I’m the one who will no longer show up for professional meetings. Then start looking for another job. You are marketable if what you say is true and you will find another one. This could ruin my career – but there’s no way that he will not show to a meeting. I have to make that sacrifice which I think is unfair Unfair? Unfair to who? You? but I know if we are in the same place, at the same time, we will definitely end up in bed. Boy I really feel sorry for your husband. A good man being betrayed like this. Maybe you do need to divorce and good luck finding someone that will treat you like your H does. This should be simple, right? Just accept that it’s over & move on? How can I suppress these feelings? Any sound advice would be appreciated. Please don’t beat me up as I’ve done that to myself for over a year. It is simple. If you want to keep your H and marriage intact, you go complete NC. You find another job as soon as you can. No excuses and sob stories. If you aren't willing to do that, then you don't love your husband and you need to set him free to find someone that will be true to him.
twice_shy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 By the way, it must be a torture to tell your husband that you slept with someone but not the idendity of that someone. Everytime your H see a man who's a friend of yours or a co-worker of yours, he is going to picture him sleeping with you. Exactly! Now every man she talks to, he'll wonder if thats the man she spread 'em for.
twice_shy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Ok, never mind to all of you. Maybe you should go back and read my entire story. I was feeling closure and wanted to express that to all of you who helped me at that time. Now I'm feeling like none of you have any idea of what I'm talking about. Should not have even gotten back in here. You were feeling closure? How were you feeling that and letting us know? By going on that tirade about how you can't breath without the OM and how much you desire him and are in love with him? Or did you forget you told us those things?
twice_shy Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Except you didn't tell your H who it was, you told him what you wanted him to know. Your H is a good man. Yes, he sounds like it. I'd like to meet him and take him out for a beer and discuss how things can be MUCH better.
theycallmeprincess Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 The thing is the MM may or may not be a sociopath, so what? His sociopath tendencies probably affected the OP after the affair began, but I highly doubt it had anything to do with the affair beginning in the first place. The OP said they had had an emotional rel'ship for 5+ years and would talk on the phone for hours etc... The MM being a sociopath played no part in the OP getting naked and sleeping with him, and only did his tendencies arise after she pursued him and he cut her off. I can, however, appreciate the fact the OP did come on here to warn those against people like this, because the unfortunate truth is there are more unfeeling/uncaring people in this world then not and we should all beware, but when it comes to having an affair...The OP made that decision all on her own.
Event Horizon Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Okay, I'll play devil's advocate and assume everything she says is true: I wonder if when being honest with her husband she admitted how easily she can be tricked into spreading her legs at work. He should know that too for future reference. My guess? This guy ended it with her TOTALLY and she has reached the anger phase. E..H
81West Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I did not diagnose this man. Three people in mgt at my company did. He is now being watched like a hawk. He is soooo smooth. Hi Zoo. I'm glad to be able to be an empathetic ear as I know they can be hard to come by in these situations. Hang in there. I wanted to mention a book I read co-written by an internationally reknowned expert on sociopathy called 'Snakes in Suits'. It's specifically geared toward issues relating to sociopaths in the workplace and as such it may be of some help to you if you and others have read this guy right. I got it my local library. An earlier work by him titled 'Without Conscience' is also a great resource. That one I bought.
81West Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Just a quick note to Zoomarch. My last relationship was with a man who displayed almost all the tendencies in your Sociopath list. I wasn't cheating on anyone, but I did find myself drawn into something that was very bad for me, destructive, financially straining, and downright embarrassing. How could I get involved with such a person? How could I have been so stupid, gullible, you name it... That's the universal experience of those victimized by sociopaths. Never feel like you are alone, or that you ever had a chance at being adequately equipped for this before you lived it. From Dr. Robert Hare's 'Without Conscience': The victims keep asking: “How could I have been so stupid? How could I have fallen for that incredible line of baloney?” And, of course, if they don’t ask it of themselves, you can be sure that their friends and associates will ask “How on earth could you have been taken in to that extent?” The usual answer: “You had to be there” simply does not convey the whole thing.
81West Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 The thing is the MM may or may not be a sociopath, so what? His sociopath tendencies probably affected the OP after the affair began, but I highly doubt it had anything to do with the affair beginning in the first place. The OP said they had had an emotional rel'ship for 5+ years and would talk on the phone for hours etc... The MM being a sociopath played no part in the OP getting naked and sleeping with him, and only did his tendencies arise after she pursued him and he cut her off. I can, however, appreciate the fact the OP did come on here to warn those against people like this, because the unfortunate truth is there are more unfeeling/uncaring people in this world then not and we should all beware, but when it comes to having an affair...The OP made that decision all on her own. My god, a few of you are talking straight out of your ass here. Sociopaths make up an estimated 1 to 4 % of the population, and are not part of some garden variety "more than not" populus. This is an extreme, well masked, alien personality structure that puts it's victims through an emotional meat grinder to aquire whatever it seeks. The OP has never said it was all his fault, she's just correctly shared the degree to which his presumed sociopathy was a mitigating force in the affair. And if this guy is indeed a sociopath you can bet your life that it had a whole lot to do with the affair beginning in the first place, as the OP would have been targeted, groomed and finally conquered, most likely for sex, personal power and professional advantage.
NoIDidn't Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 That's the universal experience of those victimized by sociopaths. Never feel like you are alone, or that you ever had a chance at being adequately equipped for this before you lived it. From Dr. Robert Hare's 'Without Conscience': The victims keep asking: “How could I have been so stupid? How could I have fallen for that incredible line of baloney?” And, of course, if they don’t ask it of themselves, you can be sure that their friends and associates will ask “How on earth could you have been taken in to that extent?” The usual answer: “You had to be there” simply does not convey the whole thing. Not to jump on the bandwagon here, but I feel that my ex is some sort of sociopath or narcissist. I, too, felt unprepared for his craftiness afterwards with hindsight being 20/20 and all. BUT, my own neediness led me down that path to begin with. There were plenty of things that I could have done differently. He may have had a plan, but it didn't have to work out as he planned if I wasn't so needy and easily read. So, I am not saying that he isn't a sociopath, just that she still needs to look at her part of this situation. And being tricked into it isn't the only thing. Because truly, a real sociopath isn't going to waste 5 years wooing you just for sex.
81West Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Not to jump on the bandwagon here, but I feel that my ex is some sort of sociopath or narcissist. I, too, felt unprepared for his craftiness afterwards with hindsight being 20/20 and all. BUT, my own neediness led me down that path to begin with. There were plenty of things that I could have done differently. He may have had a plan, but it didn't have to work out as he planned if I wasn't so needy and easily read. So, I am not saying that he isn't a sociopath, just that she still needs to look at her part of this situation. And being tricked into it isn't the only thing. Because truly, a real sociopath isn't going to waste 5 years wooing you just for sex. I agree absolutely that all successful predators need vulnerable prey. In the case of sociopaths, it's often trusting people who are a little lonely or who have little cracks in their self esteem. And I don't think anybody suggested he spent 5 years wooing her for sex. We don't have enough details to know, but one thing for sure is that those hours of phone calls over years that were the building of a friendship and history and emotional connection for the OP would be nothing of the sort for a sociopath. Could have been as simple as using her as a distraction to pass the time, or manipulating her for professional purposes, or grooming her for more at a later time if required. Maybe a little bit all of those things, and more. And whether or not the OP has made it clear, I don't think anybody emerges from such a thing without examining and acknowleding their own part in it. Sociopaths strip you of virtually all your power and will, and when you have recovered enough to stand up and say that you were victimzed and that you won't be victimized by that person again that's healing, not blame shifting.
NoIDidn't Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 And whether or not the OP has made it clear, I don't think anybody emerges from such a thing without examining and acknowleding their own part in it. Sociopaths strip you of virtually all your power and will, and when you have recovered enough to stand up and say that you were victimzed and that you won't be victimized by that person again that's healing, not blame shifting. Again, not jumping on a bandwagon, just stating my thoughts and opinion. The part I bolded is the reason why I think many here feel she is blame-shifting. She was not stripped of all of her power or of her will. Like I said, I thought the worst of my ex. He definitely preyed upon me and many other girls when I dated him. He still does. But he is certainly not a sociopath. And it doesn't heal me to feel that he is. It really just feels like placing the blame on him for my own naivete in falling prey to him. While not attacking Zoo, I just don't feel that the label of sociopath is being fair to her AP. Just because she got sucked in doesn't make him a sociopath. Just because some people in management (more than likely not mental health professionals as well) called him that, doesn't make it the case either. Maybe he's just your run of the mill jerk. Sociopath just sounds too strong. And so it comes off as blame-shifting. IMHO.
81West Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Sociopath just sounds too strong. And so it comes off as blame-shifting. IMHO. Hi ya. You're right, 'sociopath' may be too strong, and he could be just your average smooth talking run of the mill jerk. However true sociopaths absolutely exist in our society, and though their numbers are comparatively small the devastation they wreak is significant. Based on what the OP has shared, it's completely credible that this man may indeed fit the mold. The career profile is typical, the building up and tearing down of he OP's self esteem is right, the exertion of personal power is right, the emotional manipulation is right, the orgininal sense of "turmoil" is right, and so on. Based on what she has shared there is no compelling reason to dismiss her claim. Because of that my instinct is to err on the side of empathy and respond to her as a victim - because if this guy is a sociopath it's 100% certain that she was victimized. Being victimized is different from being blameless. It's like screaming at a rape victim because she was out alone on the street drunk at 3:00 am and dressed provocatively. Errors in judgement and poor choices don't take away from the gravity of the crime or the fact that the victim is a victim. It's rare, blessedly, but it happens. If it has in this case most posters on this thread are waaaay off, and way off in a particularly callous manner.
Owl Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 My question for the OP still remains... Does she feel that her belief that this guy was/is a sociopath negates any responsibility on her part for the affair? From my perspective, it doesn't matter if you call him a jerk, a sociopath, or a milk sandwhich...none of that actually changes the dynamics of the situation.
OWoman Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 From my perspective, it doesn't matter if you call him a jerk, a sociopath, or a milk sandwhich...none of that actually changes the dynamics of the situation. I'm very wary of "pop psychology" diagnoses - whether made by the arb collection of lay people in "management" or by a bunch of posters on an internet forum. Unless a full, proper diagnosis has been made by properly qualified mental health professionals in an appropriate setting, it's as reliable as guessing tomorrow's weather. It's certainly nothing to base your actions or decisions on, unless they don't matter too much to you one way or another. I've been hypnotised. Under hypnosis you cede control to the hypnotist and allow yourself to follow the instructions given. But the decision to cede control is a very conscious one - one some people are simply unable to make, hence their inability to "go under" - and one you can retract at any time when you if you feel uncomfortable with something you are being asked to do. If the MM in question was some kind of psychological aberrant, of whatever description, the OP still chose at some point to cede control to him. That may have been out of naivete or ignorance or any of a myriad reasons; the fact was, it was a choice and if the OP is susceptible in that way, it's something that needs to be addressed to prevent a recurrence. If, on the other hand, she didn't choose to cede control and was in fact in full control but acting out of character for her own other reasons, that's a different scenario with different implications. When someone does something they intend never to do again, understanding why and how they CHOSE to do it helps to prevent them doing so next time. Ignoring their agency does not help them prevent a recurrence; it places them on the level of small children with no agency who exist at the whim of the world. Ultimately, it's disempowering and prevents one from moving forward. To address your issues, you first have to own them.
Meaplus3 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Have you ever considered coming clean with your H about this affair? AP:) I don't know if any of you remember me. But I posted the following thread about a year ago. Please read this thread and then read my update at the bottom: Living in daily turmoil I need some sound advice on how to suppress feelings before I literally go insane. I have never suffered from depression, have never been on medication & have never seen a Psychiatrist – but find myself experiencing & considering all of the above. I guess I’m a prideful person & am looking for private advice here. To recap my situation, I am a MW, of over 17 years to the most wonderful H & father of my children. He is & has always been there emotionally & physically for me. I’ve always been his #1 priority. He’s never let me down. I made the biggest mistake of my life & it has rocked my world to the point where I can barely function. On a routine business trip, I allowed a 5+ year friendship w/ a co-worker to turn into an affair. This OM also has children. He & I grew very close as friends – talking daily on the phone for hours – we both knew there was something deeper there but had never discussed it. After the first night that we were intimate, it only made our feelings grow stronger. We connect on an emotional, professional & physical level that I’ve never experienced before. After months of going back & forth with this guy on our feelings, we both agreed that we could not destroy two families. That we had made choices very early on in life & that we needed to honor those commitments. We are both religious which also played a huge part in that decision. Combined with the fact that we still both love our spouses. I will admit, I do not love my H in the same way I do this OM, however, I cannot imagine my life w/o my H. I will also admit that I don’t think this OM could/would treat me as well as my H does emotionally. A few mths ago, I finally told my H, but to this day, I have not told him who it is despite his persistence in knowing. I took him to a remote location over night, away from our children, so he could react as he saw fit. I was prepared for anything he wanted to throw at me…. Leaving me, humiliating me, whatever. I felt he had the right to take back the power I had taken from him when I cheated on him. Amazingly, after two nights & two days of both of us crying, he told me he loved me with every fiber of his being & he forgave me & said he knew something had been wrong with me; he assured me that he wanted to get past this. Here is my problem: I know all the experts say that you must cut off all contact, however, this OM & myself are in high level positions; both making very high incomes. I also love my job & have been in the same company for years. I am so ashamed to say this next part but this is where I need the help: I think about the OM constantly. All day long. All night long. It’s like I’m trapped & don’t know how to suppress these feeling I have for him. I almost ache to be with him; when I think about him & when I’m missing him so bad (which is daily), I start crying uncontrollably – this from a woman who never used to cry… It has ruined my life because I want to be with him all the time. I am no longer happy at all. Everything I do, I want to do with him. I crave his touch, his kiss & just to hear his voice. I feel like I “need” him like I need to breathe. Again, all this said, I can’t imagine hurting my H again by telling him that I am actually in love with this OM. My H is such a good man. Why can’t I love him; have passion for him the way I do this OM? I would give anything to feel about my H the way I do about the OM. For those of you wondering, the OM isn’t even as attractive, or as in shape as my H. As far as the OM’s feelings? He closed down our private email account & says he cannot tell me how he feels anymore. He says it only makes everything resurface. He has told me he cannot see me face to face because he says there is no way he can resist me. He has looked me in the eye so many times & told me he loved me. He has told me he never even thought a love like ours existed. So I am the one suffering professionally from this because I’m the one who will no longer show up for professional meetings. This could ruin my career – but there’s no way that he will not show to a meeting. I have to make that sacrifice which I think is unfair, but I know if we are in the same place, at the same time, we will definitely end up in bed. This should be simple, right? Just accept that it’s over & move on? How can I suppress these feelings? Any sound advice would be appreciated. Please don’t beat me up as I’ve done that to myself for over a year. ___________________________ I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WILL HELP ANYONE BUT I HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN CLOSURE AND I WANTED TO SHARE THIS WITH ALL OF YOU! If you go back through the threads of the above post, you will see many who tried to help me. What I didn't know, is that I was dealing with a Sociopath. I still work with this man. Here are the characteristics of a Sociopath: Profile of the Sociopath This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths. Glibness and Superficial CharmManipulative and Conning They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.Grandiose Sense of Self Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."Pathological Lying Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.Incapacity for LoveNeed for Stimulation Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.Callousness/Lack of Empathy Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.Irresponsibility/Unreliability Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.
theycallmeprincess Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 My god, a few of you are talking straight out of your ass here. Sociopaths make up an estimated 1 to 4 % of the population, and are not part of some garden variety "more than not" populus. This is an extreme, well masked, alien personality structure that puts it's victims through an emotional meat grinder to aquire whatever it seeks. The OP has never said it was all his fault, she's just correctly shared the degree to which his presumed sociopathy was a mitigating force in the affair. And if this guy is indeed a sociopath you can bet your life that it had a whole lot to do with the affair beginning in the first place, as the OP would have been targeted, groomed and finally conquered, most likely for sex, personal power and professional advantage. Well it seems my ass has some good things to say! I never said sociopaths make up the majority of society, I said uncaring/unfeeling people tend to be more common than not. We don't know if the MM is indeed a sociopath, or just a very selfish, self centered individual. I certainly would NOT bet my life that a sociopath took 5 plus years to groom and conquer the OP for what??? Sex??? The OP never mentioned anything about the MM gaining professional advantages, other than the OP's missing out on some work meetings because she couldn't control herself in the presence of the MM. I still stand by what I originally said, that being, sociopath or not, she chose to engage in the affair, and I highly doubt "brain washing" had anything to do with it.
Recommended Posts