Fuchsiaeyelashes Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 How does one say this....? I am marrying my guy next month, so I love him. and I assume he loves me. well, I know he loves me. But.... Our sex life sucks. He has no sex drive. I, on the other hand love sex. I want it. I think about it all day at work, I think about it when I am on the potty, when I am visiting my little old granny. How can I make him want me? Let me describe his sexual preference. him on bottom, me doing the work. and he only likes it when i "squat" sometimes i will try to do other things, but he tells me to "strandle him." i mean i will give him the best darn BJs in town, and nothing in return. he used to do things for me, back in the first few months of dating, not any more. if i even bring it up he will yell at me... (and by the way, he doesn't get "his" through BJs. he said he has never and will never.) ANYWAY. the point is, it makes me feel unwanted, insecure and ugly. i have tried outfits, toys, locations, sending naughty pics on his phone, sending naughty messages, dressing hott for work, talking to old guy friends (just to make him jealous or realize what he has.) I mean I am a attractive, young girl.... whats the deal? How can I get him to beg for it. Any suggestions? Do I bore him?
Moose Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 How does one say this....? I am marrying my guy next month, so I love him. and I assume he loves me. well, I know he loves me. But.... Our sex life sucks. He has no sex drive. I, on the other hand love sex. I want it. I think about it all day at work, I think about it when I am on the potty, when I am visiting my little old granny. How can I make him want me? Let me describe his sexual preference. him on bottom, me doing the work. and he only likes it when i "squat" sometimes i will try to do other things, but he tells me to "strandle him." i mean i will give him the best darn BJs in town, and nothing in return. he used to do things for me, back in the first few months of dating, not any more. if i even bring it up he will yell at me... (and by the way, he doesn't get "his" through BJs. he said he has never and will never.) ANYWAY. the point is, it makes me feel unwanted, insecure and ugly. i have tried outfits, toys, locations, sending naughty pics on his phone, sending naughty messages, dressing hott for work, talking to old guy friends (just to make him jealous or realize what he has.) I mean I am a attractive, young girl.... whats the deal? How can I get him to beg for it. Any suggestions? Do I bore him?He'd be begging by now if you wouldn't have already had sex with him before marriage......should've held off on that...
Nevermind Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 He yells at you if you bring up sexual favours? Couple counceling. ASAP.
Author Fuchsiaeyelashes Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 Well, he yells because he feels that I should respect him and his wishes when he doesn't want sex... but my advances are turned down, and it discourages me. Then he asks why I don't advance on him anymore. so its like a stand still between us. Sometimes we both want it, but neither of us will make a move.
Nevermind Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 You should talk about those things, calmly. You both need to know where you stand any why before marriage. Or else, it will turn sour very soon.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 How old are the two of you? If he's in his twenties, he should be ready to go at the drop of a hat. Either there's a medical condition happening, the two of you have incompatible drives or you have serious issues in your relationship. Has he seen a doctor?
BrooklynBridge Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Well, he yells because he feels that I should respect him and his wishes when he doesn't want sex... but my advances are turned down, and it discourages me. Then he asks why I don't advance on him anymore. so its like a stand still between us. Sometimes we both want it, but neither of us will make a move. Hate to put this in your mind, could it be that he's getting his sex elsewhere?? That's usually a strong indicator of cheating.....
Lizzie60 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 This means HUGE trouble.. DO NOT get married.. or else you'll be miserable for the rest of your life with him... Unless he 'smartens' up.. tell him you will not step into marriage... period. Imagine if it's like that BEFORE marriage you can imagine how it will be after.. ZERO.. NONE! Time to have a 'serious' talk with him.. and I mean 'serious' .. do not give up to his stupid excuses.. either he changes or you're out... IMO.. he is a lazy and selfish lover.. he wants the 'candy' but doesn't want to do any work for it.. it's all about him.. I do not envy you my dear.. you're in for a looooong borrrring sex life with this guy..
luvmy2ns Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I'd cancel the wedding... Seriously Totally agree with this.
justine4 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I agree. Its bothering you now - imagine a lifetime commitment? Something needs to be said because as it will cause huge problems in the future. I know this is completely off the wall, but there isn't any pressure involved in getting married is there? Just a thought, and I could be completely off the mark, however, is there any chance he could be either gay or bi? I know another member suggested he might be getting it elsewhere, but if the girl hes going to marry is going to all that effort and he's not interested, that sets alarm bells off to me....
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I wonder if this guy is secretly into BDSM. He might need the added stimulation of control.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Do not get married. This is a SERIOUS issue that is only going to get worse. Sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker for me.
burning 4 revenge Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I wonder if this guy is secretly into BDSM. He might need the added stimulation of control. No I think you were closer in your first post I have trouble popping during bj's and I have venous leak. I also have trouble popping it during intercourse sometimes, but never during masturbation. It can be disouraging and caused my last relationship to be destroyed. Well that and she was a c*nt, but thats another thread I just mention this because it sounds familiar Eyelashgirl, go with him to a urologist. You both should be aware of what you're getting into. You both deserve that much
Enema Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Gotta agree with the others. If there's no sexual compatibility and he's not willing to admit that it's a problem and work on it, you shouldn't get married. Marry CaliGuy.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 No I think you were closer in your first post I have trouble popping during bj's and I have venous leak. I also have trouble popping it during intercourse sometimes, but never during masturbation. It can be disouraging and caused my last relationship to be destroyed. Well that and she was a c*nt, but thats another thread I just mention this because it sounds familiar Eyelashgirl, go with him to a urologist. You both should be aware of what you're getting into. You both deserve that much It's all guesses on all our parts. It can't hurt to rule in or out the medical possibilities. Another vote for you to marry Caliguy. I'm guessing he's got what it takes to please you.
Jilly Bean Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I'd cancel the wedding... Seriously +1. These are issues too large to be attacked a month before the wedding. In fact, these are serious deal-breakers, not marriage-makers.
sally4sara Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 He sounds very selfish in bed. He sounds very pompous and controlling out of the bed..... Why are you willing to marry him anyhow? Seriously. Why?
burning 4 revenge Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 It's all guesses on all our parts. It can't hurt to rule in or out the medical possibilities. Another vote for you to marry Caliguy. I'm guessing he's got what it takes to please you. It is all guesses, but I just think we should be careful about judging this from a distance From my own experience the woman I was with started out saying I was a selfish and graduated to accusing me of being gay. Mind you Id been living with her for several months. Then that b*tch told all of her girlfriends in our mutual workplace that she thought I was gay. My sister also worked there. Then she started an affair with a married co-worker while I was still living with her. It turned out after exhaustive testing that I had significant venous leakage fo a man my age. The doctor postulated it may be Peyronies, but before further testing could be done to evaluate whether Id be a good candidate for ligation surgery I lost my insurance The resulting bitterness and self hatred caused me to do things I would never have done otherwise. Things I posted here that were totally out of character just to further the humiliation to the maximal degree My point in being so candid is we should hold off on accusations and judgements. If he doesn't agree that there is a problem and do something about it before they tie the knot that would be selfish, but I think she needs to be gentle in approaching this if she really loves him
Trialbyfire Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 It is all guesses, but I just think we should be careful about judging this from a distance From my own experience the woman I was with started out saying I was a selfish and graduated to accusing me of being gay. Mind you Id been living with her for several months. Then that b*tch told all of her girlfriends in our mutual workplace that she thought I was gay. My sister also worked there. Then she started an affair with a married co-worker while I was still living with her. It turned out after exhaustive testing that I had significant venous leakage fo a man my age. The doctor postulated it may be Peyronies, but before further testing could be done to evaluate whether Id be a good candidate for ligation surgery I lost my insurance The resulting bitterness and self hatred caused me to do things I would never have done otherwise. Things I posted here that were totally out of character just to further the humiliation to the maximal degree My point in being so candid is we should hold off on accusations and judgements. If he doesn't agree that there is a problem and do something about it before they tie the knot that would be selfish, but I think she needs to be gentle in approaching this if she really loves him I'm sorry to hear all this b4r. It's very unselfish of you to post all this, so the OP and anyone else, might get the benefit of your experiences. Your ex was/is a total bitch!
Explorer Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I COMPLETELY disagree with all posters who say not to marry. That is BOLD advice based on minimal perception of a situation. It's ridiculous! Maybe that's why we're all on LoveShack. Don't get what we want then run. Whatever happened to working things out when you have a problem? My God...... FUCHSIEYELASHES, remember you're on a website where prob 90% + people have been hurt. Most responses will reflect this. Moving on.......... My opinion: I believe another poster mentioned this - he's lazy. You give sex too easily and obey his commands when he asks, which in turn reduces the challenge of sexual gratification. Tease him (Not obviously) and don't give him sex for 2 - 4 weeks. Continue this pattern until the tables turn. If the tables do not turn, there's prob a medical condition or he does not find you sexually attractive. Since he's marrying you, I doubt it's the latter. fuchsieeyelashes, EVERYONE has relationship problems. You will not grow and take the realtionship to the next level until you COMMUNICATE and SOLVE the problems TOGETHER. Good Luck!
sally4sara Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 It is all guesses, but I just think we should be careful about judging this from a distance From my own experience the woman I was with started out saying I was a selfish and graduated to accusing me of being gay. Mind you Id been living with her for several months. Then that b*tch told all of her girlfriends in our mutual workplace that she thought I was gay. My sister also worked there. Then she started an affair with a married co-worker while I was still living with her. It turned out after exhaustive testing that I had significant venous leakage fo a man my age. The doctor postulated it may be Peyronies, but before further testing could be done to evaluate whether Id be a good candidate for ligation surgery I lost my insurance The resulting bitterness and self hatred caused me to do things I would never have done otherwise. Things I posted here that were totally out of character just to further the humiliation to the maximal degree My point in being so candid is we should hold off on accusations and judgements. If he doesn't agree that there is a problem and do something about it before they tie the knot that would be selfish, but I think she needs to be gentle in approaching this if she really loves him Before the calling you selfish and way before wondering if you were gay, did she ever bring up her sexual dissatisfaction and concerns about it only to be yelled at by you and told that you wanted it when you wanted it and she shouldn't bother you about her concerns anymore? I find it hard to believe that a guy who would have your condition would have ever gone to the doctor to find out if he had the attitude the OP says her fiance has. If he doesn't want her bothering him with her sexual needs then I really doubt he is going to enjoy her bothering him to go see whats wrong with him. How did you decide to go have yourself checked out? One of my female friends has been married for 6 years and they've been trying with no success. She had herself checked and all systems are go but she can't get her husband to keep and appointment to do the same. I don't think or know if he has the same issue, but I'm wondering how she can get him to go without making him feel like she think his uhhh, manhood isn't so manly after all.
imbewildered Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 You give sex too easily and obey his commands when he asks, which in turn reduces the challenge of sexual gratification. Tease him (Not obviously) and don't give him sex for 2 - 4 weeks. Continue this pattern until the tables turn. The "tables" will not turn - I am amazed at women's inflated opinion of their abilty to create lust in a man where none exists. Ladies you do not have the power that you would like to believe that you have. Men lust after a woman because WE find you ATTRACTIVE - we like the way that you look, talk, walk and act. The advice from Explorer above sounds like it was lifted out of some supermarket women's magazine - its is awful and manipulative and it misses the whole point. To the OP . The guy does not want to have sex because his DESIRE for you has dropped thru the floor. You can tease and tantalize and dress up in dolls clothes till you are blue in the face and withhold all you like, BUT the reality is that his desire to F**k you has all but disappeared and no amount of 'girly games' will reverse that - EVER. DO not marry this guy - he will cheat in the marriage and so will you. Tough break girl..
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