thekid55 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Hello. I'm a 19 year old college freshman. Freshman year was a great year for me. Good grades, friends, etc. I met this really fun, awesome girl in February and it evolved to being more than from March till the end of the school year (May). We spent a lot of time together, had a great time, very sexual, etc. We did everything that couple do, except have a title. I met her family, she met mine, shared a bed every night, we were both truly happy. It was a tearful goodbye when she left for the summer. Summer comes along and within the first week, she tells me that she can't give me 100%. Until then, we had been talking everyday and we continued to speak everyday. As soon as she got home, her ex boyfriend had been calling her non-stop. They dated for a year in high school and broke up in January. While she is over him, but she has seen him at a lot of places because they have the same friends. He has made a huge deal because she has me now and has even got his friends to make to a big deal about it. He has pinned his drug addiction on her. He even tried to kiss her one night and she ended up slapping him and he called her a "c Unt". So after sitting there and listening to these problems for 2 weeks, I tell her that she needs to do something about it because I don't want to hear about them anymore and the situation is avoidable. This leads to a huge argument where she tells me that I "lecture" her on what to do rather than just listen to her. And I tell her that she needs to do something about the ex. And we've never had an actual fight...every problem has been centered with this ex. So she ends up telling me that she can't do this with me anymore. 5 days go by, I call her and talk to her since I had this trip planned to come see her. I tell her that I am coming now to visit my room mate who lives nearby and she suggests that I come out to lunch with her beforehand. I agree and lunch happened last Friday. It was so awkward. She wasn't being herself. And it really bothered me. At one point, I asked her if we were okay now. And that led to opening the flood gates with problems. And she said that I was trying to tell her what to do by not going where her ex is. And I simply told her that I didn't want her to be upset. And she says that he is in her group of friends so she can't avoid him. I did get a bit needy at times when I would say "Let's just go back to normal" and she would say that it is not that easy. Lastly, as she was taking me to my room mates, she tells me that she is totally over her ex, but she is not over the relationship she had with him. He has this drug addiction, gets into a lot of trouble, and is going to community college next year to be closer to her. (Our school is 2 hours away). I got pretty mad because I asked her why she got involved with me in the first place and she told me that she was totally over him but the problem came to surface when she got home. That's why she told me she couldn't give me 100% Recap: She told me on the trip that she still really likes me a lot, but she can't fully commit to me. She told me not to wait for her because she doesn't know how long it'll be. She also said that she goes out drinking most nights to get away from her problems. She really doesn't talk to many of her friends from school and her job hasn't started yet. It is almost like she is in a state of depression. I told her that she just needs time to let things go and having the job will help. The last time I spoke to her was on Saturday afternoon, asking about her day and she asked about my room mate's. It was an upbeat conversation, but I think I need to stop initiating contact. Maybe not to the extreme of NC, but I will respond to her if she contacts me. And just be myself. I think this situation just needs time since we weren't together for very long before the summer came. Plus, I'm not going to pressure her and just walk away. I've made my attempts to try to get things to work. If anything, I would just want things to go back when we get to school. Gives her a solid 2 1/2 months to get over her last relationship and allows me time to explore other options. We are 5 hours apart during the summer rather than 5 doors down during school. Advice?
northstar1 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 No one?????????? At this point, she's told you where her head is at. Only thing you can really do is to leave her alone for now. She knows your feelings. You need to just focus on your own summer and plans.
sparktonSS Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Hey man...I she definitely has some problems that she needs to take care of. She obviously is not over her ex...dont let her tell you that she is over him but not their relationship...that means that she still ISNT OVER HIM, period. I personally would have no contact. I would not sit there while she is with/hanging out with her ex. But, you said that you dont want no contact, so in this case, I would just respond with very short answers: Her: Hey...how are you doing? You: Great! Her: Cool...so whats up? You: Just hangin out Her: ...Oh...hows your roommate? You: Good Her: So I talked to my ex...he called me a cunt again. You: Oh, what a shame. Listen, I got to be going. Bye. I would absolutely not initiate contact with her though.
Author thekid55 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 Yeah I hear you...I'm not going to initiate any contact with her... She IMed my away message the other day and said "Wait I think the Celtics won...hahaha" since she is a boston fan...I didn't respond to it, but I guess she is trying to keep things upbeat.
Recommended Posts