Being comfortable with yourself

[goober_20]

Okay so i went on date with a girl is was really into. We had met online but formed an instant bond and became really close.

 

Neway the date went great, we spent 6 hours together shopping, having a laugh and generally having a good time. We made out a few times and held hands pretty much constantely. I left the date pretty much all smiles and text her a while after saying i had a good time and that i would like to do it again sometime.

 

But she text me back saying she thought i didnt seem comfortable with who i am and that she couldnt date someone who was like that.

Though it hurt being told that, i realise its true, i care way to much about what people think. I am a lesbian and i do hide this a lot and i think this is what annoyed her, she wants to kiss in the street and though i will do it, i am more hesitant.

 

I guess i have a lot of issues with who i am and though i know this forum is largely a straight community, i think being comfortable with yourself is something we all have to do.

 

Does anyone have any idea how i could maybe accept myself a bit more so this doesnt keep happening.

 

I realize that this is worded wrong but its hard to articulate what im trying to say.

Thank you.

[Capricciosa]

You know, you are allowed to take things at your own pace, like PDAs. Though I don't feel the need to hide my straightness from anyone, I don't necessarily want to smooch with someone new in the street right away.

 

And accepting and being comfortable with yourself also means feeling comfortable that you have a few issues, or hang ups, or whatever. You're just like everyone else in that way. So don't give yourself too hard a time. And trust that being yourself, while working on the things that you think would make you happier in the world, is the best and the most you can do.

 

Good luck.

[missdeathwish]

I totally agree with Capri. Gay or straight, we all move at different paces. I myself wind up feeling pretty mortified if I make out with someone in a public, highly-trafficked place (it usually only happens when I've had a wee too much). I'm just not comfortable with it. I think it's pretty tacky when I see it, so I don't like doing it myself.

 

You should stay true to yourself. Better that they reject someone who is real than enjoy someone who isn't. (Easy to say, hard to follow. I know.) But honestly, if you're not down with making out in public, or being too physical on the first date, then don't do it.

 

Now, if you were holding back because you didn't want people to know you were a lesbian, then maybe you do have a little bit of self-acceptance (at least public self-acceptance) to do. I don't really have too much to say there, except to take it slowly, one step at a time. It's how the rest of us do it, and how you do it for everything else, right?

 

Good luck to you. In the future, you might want to say, "Hey, I'm not really into PDAs" if your date tries to get too friendly in public. You don't need to offer an explanation, but if you're worried that she'll think you're not into her, you could add, "I think they're tacky" or say that you'd rather make out in a more private place.

 

Good luck!

[D-Lish]

I am just wondering how long you have been dating women? Is this new for you, have you dated men before? Did you go through the whole "I must conform" process before discovering your sexuality? Were there obstacles during your discovery process that have made you feel you had to/have to hide who you are from most people??

 

I know that the term "gay pride" truly means standing up and shouting out to the world- "I love who I am and won't apologize for it"... Perhaps your date sensed that you feel some shame, as if you haven't quite come to terms with being gay yet. Because she obviously has come to terms with it and makes no apologies, dating someone who has not may be more of a project than a dating experience.

 

Don't take that personally- If she sensed you haven't embraced your sexuality fully- she may not want to deal with the ramifications of that.

 

figuring out how to be happy with yourself is a dilemma that is universal- amongst gays and straights alike. It's very important to love who you are first before others can love you.

 

Just curious what your background story is, if you'd like to share it.

D