Author ibisflight Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 Y'all are all over the board, just as my thoughts are. I find some points of truth in each reply, and I appreciate your opinions. As a matter of fact MTraveler - according to him, he "loves" having sex with me....... and?????? Does he like me just a little bit? Or would any unhibited female do? He called five times yesterday because he knew I was sick and again this morning early. Calling could be because he is just that kind of person (he checks on his 91 year old neighbor daily too) or because he really is worried about me. Or maybe he is concerned that his regular sex schedule may vary. Or maybe he just wants to be sure I am really sick - although I've never detected a drop of jealousy or possessive behavior. My "mensa" thing IS a hindrance, because it does not allow me to proceed with any experience or instinct, instead it causes unexpected brain farts that do not connect to points of logic and therefore requires analysis to the point of nanos... Then because human interaction is not an exact science, and I have too little information to make a valid study, it bewilders me. Thanks again all of you for you opinions and advice.
melodymatters Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Um, sorry, but having a genius IQ, does not preclude making healthy emotional choices for one self. I would tell Mr X, pretty much what you've told us and ask him if he could see having an excusive relationship with you. If the answer is no, I would advise you to move on with your life. Of course there is the small chance that this may make him realize that he does indeed want you and only you. Regardless, I can't see wasting my time with a man who takes other woman on trips ! Don't need to be uber mensa to see THAT !
Trialbyfire Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I'm with you mm! Now I'm curious why you needed to mention your mensa status. IQ has nothing to do with EQ, unless you allow it to or view your IQ status as the only thing that defines you. Possibly a little of both?
carhill Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 My personal experience has been that intelligence often interferes with understanding relationships and experiences to be healthy or not emotionally. You'll see that poster of me in the dictionary OP, my original questions were meant to gauge his *interest* in you as a person. If I was interested in you, even as a friend, I would want to embrace the inspiration behind the painting, not merely ask for one and hang it on the wall. I'd want to see it and its message through your eyes. That's part of intimacy. This guy likes having sex with you and apparently you feel similarly. I'd say keep the other intimacies out of it and enjoy the physical part. There's a lot to be said for good sex, especially when one isn't having it
shadowplay Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I'm confused. Does the other woman know about you? Are you satisfied being this dude's mistress? Given all you have going for you, I'm surprised you'd stoop to that level. Btw, a guy saying he loves the sex with you means nothing in terms of his deeper feelings. Also, for all you know he's telling her the same thing!
Author ibisflight Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 Trial.... I mention it because Carhill did, and mentioned his friend as having a blind spot too... and I am agreeing that being intelligent has no bearing on relationships. Not tryin' to be uppidy! Carhill I am leaning in your direction.... What I have now is actually awesome... perhaps I am looking "a gifthorse in the mouth" (carrying on the practice of old sayings) when I put things through such analysis. SO why not just sit back and let the other woman get perturbed? AND I will say again - I do not care about his having sex with someone else.... I just want to be "cared about". I told him last week... "If what just transpired between the two of us is technique... get a patent." My point is it did not FEEL like sex for the sake of sex.
Trialbyfire Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Trial.... I mention it because Carhill did, and mentioned his friend as having a blind spot too... and I am agreeing that being intelligent has no bearing on relationships. Not tryin' to be uppidy! Carhill I am leaning in your direction.... What I have now is actually awesome... perhaps I am looking "a gifthorse in the mouth" (carrying on the practice of old sayings) when I put things through such analysis. SO why not just sit back and let the other woman get perturbed? AND I will say again - I do not care about his having sex with someone else.... I just want to be "cared about". I told him last week... "If what just transpired between the two of us is technique... get a patent." My point is it did not FEEL like sex for the sake of sex. So we're communicating with the same terminology, are you looking for an open relationship with yourself as the person who this man has a primary relationship with?
carhill Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Ah, "cared about"......whole different basket of biscuits... I told him last week... "If what just transpired between the two of us is technique... get a patent." What was his response? Is this a monogamous "cared about" desire or is polyamory acceptable?
Shygirl15 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 The other woman is his priority and you are the side dish. His interest in you is only for the sex, while he is pursuing a relationship with HER. He told you he is surprised that you are so comfortable being treated like the ho, as he knows most women with an intact self-esteem do NOT do tolerate this. My views are 150% the same as the ones above. You sound like a great catch, how comes you got involved in a relationship where another woman is involved in the first place? Is he that good?? So are plenty... Find yourself a good man who pays attention to only YOU, girlfriend. You deserve that.
Author ibisflight Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 I will NEVER marry again and set myself up for financing the other person's retirement. He will never marry again for the same reasons. He also has had bad experiences with "dating" . I have NOT had any bad dating experiences, because I am more leary and avoid all possibility. Two, maybe three dates and I am gone like a knock on the door. He has been a constant fixture since March. We both agree that we do not want to get married. EVER! See no purpose in it unless one or the other is weaker and needs financial backing, or there are to be children. We are both fixed/neutered/spayed so children are no option and neither of us needs the other one for financial stability. So what do I want? I want to be the significant other without papers. I want to be the go-to woman for all his emotional needs, for sex, for good times, bad times, social events, both public and private etc. Do I want to "move in" with him? ... NO. He is a city person, with perfect lawn. I am a country girl dealing bush-hogging fields, usually with bare feet. (Don't be fooled by my bare feet, I can put on black dress and pearls and be ready for the opera in less than 10 minutes.....shower,make-up, panty hose, hair and perfume on the way out the door.) I do not want to insinuate myself into his life. I just want to be completely comfortable in this relationship (if I can call it that) so I can be myself. I want to KNOW what he thinks about me, of me and if he CARES.... he has never said in words, and actions (like the other woman, ) leave me completely confused. He calls most every day. If he doesn't, I think, "Oh well it was good while it lasted." The other woman does not bother me. I have no right to tell someone else what to do with their body. I am only in control of mine. I just need analysis points to determine my standing and his level of caring. Kissing my forhead means this, another action means that.. A+B=C. I do not call him, I do not want to intrude into whatever he is doing..... so he may be as confused as I am. He said I would have to be dying before I called him, and he is right. SO another point to consider is.....am I the one being "unavailable"... am I making it uncomfortable for him? He said smart women intimated him. I told him his kitchen intimindated me. And it does. Oh dear... too many if this, then thats.... and what what means.........if only somebody could define dating nuances...
Trialbyfire Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Have you told him what you've posted, about what you want and expect from him? If so, what was his response? Ultimately, what could he say and do that would make you feel more secure in the relationship and happy?
Author ibisflight Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 Have you told him what you've posted, about what you want and expect from him? If so, what was his response? Ultimately, what could he say and do that would make you feel more secure in the relationship and happy? Most of what's posted has been discussed... right up until what do I want. This is new, even to me. I am confused about it, and not comfortable to change "expectations" mid-stream. Truth be known, I am not positive he is comfortable with having two women..... What would make me feel better??????? ease my agnst? Tell me I'm important to him. Tell me that day after tomorrow, he will still be calling me. Tell me that I MEAN something - in words that cannot be misinterpreted - not rely on gesture or oblique actions which confuse me.
Trialbyfire Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Most of what's posted has been discussed... right up until what do I want. This is new, even to me. I am confused about it, and not comfortable to change "expectations" mid-stream. Truth be known, I am not positive he is comfortable with having two women..... What would make me feel better??????? ease my agnst? Tell me I'm important to him. Tell me that day after tomorrow, he will still be calling me. Tell me that I MEAN something - in words that cannot be misinterpreted - not rely on gesture or oblique actions which confuse me. Then tell him what you want. He will either meet your expectations or not. Isn't it better to know v. agonizing about it?
melodymatters Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I understand and empathise with you Ibis. But I, personally could not have any sort of relationship without the stated caring, committment, and ground rules, as it were, in place. Just make sure you are being honest with yourself in some of your feelings/statements. There is nothing wrong, unhealthy, dependant, or "unevolved" about wanting a committed relationship. Good luck !
ls3360 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I'm confused. Does the other woman know about you? I have the same question.
Trialbyfire Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 He said she was ok with everything, but he wasn't sure about how I felt about her. This past weekend was the first time she has learned about me. I have the same question. Refer to the above quote from the OP. Apparently both women now know about each other.
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