Quiet desperation

[4givrnt4gtr]

Im having a really hard time lately.

 

My bf and I broke up about three weeks ago, almost 4. I broke it off bc I found some weird texts to a random chick.

 

Since then we've been in this whole "lets be friends", followed by "I cant see you as anything less than my girl" (him), then "Lets take it slow and try again" (me), to "Ok, but Its going to be hard for me to not feel ashamed" (him) to finally.."Lets take time away and figure out what we both want, then we'll reconvene" (me). This last phase started last week.

 

Suffice to say ive gone thru every emotion imaginable. Im exhausted.

 

Right now all I feel is deep sadness. Not the volatile tear jerking histerics I felt at the beginning (after all we had discussed getting married.. ). RIght now I just feel sorta numb, but with a heaviness in me. I had a hard time thinking of things to do a few days ago to keep me away from laying face down in my bed staring at nothing like i had done almost every day after work.

Yesterday I couldnt force myself to get up to get to work. I called in and said i would be in later. I finally managed to get off my bed at 11am showered and head like a zombie to work. Its such an ugly feeling.

 

After work all i wanted to do was sleep but i forced myself to get ice cream and pizza and watch tv instead. Afterwards I force myself to go to the gym, but I just felt like everything is so futile. I watch everyone around me and everyone seemed so pathetic, running in place like mice.

 

I guess you could call it quiet desperation.

 

Im not sure why i feel this way, or how to get out of it. I may feel ok for a bit while im busy but surely enough the sadness sets in again as soon as whatever I may be doing is over. I keep checking my email to see if he wrote (even though i told him not to contact me til he figure it out). I guess im so afraid he will leave for good, even though I know that if thats how he feels then it would be the best for both.

 

I just want to get out of this funk....any ideas how to go about it? Forcing myself to do things isnt helping...It just makes me much more depressed. And spending money isnt a possibility as I barely make ends meet anyway.

 

Such sad times

[mollers]

Im having a really hard time lately.

 

My bf and I broke up about three weeks ago, almost 4. I broke it off bc I found some weird texts to a random chick.

 

Since then we've been in this whole "lets be friends", followed by "I cant see you as anything less than my girl" (him), then "Lets take it slow and try again" (me), to "Ok, but Its going to be hard for me to not feel ashamed" (him) to finally.."Lets take time away and figure out what we both want, then we'll reconvene" (me). This last phase started last week.

 

Suffice to say ive gone thru every emotion imaginable. Im exhausted.

 

Right now all I feel is deep sadness. Not the volatile tear jerking histerics I felt at the beginning (after all we had discussed getting married.. ). RIght now I just feel sorta numb, but with a heaviness in me. I had a hard time thinking of things to do a few days ago to keep me away from laying face down in my bed staring at nothing like i had done almost every day after work.

Yesterday I couldnt force myself to get up to get to work. I called in and said i would be in later. I finally managed to get off my bed at 11am showered and head like a zombie to work. Its such an ugly feeling.

 

After work all i wanted to do was sleep but i forced myself to get ice cream and pizza and watch tv instead. Afterwards I force myself to go to the gym, but I just felt like everything is so futile. I watch everyone around me and everyone seemed so pathetic, running in place like mice.

 

I guess you could call it quiet desperation.

 

Im not sure why i feel this way, or how to get out of it. I may feel ok for a bit while im busy but surely enough the sadness sets in again as soon as whatever I may be doing is over. I keep checking my email to see if he wrote (even though i told him not to contact me til he figure it out). I guess im so afraid he will leave for good, even though I know that if thats how he feels then it would be the best for both.

 

I just want to get out of this funk....any ideas how to go about it? Forcing myself to do things isnt helping...It just makes me much more depressed. And spending money isnt a possibility as I barely make ends meet anyway.

 

Such sad times

 

Hi there. I know exactly the feelings you are going through, but I am further down the line now. Me and my ex split up 6 weeks ago, and for the first three weeks (as well as crying and moping) I kept myself busy for fear of having to stop and think about things. I made arrangements to go away with a friend etc and dreaded the days where I didn't have things arranged, as then I would have to face reality.

 

I mentioned on another thread that it felt like an out of body experience, I was doing these things, going through the motions, almost watching myself doing them but not really wanting to do them, doing them because I had to, to keep me from caving in completely.

 

When all the arrangements and activities stopped, I started to take one day at a time, because thinking too far ahead felt like too much too soon. 6 weeks down the line, things are a whole lot better. I have found writing a journal has really helped me to let my thoughts and emotions out and has helped me to see my relationship objectively. I can admit to flaws that were there and it helps me cope better with the break up instead of blaming myself for causing it. I can also see progress over the weeks I wrote in it. I still love my ex and am devastated that my relationship ended, but I have emerged a lot stronger I think.

 

You don't need to spend money, but giving yourself small treats/pamperings will help. And as I said, take one day at a time, set yourself small milestones, as trying to do too much and expecting too much too soon can seem overwhelming.

[critter909]

I really feel for you. I have been feeling like this myself and having severe anxiety to top it off. I'm constantly looking at my phone even though I know there won't be anything there. I've been trying to do the same thing as you, just keeping busy but there doesn't seem to be ever enough to do and in reality I don't want to do any of it. The only thing I can say has actually really helped me is exercise. I have been going running at night to get some of my emotion out, I even usually cry while I'm running. Being physically tired feels good and helps me sleep. I do take a sleeping pill sometimes just to get through the night so I can go to work. If you think you can't get out of it though go talk to someone. You may be medically depressed and can benefit from a psychologist or meds. I have an appt. to go on Friday, I don't think my ex is coming back, and even if he does I don't know how I'll feel, I just know I don't want to go on like this, I need to make changes.

[4givrnt4gtr]

Thank you for replying. Though in a way Im glad im not the only one going thru this (as in, im not crazy), Im sorry you guys are feeling what I feel. I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

Feelings of emptiness are so hideous.

 

Im also a bit mad at myself. When i started this relationship I vow to myself not to let him become my life, so that, in the event that it ended, I could continue like nothing had happened because I would still have what I had before except for him.

I thought I did a good job at keeping my life while with him. What I failed to realized was that he became the best part of it. Even though I have my own job, my own plans etc, he sorta became the icing on the cake. Unfortunately without icing cakes are pretty plain.

 

I keep on telling myself that I'll get thru this, with or without him. That eventually I'll feel better. But in the meantime..what do you guys do? How do you guys get up every morning, go to work and be productive? How do you stand having to put up a "im good" face, even laughing? I guess just little details of living are the toughest. I do it, but i hate it and makes me want to stay in bed and let myself really be and feel what I actually do instead of putting up a facade. Yet i know i cant do that cuz I dont know if i can come out of it and I cannot afford falling into depression.

 

I wonder if I should take a day off and let myself be, then regroup and do what I gotta do. What do you all think?

[Nevermind]

That sounds wonderful. But make some plans, go somewhere you've not been before or something like this. Don't just lay down and die.

[mollers]

I think I just got through (am still getting through) it by setting the little milestones; gave myself little treats to look forward to, kept myself looking good which has really helped me. Bought myself a few nice things, and harsh as it sounds, wrote a list of what was wrong with my relationship. Much as I loved him and still do love him, I have forced myself to focus on the things I won't miss about him, however small these may be. It has made me focus on my self-worth a lot more.

 

You are right, the day to day getting through work etc is the hardest. I look back to week one when I had to keep going into the toilets to cry, and when people's responses on LS made me cry at my desk. Six weeks on this isn't happening. Progress happens without you even realising it.

[4givrnt4gtr]

That sounds wonderful. But make some plans, go somewhere you've not been before or something like this. Don't just lay down and die.

 

Ive been doing this...sorta. Ive been trying to go out, try a new gym, do this, do that. But all i feel that Im doing is avoiding my feelings and it scares me that they will catch up.

So, im thinking to have a grieving day....cry as much as I want, lay down and stare at nothing. Just fully let myself feel the fear, loneliness and sadness Ive been trying to fight off. Have a whole day when I dont have to pretend Im ok, that Im not hurting and that I dont care. Then brush it all off, get up and keep on moving.

Maybe that way I'll be able to stop hating people talking, phones ringing and people running in threadmills. Maybe it'll help keep the cynicism to a minimum.

Anyone has done this before? has it worked for you?

[Nevermind]

Ah, of course. If you never let your grief come through, it is different.

 

It does help. Cry. Moan. Wail. Whatever you need to do. Have some comfort food and movies. Be alone, or ask a really good friend to join you.

 

((hugs))

 

You need to let it all out, once. Or it will eat you up from the inside.

[mollers]

Ive been doing this...sorta. Ive been trying to go out, try a new gym, do this, do that. But all i feel that Im doing is avoiding my feelings and it scares me that they will catch up.

I thought this - wrote a thread saying I was worried that I wasn't really coping and that I was blocking it all out. All I can say is that it hasn't caught up with me yet so I'm hoping that I really am coping!

 

Maybe you are coping a lot more than you think you are?

 

Have a grieving day if you feel it will help you, but would it not also be a good idea to have a 'you' day, where you spoil the hell out of yourself?

[northstar1]

I think I just got through (am still getting through) it by setting the little milestones; gave myself little treats to look forward to, kept myself looking good which has really helped me. Bought myself a few nice things, and harsh as it sounds, wrote a list of what was wrong with my relationship. Much as I loved him and still do love him, I have forced myself to focus on the things I won't miss about him, however small these may be. It has made me focus on my self-worth a lot more.

 

You are right, the day to day getting through work etc is the hardest. I look back to week one when I had to keep going into the toilets to cry, and when people's responses on LS made me cry at my desk. Six weeks on this isn't happening. Progress happens without you even realising it.

 

Thanks for the inspiration, that really helps, I'm still only in week 2

[mollers]

Thanks for the inspiration, that really helps, I'm still only in week 2

 

I'm really pleased to think that helps Northstar1. In the early days I used to wake with a sick/scared feeling in my stomach. I'm glad to say it's gone, it was one of the things I hated most. Not sure what I was scared of, probably being without him, but I wake up without it now.

[northstar1]

I'm really pleased to think that helps Northstar1. In the early days I used to wake with a sick/scared feeling in my stomach. I'm glad to say it's gone, it was one of the things I hated most. Not sure what I was scared of, probably being without him, but I wake up without it now.

Well, at least I know it will get better.

 

I wake up most mornings with that uneasy feeling as well. And lately, she's been in a few dreams.

Even though I know it's well done and was not avoidable due to LDR, I still haven't gotten to the point of accepting that this person will not be a part of my life.

[mollers]

Well, at least I know it will get better.

 

I wake up most mornings with that uneasy feeling as well. And lately, she's been in a few dreams.

Even though I know it's well done and was not avoidable due to LDR, I still haven't gotten to the point of accepting that this person will not be a part of my life.

 

I'm at the point of accepting it; I'm not sure if I'll ever completely understand it and I don't think I'll ever be his friend, but I can honestly say I accept it. You don't have to like it to accept it, but once you do, you will see light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I hated being told these things 6 weeks ago, I felt I would never come to terms with this, but I've got here somehow. Go at your own pace and put yourself first at all times.

[4givrnt4gtr]

I'm really pleased to think that helps Northstar1. In the early days I used to wake with a sick/scared feeling in my stomach. I'm glad to say it's gone, it was one of the things I hated most. Not sure what I was scared of, probably being without him, but I wake up without it now.

Oh i feel this constantly. It feel like nausea to me. and a lot of heaviness in my chest.

Its odd though because I know that if he doesnt come thru im sure eventually i'll find someone who will.

But i guess the whole "pulling the rug from underneath" causes this fear.

I didnt see it coming, i trusted him so blindly. I thought he was a good decent man. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I guess three weeks in is still fresh.

 

I feel bad for people around me though. I hate everyone and everything. I feel that everyone is so stupid and pathetic. I was listening to a coworker/friend talking this morning and all i could think of was "SHUT THE F!! UP!!!"

 

I wonder why im taking it out on people like this....i just feel everything is just so futile and useless...as i was thinking yesterday at the gym, watching people run...Mice in a exercise wheel..going nowhere really fast.

 

I hate this feeling.

[mollers]

Oh i feel this constantly. It feel like nausea to me. and a lot of heaviness in my chest.

Its odd though because I know that if he doesnt come thru im sure eventually i'll find someone who will.

But i guess the whole "pulling the rug from underneath" causes this fear.

I didnt see it coming, i trusted him so blindly. I thought he was a good decent man. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I guess three weeks in is still fresh.

 

I feel bad for people around me though. I hate everyone and everything. I feel that everyone is so stupid and pathetic. I was listening to a coworker/friend talking this morning and all i could think of was "SHUT THE F!! UP!!!"

 

I wonder why im taking it out on people like this....i just feel everything is just so futile and useless...as i was thinking yesterday at the gym, watching people run...Mice in a exercise wheel..going nowhere really fast.

 

I hate this feeling.

 

Oh yes, I recognise all of this, and I can't believe I am actually on here telling you it will get better, because I honestly didn't believe it could get better when it happened to me. Like you, I didn't see it coming either, you were probably in shock for a week, I think I was. Everything seemed futile.

 

I wish I could give you some magic formula and say this will help, but everyone's situation is so different and what works for me may not work for you. All I can say is it is still early days, keep doing what you are doing, you have had a massive change to your routine and it feels unreal. Keep coming on here and venting your frustrations, we're all here to try and help you through this.