heartoutside Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 So I finally asked out this lady I had been eye'n for sometime. I casually asked her via text (I know lame, but that's how she lives her life) if she wanted to go to the movies. I also failed a few times to ask her in person.... Well we did, she was late so I bought the tickets, and we had a good time. Hung out afterwards and had some drinks and talked for a while. I good time just talking and such. She then gives me a ride to my car (i didn't park at the theater) about a mile away. While the car things kind of get a little awk. The conversation isn't as flowing as it was at the bar. WE finally get to my car, and she asks me how much her ticket was and I tell her not to worry about it was my pleasure. She then goes on talking....such as asking for my ID to see how old I really am, and we just continue to talk. I tell her we should do this again only next time I'm picking the movie. She also makes a comment about a club that's by my car, and I tell her I know the owner and that she should pick a day she wants to go and i'll hook it up. Anyway, so she turns the doom light off at somepoint because I'm sitting there with my foot out the door and the door open. She then puts some lip gloss on.....we talk a little more, and finally i say to her goodnight. She tells me to text her when I get home. Now I know I should have probably kissed her goodnight but I didn't. I just simply said goodnight.... When I got home I sent her a text saying I really liked the movie but enjoyed the company more. She wrote back fabulous, did you get home ok? We texted back a little back and forth and said goodnight.... that was on sunday. Now did I mess things up by not kissing her? It just didn't feel like the right place, and I couldn't tell (with the exception of the lip gloss and the dome light) that maybe she wanted a goodnight kiss. 3 people have told that I"m fine, that I didn't mess up... I haven't texted or called, because I don't want to pressure her or seem like I"m pressed......it's been a while since i've been in the dating scene. Any suggestions?
RavenHair Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 So I finally asked out this lady I had been eye'n for sometime. I casually asked her via text (I know lame, but that's how she lives her life) if she wanted to go to the movies. I also failed a few times to ask her in person.... Well we did, she was late so I bought the tickets, and we had a good time. Hung out afterwards and had some drinks and talked for a while. I good time just talking and such. She then gives me a ride to my car (i didn't park at the theater) about a mile away. While the car things kind of get a little awk. The conversation isn't as flowing as it was at the bar. WE finally get to my car, and she asks me how much her ticket was and I tell her not to worry about it was my pleasure. She then goes on talking....such as asking for my ID to see how old I really am, and we just continue to talk. I tell her we should do this again only next time I'm picking the movie. She also makes a comment about a club that's by my car, and I tell her I know the owner and that she should pick a day she wants to go and i'll hook it up. Anyway, so she turns the doom light off at somepoint because I'm sitting there with my foot out the door and the door open. She then puts some lip gloss on.....we talk a little more, and finally i say to her goodnight. She tells me to text her when I get home. Now I know I should have probably kissed her goodnight but I didn't. I just simply said goodnight.... When I got home I sent her a text saying I really liked the movie but enjoyed the company more. She wrote back fabulous, did you get home ok? We texted back a little back and forth and said goodnight.... that was on sunday. Now did I mess things up by not kissing her? It just didn't feel like the right place, and I couldn't tell (with the exception of the lip gloss and the dome light) that maybe she wanted a goodnight kiss. 3 people have told that I"m fine, that I didn't mess up... I haven't texted or called, because I don't want to pressure her or seem like I"m pressed......it's been a while since i've been in the dating scene. Any suggestions? I don't think you messed up. However, in the future, if she's glossing up her lips, it probably means she wants you to kiss her before you part ways
I am who I am Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Well, you didn't "mess up" per se, but you missed a perfect opportunity to escalate the relationship past the "let's be friends" stage. I would contact her sooner than later, since there is a good chance her interest level will be waning quickly, especially if she is unsure of your intentions. Now, that said... I have a lunch date with a girl today, that I have yet to kiss, and it is driving her wild. She is confused as all hell, but that is what keeps her intrigued and interested. Your mileage may vary, and I would never recommend this to anyone.... not even myself, as it is a fine line to walk... push and pull, and maintaining her interest level for more than one date?!?...one slip and the relationship is dead before it gets started. Today, however, is the day to leave on a kiss. Why? Too much waiting, and even I will lose interest.
dreamergrl Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Was this still early that the date ended? I ask because it doesn't seem like she wanted to end the date yet. Continuing to talk, hinting about the club near your car, prolonging it all... I think she's into you. I'd give her a ring
Author heartoutside Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 It was around midnight or so. But we were both super tired because we had partied all weekend (not together). The club was also closed because it was sunday night. But yeah, I got the sense that she didn't want it to end either, and I'm not too sure what my deal is. I did have a nasty break up about a year ago, so maybe i'm just being kind of cautious (inadverently). So it's been about 2 days since the date and our last talking. Probably should see if she wants to do something again this weekend?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Was this still early that the date ended? I ask because it doesn't seem like she wanted to end the date yet. Continuing to talk, hinting about the club near your car, prolonging it all... I think she's into you. I'd give her a ring From first date straight to engagement???? Oh, you meant "ring" as in telephone
carhill Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Yes, call her. I loved dreamergrl's play on "give her a ring". I was getting flashbacks to some LS'er giving a girl a ring (as in jewelry) on the second date Yes, if the second date goes well, kiss her
Author heartoutside Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 So late this afternoon I decided to send her a text, throw a crumb of communication out there so I sent her a text asking if she skipped work the next day like she said she would.....she instantly replied with a "YES!!!!!!!!" But I was at work I couldn't reply for a while. So finally i wrote back, "NICE!!! Sorry if i seemed out of it on sunday, I was wicked tired. I guess i'm getting too old." I had figure she would reply with some kind of grandpa joke like she usually does (she's a few years young then I am), but instead i got nothing.....not a word..... The funny thing is, I wasn't sweating this thing at all last week. Now, after the 1st date, I can't think normal at all...I over analyze everything. I can't even seem to take a step back! I know for a fact, I need to be just playing it like i was last week and the month leading up to this. That is what i need to be doing.... I did just send her a text seeing if she wanted to go to this festival that is near our work on sunday. We both should be working on sunday, and if so we can go before work....so we'll see... whatcha goin do?
Author heartoutside Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 So my reaction yesterday was a perfect example of what being out of the dating scene for 5 years will do to a person! Being in a relationship for almost 4 years, it's been some time since i've been on an actually date or in the situation. But my reaction yesterday was totally uncalled for and is a PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW NOT TO REACT OR THINK! She ended up replying to both my texts' the one about being tired (And she replied exactly how I thought she would) and to my invite for another "date." To be honest, it's easier to just let things happen as they happen. You can't rush anything, or force the issue. If you do, it will end up bit'n you in butt. It almost did with me yesterday. If I had totally over reacted (like that scene in swingers where jon favreau keeps calling that girl and leave'n a message on her machine) and kept texting until I got a reply....that would have been insane (not that I would ever do that!). All in all lesson learned.
saraispiel19 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 ..Any suggestions? ah no first dates can be a little wierd or scary.. i think your fine! Both of you just need to find ways to talk other than a keyboard! good luck next time.. p.s. there is no rule that says you have to kiss goodnight on your first date.
Author heartoutside Posted June 22, 2008 Author Posted June 22, 2008 So the other day, friday this girl calls me just before she's suppose to start her shift at the job we both work at. She asks if I'm working that evening as well and i tell her no, and she gives out a disappointed "oh..." BUt we go on talking for a little while. She tells me that she's been working all day at her other job and that she's wicked tired and that she may call in sick at this job. So just before her shift is to start I send her a text asking if she called in sick, and I get no reply so I assume she didn't. Then around 11:30pm or so I get a text from her saying she didnt' call in, that they just finished their shift and that everyone was heading out to our buddies bar and that I needed to come. I tell her that my car is in the shop and that i need at ride. So replies, Booooooo.......so i ask her if she could swing by and pick me up....she replies back a few mins later that she's already at the bar. But we keep texting back and forth while she's there and she keeps telling me to figure out a way to get there. That if I get there she'll drive me home....then there's a little break in the texting and she sends a text saying, "get here...." The texting stops for a little while, and then around 1 in the morning she sends me a "hi...." and we start up again. She tells me I should have come out, and I tell her that she'll have to tell me about it. And she replies back, I will over pizza sometime (she and I had been talking about going to a pizza fest this weekend, and if we couldn't make that we would go out for pizza). I then tell her talking about pizza is making me hungry to she suggests we get a snack. A few mins later she calls and says that she has to pass on the snack, that she has to get up early the next day. But we talk for a little while and I tell her to get home safe and to give me a call the next day when she's done with her event in the afternoon and we'll talk about maybe going to pizza fest. Well the next day rolls around, and I get a late afternoon text...."Hi!!!!!" I reply back hi, and ask how her event was. She goes on to tell me that it was awesome and asks what I'm up too. I tell her (jokingly) that I'm sitting outside enjoying the sun and listen to records on my old record player (I was actually just sitting on my deck listen to my stereo). She replies back, "oh really...well you have fun with that....C U LATERRR" I leave it be for a little while, and then I text back, are you still at the event? no reply.....so I text, "so I take it that is a no on pizza fest." no reply then about an hour goes by and I get a text saying.... "correctomundo" So i text back, ok. how about pizza sometime this week? And she replies name the place....boy...and it can't be bacci. So i tell her the place....and she replies.."located?" So i tell her where it's at...and she replies.....ummmmm addtressss?" And i tell her that i don't know if off hand, and follow up with a text saying I'm not at home..... No reply to after that... So I go out anyways with some friends. Around 11 or so I decide to send her a text...so I say "hi...." she instantly replies back, "hi there." And again I ask her how her event went (thinking maybe she's sobered up a little). and she replies exciting. I then ask her if she's ever heard of this bar that I've been too (thinking it could lead to a few follow ups questions, and maybe I place for us to go sometime) and she says no, but I take it you have.... I text her saying yeah, they've got some of the best food around. And I get no reply. So I ask what's she up too, and she says she's hanging out on her friends deck.... And I just leave it at that... I have fun with my friends and hang out for alittle more and then head home. I"m not really sure what happened between the night after work and the next day....or if I said something, or didn't say enough. Any suggestions? I don't know what's going on in this girls head!?
carhill Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 Any suggestions? I don't know what's going on in this girls head!? Next time figure out your transportation on your own. Call more, text less. Don't bother trying to figure out what's going on inside her head. You never will
Marcas75 Posted June 22, 2008 Posted June 22, 2008 I think she likes you otherwise she wouldn't bother to text you so much. I'd say go for it and don't think about all these details so much.
Author heartoutside Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 Go for it....I thought I was already was?! I kind of figure that I'll just let it be, and give her a proper call sometime this week and ask her out again. I mean it's obvious she digs me and there is something there.
Author heartoutside Posted June 24, 2008 Author Posted June 24, 2008 I'm starting to wonder if I've fallen into the friend zone. This past weekend she kind of blew me off to say the least, (kind of). So I just let it be, went about my thing for the rest of the weekend and figured I would give her a call today. But then, early yesterday evening while driving home from work, she sends me a text. Using my nick name that she's made up for me, she asks what I"m up too. Instead of texting right back, i run my errands. I eat dinner and have a beer and make some other phone calls, then I call her. I didnt' want to start the texting thing again...... When I call, she excitingly says, "Hello Grandpa!" Which is her other nick name for me because I'm a few years older then her. We go on to talk for a little while, she complains about work and we talk about our families and such. I tell her that my brother is in town and she decides to let me go and spend "family time" with my brother. But before we get off the phone I ask her if we're still on for pizza this week, and she said yeah, sure and I told her I would give her a call later..... Now my question is how do I know if I'm falling into a friend zone? How should I make it clear to her that I'm not looking to be "friends" or is that not even up to me!?
Kamille Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Just ask her out already! I know you think you did, but you haven't. You've hinted at going out. Next time you call, set up a proper date and don't try to read whether she's interested or not in any of the lead up: "I would like to take you out this (Saturday) to this place. I will come pick you up". If whatever day you suggest doesn't work for her, then suggest one alternate day: (what about Thursday?). If that doesn't work, then it is up to her to suggests an alternative. If she doesn't, then consider yourself friendzoned and move on.
Author heartoutside Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 well after a few awkward moments between the two of us at work following her late night texting telling me to come out, we both got over it and went out and had a drink after work. Her best bud from work came with us as well, but he's like a brother to her. I showed up and he already had our drinks ready for us, and had me sitting in the middle (so if he wanted to keep her for himself he would had put himself in the middle)... Through out the night, he kept dropping little hints about flirting and other odd things to say... Anyway, the next day was our company party. I showed up early and she showed up late. When it was time to sit down for dinner she tried coming to my table to sit but everyone had already taken a seat. So the rest of the night she kind of avoided me. I finally walked up to her and we started talking. She instantly said, we should go get pizza and see the fireworks on weds......I was all for it.... She also offered to give me a ride home which I was all for because I thought I would be the last one she would drop off. But i get in the car and realize that she's also taking this other girl home and they both live near each other, so she's not going to come in when we get to my house. She does get out of the car and we talk and gives me a hug. I then tell her that we'll go on weds to get pizza..... About 15mins later she sends me a text jokingly calling me a punk for not inviting her to the party I was going to have at my house after she dropped me off and sends me a little emoticon kiss. Everyone from the company party was coming over to continue the fun. I text her back and tell her to turn around....she doesn't so i tell her I'll make it up too her when we go out for pizza. She's asks how with pizza slices? And I text back, well the pizza is good, but I don't think that will be enough. This i guess grabs her interest and she texts back "continue." But my phone dies......and I couldn't think of anything to say.... well she ended up calling me the next day, yesterday and telling me that she has to move the day up to tonight....... so, still the friendzone?
Jilly Bean Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 God, this is painful to read... When you say a FEW years older, like how many is a few? I find Grandpa to be a rather condescending nickname. Particularly if you are actually that much older than her.
Author heartoutside Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 I'm 6 years older.....also, i own a shirt that says grandpa on it. I'm not sure if she's seen it or not, it's on my myspace page. I really don't take it personally, Why is it so painful to read?
Jilly Bean Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 I'm 6 years older.....also, i own a shirt that says grandpa on it. I'm not sure if she's seen it or not, it's on my myspace page. I really don't take it personally, Why is it so painful to read? Oh, I thought you were more like 60 years older... Its painful because of all your angst over her, all the analysis, all the back and forth. I know Im exhausted reading it - cant imagine what its like to live it! lol I think it's high time to man up, and just kiss her already!!!!
Author heartoutside Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 60.....no offense, but if I hope I never find myself on this website when I'm 60!
Author heartoutside Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 Well she backed out of our date...kind of. I had a contract job for the day that I told her would last until about 7:30pm or so at the latest, but was near where she worked so we could just meet up afterwards. I got done with my job early, around 6, so I went out to have a drink with a friend. A little after, I sent her a text just saying hi... and she hi back and then wrote "I've got bad news cutie pie." So I instantly thought that she was blowing me off again, or that she had gotten drunk with some co-workers and couldn't go out. So I jokingly replied, "what's the excuse this time." And she went on to tell me that she got of work really earlier around 3 and that she didn't feel like sitting around for 4 or 5 hours waiting for me, so she drove to her parents place in the burbs and they took her out to dinner. She then asked when are we going to do this for real?! In a month, in a week, when you get back from your trip (i'm heading out on vacation tomorrow and she's on vacation until today....oddly enough we're both going to the same place!). So I tell her I'll call her in a few and she says "YES,....please do!" So about 3 hours go by, I've been out drinking with my friends, run into to some more friends and just enjoy myself. I get home and I give her a call....we end up talking for well over an hour. She tells me that she wants me to call her when I'm gone, or send her a text, take a picture of a sun set for her......at one point she makes a comment about "friends" and then goes on to say something of the like that I'm not really a "friend," kind of implying that she doesn't see me as a friend or want me to think that we are just friends. Anyway, it was a great conversation, a lot of good signs. But then the next day, I send her a text asking her how her back was (that is the reason she left work early, because she tweaked her back). Not a reply, not a word. That was 4 or 5 days ago. It's kind of odd I guess and I'm not really sure what to think about it? I haven't sent another text since, or even tried calling. I figured she's on vacation, let her enjoy it. We did firm up a day to go out for real, although she kept kind of changing the subject when I tried to get it in stone or have her confirm it. So i figure I'll just call her sometime this week, tell her I'll pick her up and we'll go out! End of story, no excuses on her end!
Ally Boo Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Now my question is how do I know if I'm falling into a friend zone? How should I make it clear to her that I'm not looking to be "friends" or is that not even up to me!? She probably already assumes you are only friends and is just playing it cool. If you like the girl you should tell her. Like drop a hint or something. P.S. Girls like it when you are more assertitive. Bite the bullet.
Author heartoutside Posted July 6, 2008 Author Posted July 6, 2008 Well I kind of thought that as well about a week or so ago, but after we hung out last weekend, and talked this past week, there is definitely a different vibe.....we'll see...
Author heartoutside Posted July 14, 2008 Author Posted July 14, 2008 So she and I had finally had a good date that ended with us having a nice 5 min goodnight kiss at the car and her asking me what took so long! But then yesterday, after we talked on the phone, later in the day i sent her a text asking her how her nap was and she replied an hour or so later saying it was "great" and then asked "how I was? About last night and all?" So I replied that "I enjoyed the other night and that I'm not sorry we kissed but I am sorry I waited so long. And u?" The "sorry" part is a joke because she said on our date that I say sorry too much. She never replied and I passed out because I never got a nap! So I'm not really sure what's up?! Or if I'm just sweat'n nothing!? I figure I'll just give her a call this evening when I get out of work. But it just seems like such an odd thing to say, esp after ending the night so well.
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