borelandkaren Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 U know, I read all of your posts and feel so envious. You all seem to have the capacity that (if you or they chose to) you could go back to the relationship if they contacted you or vice versa. I can never go back because Tony is sick. Who he is and what he has done will never change, regardless of whether I pine for him or not. The things that I know about his past are too etched on my mind. And the things that I don't know but thought I did (because he is such a compulsive liar) are too much on my mind all of the time. I love him so much but can do nothing about it. In a lot of ways, I wish he'd never told me anything, that I'd never pressed him for information but I had to know who he was, all or nothing. And I got.....nothing. In a lot of ways, I wish he'd cheated on me. I could possibly have forgiven this. Doing the things I know he did, I can't.
Nevermind Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I don't know if going back to someone who cheated is such a good thing, that it could be admired. If sedge were to go back - would that be good? If sunshinegirl would go back? Would it bring her happiness? Would kizik suddenly have everything he ever wanted? I doubt it. Every story is different, and those here who have gone through a lot of pain are all in the same boat: it is important for us to close those chapters in our lives, and to get on with our history. Your story is especially hard, and I admire you for the strength you have shown. I can't imagine going through so much and yet be able to give advice and encouragement to others. You should never wish to go back. This is not a question of being able to forgive, but of being able to recognize evil. Your ex is evil. This doesn't make your pain go away, nor the loss of someone that was the centre of your life less real. But - maybe - you can finde solace in the future. Because without him - it can only be better. ((hugs))
Author borelandkaren Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 I don't know if going back to someone who cheated is such a good thing, that it could be admired. If sedge were to go back - would that be good? If sunshinegirl would go back? Would it bring her happiness? Would kizik suddenly have everything he ever wanted? I doubt it. Every story is different, and those here who have gone through a lot of pain are all in the same boat: it is important for us to close those chapters in our lives, and to get on with our history. Your story is especially hard, and I admire you for the strength you have shown. I can't imagine going through so much and yet be able to give advice and encouragement to others. You should never wish to go back. This is not a question of being able to forgive, but of being able to recognize evil. Your ex is evil. This doesn't make your pain go away, nor the loss of someone that was the centre of your life less real. But - maybe - you can finde solace in the future. Because without him - it can only be better. ((hugs)) To All the LSers, Please don't think I'm minimising what anyone has gone through. We've all been through equally hard times. I need to get through (as do we all) what I'm feeling at the moment (PTSD) and I know that one day I will wake up and it will be different. The sense of loss will be gone, replaced with who knows what. Fear of the unknown is a biggie, hey. Thanks NM. You never cease to pull me back up and face the reality of what we are all going through. You're a little gem. ((to u 2)).
ioncebelieved Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 You should never wish to go back. ((hugs)) I agree with that statement 110 percent!!! However, I am stupid, I would probably allow my ex, if I can even call her that back. Unique as it is, she would be the only ex I would allow a chance. But there again, I have not moved on completely and I still love her dearly.
mollers Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 U know, I read all of your posts and feel so envious. You all seem to have the capacity that (if you or they chose to) you could go back to the relationship if they contacted you or vice versa. I don't think I have the capacity to go back. Whilst I still loved my ex when he decided to end the relationship, and in a strange way, I still do love him, my eyes have been opened to the reality of the relationship. I honestly think that if he ever contacted me and said he wanted to try again, I couldn't, because I now see him differently and definitely more objectively. When the relationship ended I blamed myself for everything; I wished that I hadn't raised the issues which led to our argument and led to him leaving; I told myself they were insignificant and didn't matter if only he'd come back. But you know what? They did matter. And 6 weeks down the line I know that if I had disregarded them and we had carried on, I would have been betraying myself and my son to have ignored them. So no, I don't think I could go back. And from reading your posts, you know in your heart of hearts, that you can't go back. You will deal with this in your own time and in your own way. As you say, fear of the unknown is a biggie, but when you are on your own at least you can determine the future, and when you know where you are heading it will get a little easier, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.X
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