redheadx Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 My boyfriend of one year and I broke up a few days ago after he found out I kissed someone when we had a brief break up a few months ago. We had a huge row on that night and broke up, so I ended up kissing one of our work colleagues, but it went no further. Me and my boyfriend then got back together the next day, but I decided to keep the kiss quiet. However, the other night we were out for some drinks when I was talking to the same work colleague that I kissed. It was all harmless chit chat really yet my boyfriend, being an extremely jealous person, got up and walked out. I ran after him but by the time I got outside he had already jumped in a taxi. I phoned him and asked if he was ok, but he was really pissed off and wouldn't let me speak. So I blurted out that I had kissed the work colleage. He didn't take it very well to say the least and broke up with me. I was devastated. He came up to collect his things yesterday but I tried to explain to him that we had broken up when it happened and I was really upset. He was having none of it. How can I get him to listen? We have broken up before and the longest has been 8 days. Do you think there is any way that he would forgive me? I love him so much and I really didn't mean to hurt him. Thanks for reading, any advice would be much appreciated.
Davey McG Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Hi Readhead Sorry to hear about what happened, but I think that his reaction is valid. You broke up after an argument and within a few hours were kissing someone else. It makes a guy feel that the relationship is weak and he's easily replaced if someone they're with can do that. In short, he probably doesn't see you as wife material now. You also made the error of doing it with one of your mutual colleagues, which is also known as sh***ng on your own doorstep. The fact that he already had issues with you and this colleague's relationship (he walked out when he saw you chatting) isn't going to help either. I don't know your man, so he may be more forgiving than a lot of people on these boards. There's not a lot you can do - the ball is in his court. Ask yourself if you actually ACTUALLY want to be with him because flirting with and kissing a work colleague so quickly suggests that perhaps, deep down, you don't want to be.
Author redheadx Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 Thanks for the reply. I really do want to be with him. I don't even have to think about whether I do or not, because I love him more than anything. We have been texting eachother today and he says he still wants to be friends and that he will still give me a lift into work with him. I said I couldn't expect that of him as it would be awkward and he replied saying it wouldn't be awkward. I just can't bear the thought of us never being together again. One of the things I didn't mention though was that the reason for our row and break up the night I kissed the colleague, was because this drunk bloke came over and started to talking to me, and when I finally managed to get away from him and back over to my boyfriend, he pushed me twice (I almost fell down) and then stormed out. He wasn't violent towards me in any way apart from that but he just saw this man talking to me and lost it. So after that I was in such a state that my colleague was comforting me and that's how it happened.
Davey McG Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 He pushed you because a drunk person spoke to you? That's not acceptable at all. I assume that he's the jealous type then. Has he been like this before? If he is the jealous type then if you do get back together then its only going to be worse. Before he never had any reason to suspect you but now he does its going to be harder to deal with and he'll bring it up in arguments and whenever he gets suspicious/jealous. As for your colleague, I think your man had a reason to be suspicious because the colleague "comforted" you and was able to gain something from it. If his intentions were purely innocent then he would never have ended up kissing you. How is your friendship with the colleague now?
Author redheadx Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 Our friendship is fine, and it was me that initiated the kiss, we both felt completely awful about it afterwards because he thought of him, and me, as a friend. He had never pushed me like that before, I knew he was easily irritated and jealous by men talking to me, but that was the first time he went that far. He's not a nasty person and he wouldn't hurt a fly. Now he feels like it's going to be humiliating for him going back into work because he has to face the lad I kissed, who is actually a team leader...not his team leader though thank god. I know it's a bad situation but I feel like we could get through it because I have learned my lesson and would never do anything like that again.
Davey McG Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 It must be pretty humiliating having to do that and if he's a face saving kind of guy then its unlikely he'll get back together with you while you're both working in the same place. Think about it: You didn't kiss someone randomly who he could forget about, but someone you work with and he works with. Everyone in the office probably has an inkling it happened and that is going to be humiliating for him. The only way he can keep a bit of his damaged pride is by ending the relationship and making it clear that its over (not that I know your guy will do this, but I've seen it before in the work place). What if the boot were on the other foot? What if you'd got annoyed at him, stormed out and he'd got off with a receptionist who he was friends with? How would you feel? Would you care if he felt bad or would that not be the first thought on your mind? What would you feel about having to face all the colleagues (including the receptionist) who saw it happen or at least heard about it? Would everything be fine for you or would you feel humiliated?
Author redheadx Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 It doesn't excuse him pushing me infront of people I work with. Nobody knows about the kiss except me and him, and now my ex. There are bad things i've forgiven him for that really upset me, I just hope he can do the same.
Davey McG Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 It most definately does not excuse him pushing you (whether or not its in front of people)- I was just wondering if he was worried about people in the office and saving face etc. If no one else knows then he might forgive in time. However, he should really work on his temper and might want to get help about it. Plus its never going to work if you're still friends with the other chap you kissed because he might think something has been going on all along and your admission of kissing just confirmed it. In your first post, you said, "how can I get him to listen?". What is it you want to say to him, apart from that you were on a break when you kissed the other guy?
Author redheadx Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 Just that it meant nothing and nothing will ever come of it. I only want him and nobody else, he's the only person i've ever poured my heart out to. Also, saying sorry is the hardest thing in the world for me, especially when I know i'm in the wrong. I have suggested he goes and sees somebody about his temper because he beats himself up over things that can't be helped and I worry that he'll make himself ill. I have no idea why he gets so jealous, he has reason to be in this situation obviously but he didn't before. There is no way I would have ever kissed anybody if me and him weren't broken up. He and the person I kissed don't work in the same section as it's a very big warehouse so they don't really come across eachother very often.
Dark-Farmer Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 you know what both of you could have handled the situation better, but in the long run a kiss is just a kiss and if it didn't go any further then he should get over it. Like my mom told me once if every relationship ended over one simple kiss i would not exist.
Author redheadx Posted June 18, 2008 Author Posted June 18, 2008 Thanks for your opinions, I appreciate them very much. I will see my ex at work tomorrow. He said he would still like to talk with me and stuff and that he isn't going to completely ignore me. I don't want to pressure him into getting back with me so i'm just going to see how things go. One of the things I was worried about is that he would have deleted our holiday photos from when we went to Greece almost 2 weeks ago, but he just says he wouldn't delete them because despite everything that's happened he still had a great time.
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