Feeling like a burden?

[endlesstrains]

I think this is a problem with myself more than a problem with the relationship... and I know it's probably just me so I don't mention it to my boyfriend or anything... but I do feel like it's hard for me and a strain. I have been dating my boyfriend for a bit under 4 months. We get along really well and always have fun together and (increasing more lately) my boyfriend is really affectionate and cute with me and says and does all kinds of things that indicate he is happy with me and wants to continue the relationship, so I don't think it's an issue of lack of interest...

 

But a lot of the time I feel like I bother him, or like I am in his way, or like I am kind of a chore to him. There are a few reasons for this. One is that we work at the same place (usually not together, but we have been working together this month because I am covering for a girl who is out of town for the month) and sometimes I worry that he doesn't want to see me all the time at work or that I frustrate him when I have to ask questions about how to do the duties of this new position. He doesn't indicate that I do, but I feel like it, because of the way he acts at work... he has said many times that he is burned out on work lately... and I know that has nothing to do with me, but it's hard not to take it personally when he is so subdued and tired when interacting with me at work.

 

Another reason is that he lives about a 20-40 minute drive, depending on traffic, from our work and where I live (which is right near the workplace.) He is always complaining about having to be at work "so much" (not all that much actually) and in the city so much and he almost every week makes a comment about "maybe not coming down to the city this weekend." I know he is not thinking about me when he says this, because I have told him before how it makes me feel and he was surprised and said he never meant it that way. I know he kind of thinks aloud sometimes and doesn't mean it in the way that I take it, but still-- how else am I supposed to feel other than like I am a burden or that it's a hassle for him to come see me? I always feel like I am wasting his time whenever I am the one to make a plan or even sometimes when he makes the plan... he usually ends up being in the city plenty and doesn't usually follow through on not coming up but that just makes me feel worse. He always says a few days away from work/the city will make it all better but it never does, it is like this never ending thing, which I think he isn't even aware of. He even is getting kind of physically tired/ill when he is at work so much (and it's not even that much--- just a normal work week!) and I just feel like a big burden.

 

Like I said, outside of work and complaining about coming to the city, or rejecting plans I might have made because he doesn't want to come down / wants to go right home, he acts like he is really happy in the relationship. (When he does reject my plans we still end up having other plans but it's just frustrating that it's always on his terms.) I don't think it's an issue of him not being interested in me, I think it is just circumstance, and him being a little oblivious to how it makes me feel (but he is a guy, what can you expect.) I don't know what to do though. I really, really like him and I think he is pretty much the greatest guy ever, but it's hard when I feel so bad about these things. I think it is a problem with myself most likely but what do I do to fix it?

 

Like tonight, I had plans in my head that we might go out after work, which would be nice, because we worked together until close tonight. But he wasn't feeling well so I didn't ask him (again it seems to be work related fatigue? Even though our job is not very fatiguing and he doesn't even work more than most people do). Once we got out of the building he started feeling a lot better so I asked him if he wanted to do anything tomorrow after he got out of work if he was feeling better then. At first he said sure, but maybe that was a sudden reaction without time to think about it because later he seemed less sure about it and said maybe, and then said that we could definitely hang out on Wednesday if not tomorrow. But the thing is, Wednesday we always watch a movie with some friends, which is fun but not the same as doing something with him alone, and I like to do things besides the same old planned Wednesdays every week... I guess to him it's all the same but, it's just frustrating for me. Our plans are always on his terms. I appreciate that he lives kind of far away and that he does a lot of freelance work on the side (he only works part time at the place we work at but the last couple weeks has been full time because of the girl on vacation) so his time is more limited than mine-- my schedule is much more free because I am a student who has the summer off and I still haven't found a second job to cover the rest of my time. But aren't I entitled to sometimes have the plans that *I* want to make? I dunno...

 

Again, it's not that he or I are unhappy in the relationship otherwise... it is going well... we have lots of fun and are affectionate and care for each other... and the sex is pretty great too . But this is an issue I have trouble with. I have mentioned some parts of it to him before but nothing seems to get resolved. I have used up my "free cards" so to speak so I really can't bring up the issue again without sounding like a nag or like I am very insecure and will only bring the relationship down. But what can I do for myself, or to encourage him in other ways to be more "fair" to me? Or is it only in my head that he is being unfair? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.