browneyedgurl Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I began talking to this guy in April. We went on our first date on May 10 (I remember haha). We have gone on 3 dates and he even came to my friend's wedding with me a couple weeks ago. The dates have been great, we talk and talk and really enjoy ourselves. A couple nights ago things got a little physical between us, meaning we just fooled around. The next day we were talking online, (he does not like to talk on the phone) and I asked him since we got physical last night what were things going to become between us and he said. "I'm not sure, I will give it more thought". He has said in the past that he doesn't want to jump into a relationship without knowing the person well enough. But I want to know if it is a good sign or not that he is not sure what may happen between us
loveandlaugh88 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 yeah..it is kinda bad if hes unsure if he wants something more. if a guy wants to be in a relationship with you, he doesn't hesitate about it and does anything to try to be with you. it sounds to me that the only thing he does wants is to fool around. i'd forget about him and not give him what he wants until he realizes what he is missing...
A.G.Doren Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Wanting to take it slow is not a bad thing. Rushing into a relationship without knowing a person can often be a mistake and a month is not a very long time at all. Like the previous poster said I would refrain from getting physical until I was in the relationship.
carhill Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 OP, tell me about your last "date", exclusive of the wedding. I want to hear the process. As an observation, "not wanting to talk on the phone" is, to me, for a relationship, a yellow flag. I'm pretty shy about phone stuff (like for business, etc) but I have always been very eager to connect with my lady friends (including my W when I dated her) on the phone or in person. Not saying I'm "right", but I think you need to be clear about how you feel about this dynamic with your friend. Keeping the physical stuff minor will help you focus more on the interpersonal relationship, and that's what important in a LTR, IMO. Good luck!
Author browneyedgurl Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 Our date before the wedding was very nice. He picked me up from my house, he drives 25 minutes to my house since he lives in another town. We went to dinner, bowled, and took a long walk whiled talking about various subjects. He paid for the meal and bowling. We kissed during our walk and that was our first time we kissed and it was the 3rd date.
Author browneyedgurl Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 Yeah it just seems fishy to me that he does not want to talk on the phone. He says he doesn't enjoy it but still it would be nice to hear his voice and we don;t have to talk on the phone for hours and hours. At times I feel like I shouldn't push him about this issue considering we are not an item yet, but talking on the phone helps to get to know someone better too
carhill Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 OK, tell him you want some "phone". Be a little playful. The more total comfort he feels with you, the more familiar he'll be with you. Familiarity breeds contempt or LTR's, hopefully the latter for you I mention the above because the phone is a great way of building/maintaining intimacy when you're apart. It also allows you to share history/feelings with each other that frees up face time for events of a more topical nature. It's like a total get-to-know-you package. You have to decide for yourself what timeline is comfortable for you in allowing him to not "jump". He might be commitment phobic. Time usually reveals all truths. One day at a time Oh, nice date
Author browneyedgurl Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 Thank you for the advice everyone I will post any new updates.. So far nothing has improved... I did ask him if we could talk on the phone while online the other night and that we wouldn't have to talk very long. He responded saying lol if i wasn't so tired. And then I said well i understand not tonight but I was just wondering if we could talk on the phone more and he said "we will discuss that later lol" and then signed off I am so confused why he is behaving this way.. I know he is busy with family who is visiting from Las Vegas and all but idk... I just feel like i have been played or something. I want to feel like oh he really likes me and maybe he's becoming distant until he is for sure but i have no idea. just very confused
carhill Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 In the time he messages you, he can talk to you. IMO, part of being interested in or loving someone is making reasonable efforts to meet their needs and desires. I'd give it one more shot when he messages you. Whenever that happens, just merely message back "call me". If he doesn't , just go silent. That'll give him something to think about
Author browneyedgurl Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 Well my guy and I talked tonight online and he just wants to be friends b/c he is uncertain with things right now going to grad school and all. I asked him if there was anything that turned him off and he said, " no it was hard for me to decide b/c you are a good person and all I just don't have a desire to be in a relationship right now So we are going to be friends and maybe that's for the best friendships last longer than relationship in my case I appreciate the advice and so glad i joined this site to get other opinions
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