n9688m Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I am looking for ideas on how others schedule equally shared custody. My STBXW wants to do this with me. She thinks we should spend 2 days at a time with the kids so they are not away from us for a long period. That sounds OK but it means I need to get her "permission" anytime I want to spend a long weekend with the kids or take them on a week-long vacation. That doesn't seem like a good idea. Particularly that would be a problem if I get remarried. Not only would I need my ex-wife's "permission" to take the kids for a week, but I would also need my ex-wife's permision to take a new partner on a trip if that meant my w-wife would need to watch the kids. I think a week at a time would make things a lot simpler to avoid these issues. Other ideas?
Navin_R_Johnson Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 What does the child want? We are doing the "flex" thing, too, and it is working pretty well. No set schedules, I get her pretty much whenever I want. But we also let our child have have some say in her schedule. Wierd? Maybe. But we're working that way now.
Author n9688m Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 What does the child want? We are doing the "flex" thing, too, and it is working pretty well. No set schedules, I get her pretty much whenever I want. But we also let our child have have some say in her schedule. Wierd? Maybe. But we're working that way now. The kids too want to do it 2 days at a time with flexibility for special events or holidays. That's fine with me too for routine purposes. But again as I said the problem seems to be I don't want to need permission from my ex anytime I want to go away for a week either with or without my kids. In particular I think such an arrangement could be a disaster for any future relationship I might develop.
TrustInYourself Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 It's not permission, it's communication. Your kids are the reason you should let go of all that anger. They deserve your best effort. How is it going to be a disaster for future relationships?
Author n9688m Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 It's not permission, it's communication. Your kids are the reason you should let go of all that anger. They deserve your best effort. How is it going to be a disaster for future relationships? Yes, it is permission. Imaginge if I meet another woman and everytime I want to go out of town for a week I need my ex to "approve" and watch my kids? That would be extremely dysfunctional to put my ex in a position of power/control over my new wife like that.
TrustInYourself Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Get family to watch the kids if she can't. Get a good friend to watch the kids for a couple of days. The wife saying no doesn't limit you, unless you let it limit you. You are a ray of sunshine for me at this late hour.
Nomad1 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I have my 3 boys from Wednesday to Saturday late afternoon. That way I get the Saturday/Sunday night for going out, plus the Monday and Tuesday night. I communicate directly with the boys as they are teenagers. This weekend I am going to Paris Friday to Sunday with my new woman. I had to have the boys from Monday night and they will go back to their mum's Thursday night. She is not happy as she keeps telling me 'how come you get to go on holiday with your woman and I don't?'. I just ignore her these days. My woman friend has her own house and I have mine. We see each other two evenings a week as we are both very busy people. We usually go out for meals then end up either at hers or mine. The boys haven't met her yet, but I have met her daughter. It is a process, but I am not going to rush into sharing a house with any woman. I have rediscovered my independence and I love it! Nomad1
TrustInYourself Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 It's nice doing whatever the hell you want, when you want. haha!
onmyownagain Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Hi, I have my daughter for a week at a time, Sunday to Sunday. I sometimes have to cover part of my week with my family etc. but you can schedule all your holidays/weekend plans for months ahead. Obviously, there must be some flexibility around birthdays etc. but this way does seem to work.
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