Primetyme Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Hello. I'm looking for some advice on my little problem. I've dated a girl for 3.5 years throughout most of college. She was a great girl and I remember we had some really good times. I felt that we loved each other. Throughout our relationship, we would have our ups and downs. The ups were good, but the downs were terrible. We would have bitter fights and arguments. She would get jealous easily, but I can honestly say that I would never cheat on her. My problem was that I don't think I showed her that I loved her in the way that she wanted. After 3.5 years of dating, we had another really bad argument, and that’s when I decided that I could not take the fighting anymore. I 'broke' up with her. Actually, I told her I would prefer that we'd be friends instead of a couple. I figured the fighting would go away. So, for the next 4 years we remained best friends. Neither of us really saw anyone else because we are both a bit shy. We would talk all the time, and share many things. Of course, the fighting still continued. It was as if we weren't broken up. I wanted to see her as a friend, but when I'd reject her advances, she'd either get really sad, depressed, or angry. For me, she seemed quite emotional. Like an idiot, I gave in, and I think she fell even more in love with me. The whole time I was more or less getting over her. She would visit me sometimes, and then overstay her visit. We would talk at night and she would continue talking longer than I wanted to talk. Like an idiot, I'd give in. Several months ago, I'd met a girl. She was really nice and I felt that we'd make great friends. I told my best friend about her, and she'd ask if I liked her. I'd tell her that she's a friend, but that is all. I eventually did start liking her. I would start going on dates, and this seemed to anger my best friend. Eventually we would have another great big fight. After this fight, we went 2.5 months without contact. I continued seeing the girl that I was seeing. I had really begun to like her. After awhile, my best friend would try to call, only to have me not pick up, or to send very plain one line emails. The time that we had no contact felt great for me. I felt no stress, and quite tranquil. Eventually my best friend, without me knowing, came to my house. I did not know she was there, because I was gone the day she got in. Well, she camped out in her car the one night, and then I saw her there early the next day. I felt a mixture of pity and anger. I did not want to see her, but I also felt very guilty. Well, she stayed over for a day and we tried to talk things out. She was still very much in love with me, but I was not with her. I tried to tell her that, she feels betrayed, and thinks that even though we weren't going out, that we both knew that we 'acted' like a couple. I'll try to cut it short. Now we talk on the phone every so often, and she says she needs to hear from me to be able to cope and get over me. I think that talking to her so much will just make things worse. If I go NC, I know she will just make a surprise visit and camp out in her car again. I don't know how I can fix this problem. I feel it is mostly my fault for giving in all the time. I want to continue seeing my current girlfriend. She does not know about my previous relationship, and I am feeling so guilty and stressed that I want to tell her about it all. I want her to know that I'm not the nicest guy she's ever met. I know for sure that I am over my ex girlfriend, but she is not over me. My ex doesn't really have friends except for me. She has no one to turn to, and this makes me feel guilty as well. In the end, I feel like a coward to both of these ladies. Should I tell my new girlfriend about my past now? Should I cut off all ties to my friend for the last 7.5 years? Although, she will try her hardest to keep in touch! I've tried to think through every scenario, but in the end, I feel like I'm going to lose both. Anyone had a similar situation before? I've really screwed up this time. Sorry this is so long.
D-Lish Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I think your "best friend" is now your stalker. The problem is that the two of you never actually broke up... You have no choice but to "break up" with her at this point.
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