Le_Confused Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 now doesn't want to? Or to put it straight forward, he said "he won't be ready to, when it comes time for me to move out" It was him that kept leading me on thinking we were going to move in together, like in a year maybe... I am 20 years old, living under my mom's roof, for another 7 to 9 months, give or take. My boyfriend of a little over a year, occasionally would say "Wouldn't it be cool if we lived together" ect, ect... I have been restraining myself from blowing up at him, because it feels like I had been led on. I was fixated on the thought of eventually "moving in together". All this talk about moving in was mainly towards the beginning of the relationship, when things were fresh. I started to freak out about the future... and thinking if this is going to turn into a long distance relationship. I wanted an answer from him or some sort of hope...and well, last time I tried to bring it up, we got mad at each other, fought... this was about two weeks ago - we took a break from each other because I was really upset, in tears pretty much. I have to make a life change in about 7 ish months, and it doesn't sound like he wants to be apart of my life by then. I need to move somewhere cheaper, as it's impossible to live out on my own in this area where we both grew up. He said he wouldn't be "ready" by then. He says he wants to stay with his parents and save up for school. But is unsure about decisions on school. He said something about maybe taking some online classes, because he does.. want to move somewhere warmer, just like me. I wasn't the one who proposed the idea of moving in together... I kept going "Yeah righttt" or "Yeah, that would be kinda cool". I tried to brush it off, because I didn't want to get my hopes up, like I have in a former relationship. What should I be doing here? I also have to admit, this is kind of personal - but the sexual side of the relationship is also very confusing at the moment. I had asked him "What's wrong with me? Why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?" He says we mellowed out. He mellowed out. We used to be all over each other 24/7. He says there's no place to do any of that. We don't have the privacy... which is true - I don't live out on my own anymore, where there was privacy. But why won't he put forth the effort? It's like sex isn't even on his mind anymore... nor is moving in... or anything moving forward. Last time I brought this up to him, we nearly broke up and he said he didn't know what to tell me. I am very frustrated with him, and I just wanted some sort of hope of things going a little forward. What should I do? And sorry if this message doesn't make complete sense, or I am coming off as a crazy loon... I am rather upset right now...
daphne Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I suggest you mirror his enthusiasm about the relationship. Pull back gently, and figure out what you want to do with your life. That won't necessarily include him. He's doing the same so I think it's wise to be a little selfish in this situation. Right now, you're focused on him and you're probably pushing. In relationships, if someone's not gravitating towards you, they're gravitating away. Pushing nudges them the opposite direction. Start having fun and picking up hobbies and making plans for your future. Focus on you. You may find that he's not what you want anyway. Or potentially it'll be a wake up call and he'll move towards you. Either way, it's a win win.
Recommended Posts